Dear Coleen: My husband cares more about money than my health. What should I do?

Coleen Nolan
·2-min read
A woman left her job without talking it through with her husband
-Credit: (Image: Anna Gowthorpe/PA Wire.)


Dear Coleen

I left my job back in the summer. It was a final straw situation; I couldn’t stand the people, the insane hours and the lack of appreciation a moment longer.

So, after a particularly bad day at the office, I handed in my notice. I had no job to go to and no plans in the pipeline, but it still felt like a huge weight had been lifted from my shoulders. I felt elated.

However, I haven’t been able to find another job – in fact, I haven’t even been invited for any interviews, which is something I hadn’t considered. On the plus side, I’ve been able to spend a lot more time with my kids.

READ MORE: Former DWP employee shares how to protect your PIP payments ahead of new welfare reforms

READ MORE: People on State Pension, PIP and other benefits due one-off DWP payment this month

But financially it’s been a nightmare, as I was the main breadwinner and we’ve been struggling to get by on my husband’s wages alone. We’re skint, as everything my husband earns goes on bills and food, and there’s not much left.

I know he resents me for walking out on my job without thinking it through and talking about it with him. I’ve tried to explain how unhappy I was, but he’s focused on the money side of things.

I'm going to restart my job search after Christmas but, in the meantime, I have to cope with a miserable husband who cares more about our bank balance than my mental health. Please help.

Coleen says

I think most people can relate to how it feels to be in a job you hate and, if you stick at it too long, it really can have a huge impact on your self-esteem and mental health.

You walked out without a plan, so what you have to focus on now is the future. Have a proper break over Christmas and then get back to the job search in the new year.

Maybe take some time to think about the job you really want at this point in your life and if you have any skills that would transfer to another type of role.

I think you need to get excited about a new chapter and think of ways to rebuild your confidence. Maybe you could find something casual, part time or freelance to bring in some money while you’re looking and get a foot back in the working world.

Also, think about courses to update your skills or learn new ones, and perhaps look into getting some career coaching. In terms of your relationship, the key is communication and teamwork.

You didn’t include your husband in your decision to leave your job, but you can include him going forward. Financial stress can take a big toll on a relationship.

Maybe you haven’t experienced it for a while, but you can get through it if you plan together and support each other. Resenting each other will get you nowhere.

Don't miss the latest news from around Scotland and beyond - Sign up to our daily newsletter here.

  • Up next
  • Up next
  • Up next
  • Up next

Latest stories

  • Rayner’s workers’ rights reform ‘will permanently damage economy’

    Angela Rayner’s employment rights overhaul will hit Britain’s army of agency workers and inflict permanent damage on the economy, the country’s biggest recruiters have warned.

  • Should drivers over 70 take an eye test every three years? Have your say

    One survey found six in 10 optometrists had spoken to a patient in the past month who continued to drive despite their eyesight being below the legal standard.

  • Legal & General shares rise 4% on capital return plan

    Legal & General shares rose 4% on Wednesday after the British life insurer said it was planning to return capital to shareholders and was on track to meet its financial targets. Legal & General anticipates returning a proportion of capital from its institutional retirement business to shareholders, it said in a trading statement ahead of an investor presentation for the unit. This capital return would form part of the board's wider consideration of its capacity for buybacks, which would be set out at its full-year results in March 2025, the insurer said.

  • Why your personality might be affecting your salary – and how it shapes the gender pay gap

    New research shows that certain personality traits can pay dividends – while others can be detrimental.

  • Analysis-Indian steel mills feel crunch from cheap Chinese imports

    India's construction boom with its gleaming highrises and multilane highways was supposed to drive up domestic steel sales, but Jogindra Group's mills in northern Punjab state are filled with unsold inventory. A flood of cheap Chinese steel has pushed India's smaller mills to scale down operations and consider job cuts, as the South Asian nation joins a growing list of countries contemplating action to stem imports. India, the world's second-largest steel maker, turned into a net importer in the last fiscal year, sounding alarms in New Delhi about what a weakened sector portends for the security of future infrastructure projects and steel-reliant industries.

  • Vietnam court upholds death sentence for tycoon Truong My Lan

    STORY: A court in Vietnam upheld a death sentence for real estate tycoon Truong My Lan on Tuesday (December 3).Lan was sentenced to death in April for her role in what was Vietnam's biggest financial fraud case on record.She had appealed against a conviction for embezzlement and bribery in the high-profile $12.5 billion case.But the High People's Court determined there was no basis to reduce Lan's death sentence, according to a Vietnamese online newspaper.The media report also said it is possible the sentence could be commuted to life imprisonment if Lan can return three-quarters of the money embezzled while on death row.The case is part of a years-long crackdown on corruption in a campaign locally known as “Blazing Furnace.”Lan, who was the chairwoman of Van Thinh Phat Holdings Group, still has the right to request a review under Vietnam's cassation or retrial procedures.Her arrest in 2022 sparked a run on Saigon Joint Stock Commercial Bank which was at the center of the fraud and largely owned by Lan through her proxies.Apart from the death sentence, Lan was handed a life sentence at a separate trial in October.She was found guilty of obtaining property by fraud, money laundering and illegal cross-border money transfers.

  • Explainer-After China's mineral export ban, how else could it respond to U.S. chip curbs?

    BEIJING (Reuters) -China has banned exports to the U.S. of some goods containing critical minerals while tightening exports on others, after U.S. curbs a day earlier on the Chinese chip industry. Following is background on export controls and other steps that analysts say Chinese authorities might take to safeguard China and its companies' interests. On Dec. 3 China banned exports to the U.S. of items related to gallium, germanium, antimony and superhard materials, the latest escalation of trade tensions between the countries ahead of President-elect Donald Trump taking office.

  • Elderly couple upset by delay in getting deeds back as law firm moves out of town

    A couple based in Hadleigh, Suffolk, have complained of a delay in getting their house deeds back after law firm Gotelee - now part of Mezzle - shut the town office

  • Tesco offers full refund to customers as chicken product poses 'risk to health'

    Tesco is recalling one of its chicken products due to a “risk to health”, offering customers a full refund

  • Deutsche Bank CEO says German economy needs 'urgent' action

    LONDON (Reuters) -Germany's struggling economy needs urgent action to boost its competitiveness, Deutsche Bank's CEO said on Wednesday as he called for structural reforms, less regulation and lower taxes on companies. "Germany needs to adjust its business model," Christian Sewing told the FT Global Banking Summit in London. "It is urgent we take action," he said, flagging the likelihood of further job losses in Germany's auto industry and adding that February's snap election could provide the opportunity for a reset.

  • Microsoft facing £1 billion legal claim from UK businesses

    A legal action filed at the Competition Appeal Tribunal claims Microsoft overcharged users of rival cloud platforms for access to its Windows Server.

  • Small North Carolina town sues energy ‘Goliath’ in historic climate action

    Carrboro officials say Duke Energy broke state laws waging decades-long ‘deception campaign’ about fossil fuels

  • Hong Kong needs to nurture insurance talent to rival Singapore and Dubai, CEOs say

    Hong Kong must grow and nurture its pool of talent in the insurance industry to compete with other financial centres like Singapore and Dubai as businesses become increasingly digitalised, executives said. Edward Moncreiffe, the CEO of global insurance at HSBC, said the city should focus on improving its physical and digital infrastructure, regulation and language skills if it wants to remain a global financial centre. This will ensure people with good services can come in and do business in Hon

  • Is BP’s 6.7% dividend yield good value after the recent share price fall?

    Despite the fluctuating oil price and BP's volatile shares, City analysts predict strong ongoing annual dividend payments ahead. The post Is BP’s 6.7% dividend yield good value after the recent share price fall? appeared first on The Motley Fool UK.

  • Bury shopping centre scoops retail accolade at Sceptre Awards

    Mill Gate Shopping Centre has won a national award

  • Ford UK Calls for £5,000 EV Incentives to Boost Electric Car Sales

    Ford UK's chair, Lisa Brankin, has urged the government to offer consumer incentives of up to £5,000 per car to boost electric vehicle (EV) sales and help meet climate targets. Speaking at Ford’s Halewood plant, Brankin emphasized that EV demand has lagged behind expectations…

  • Russian services sector expands for fifth month running, PMI shows

    The S&P Global Purchasing Managers' Index for Russian services rose to 53.2 in November from 51.6 in October, moving further above the 50 mark that separates growth from contraction. Russia is grappling with persistent inflation and has seen a marked depreciation of the rouble in recent weeks. Business confidence among Russian service providers improved, with firms expressing optimism about future output.

  • Axl Rose settles sexual assault lawsuit

    Axl Rose has reached a private settlement over a sexual assault lawsuit. In November 2023, former actress-model Sheila Kennedy filed a lawsuit against the Guns N' Roses frontman in which she alleged he attacked and raped her in a Manhattan hotel room in 1989. The complaint was brought under New York's Adult Survivors Act, a one-year window that extended the statute of limitations for allegations of sexual misconduct. But on Tuesday, editors at Rolling Stone reported that Rose and Kennedy had rea

  • Oil Seen Below $60 by Middle of New Trump Term, Survey Shows

    (Bloomberg) -- Banks are gearing up for US oil prices to fall below $60 a barrel by the middle of President-elect Donald Trump’s new term in office, according to a survey from law firm Haynes Boone LLP.Most Read from BloombergAs Wars Rage, Cities Face a Dark New Era of Urban DestructionRiyadh Metro Partially Opens in Bid to Ease City’s Traffic JamsWest Texas Intermediate, the US benchmark, is expected to drop to $58.62 a barrel by 2027, the mean estimate of 26 banks participating in the survey t

  • UK services sector ‘close to stalling’ in November after Budget tax rises

    A survey found forthcoming rises in employers’ national insurance contributions weighed on firms’ appetite to hire new staff.