It would normally require the illogicality of a Kafka novel combined with the surrealism of a Magritte painting to be in a situation where a citizen of Normandy would find it quicker and easier to get to Dubrovnik than to Dover. But, of course, as Franz Kafka knew only too well, there are ‘facts’, and then there are facts. And, in the midst of the whirling dervish of science, rumour, fear and mis-trust that roars around the margins of Covid-19, nothing, not even summer holidays, are spared the torture of this potentially ruinous confusion. The science that much of the rest of Europe is adhering to when it comes to the easing of travel restrictions is being wilfully ignored by the UK. Just as Italy, Spain, Greece and Iceland are lifting their borders, we’re shutting them ever tighter. Not only that, but the UK also seems to have decided that we, on our little Atlantic island, have the powers of Nostradamus to boot. Home Secretary Priti Patel has decided that, from June 8, all visitors entering the UK will be forced to enter a two-week quarantine period- with fines of up to £3,200 for those who don’t comply. It’s an odd scenario when our own government feels, amid an environment where scientific analysis and evidence is emerging on an almost hourly basis, that we can predict, a full fortnight in advance, what position we should be taking with regard to admission of overseas visitors, the overwhelming majority of whom would be contributing to our moribund economy. Ultimately, this is yet another case of cowardice by the UK government, pandering to the histrionics of those who prefer to treat Covid as an alien invasion rather than as a virus which, with application of the correct medical and scientific procedures, can be contained and, in time, neutered entirely. “It is just about the worst thing the Government could do if their aim is to restart the economy,” said Tim Alderslade, the chief executive of trade body Airlines UK. Not only that, but gaping holes as to how these quarantine measures will actually be implemented are leaving leading UK scientists absolutely baffled. “I question how the compliance of people being required to quarantine will be monitored and even enforced,” said Prof Gary McLean, Professor in Molecular Immunology at London Metropolitan University. Prof Peter Openshaw, Professor of Experimental Medicine at Imperial College London went even further, stating that “the blanket introduction of restrictions on those coming from areas of low prevalence makes little sense; there should be sound reasons for such restrictions.” So what of our future? Perhaps a more accessible literary character shall emerge. Out of the murky confusion, it would appear that the government has also been reading Roald Dahl, with an intention for Britain to become the Charlie Bucket of international tourism, looking mournfully through the window of the sweet shop to see the other European children cavorting happily amid the chocolates, while we trudge home through our deserted, tourist-free streets.
I know I’m right when I say that Monday is the least arousing day of the week. I mean, there’s a reason that being told you have “a bad case of the Mondays” isn’t exactly a compliment. So right off the bat, there’s something about Mondays that desperately needs a revamping. My proposal: Why not try and make it your sexiest day of the week? Hear me out. During the current pandemic, our sense of time has been thrown off. Our schedules are all over the place, our days are starting to mesh together, and it feels like we’re living in a kind of horrible infinite present. Building a new routine can help us feel grounded again. And while scheduling a day to have sex probably isn’t the first thing you think of when you hear “routine” — maybe it should be. After all, isn’t deciding to start (or end) your Monday with a roll in the hay a lot more appealing than, say, pledging to do something boring like shower at the same time every day? One Consumer Reports poll found that 45% of sexually active people schedule sex. It’s time to become one of them!Okay, you might be thinking. I’ll schedule sex. But Monday? But how will I ever get myself in the mood on a Monday, when I’m staring down the realities of another workweek spent cooped up inside? To that I say, you’re looking at it wrong. Starting to have sex on Mondays has the potential to change your entire attitude about the rest of day — or at least provide a welcome respite to your busy schedule, something to look forward to, to keep your spirits up.“Monday isn’t an unsexy day if we reframe how we approach the beginning of our week,” says Emily L. Depasse, a sex educator based in Philadelphia, in an interview with Refinery29. “Especially during COVID-19 and being without a routine, it could be nice to get back into a routine or create a new one.”Myisha Battle, a certified sex and dating coach, agrees. “Given the current shift away from a rigid schedule to one with more fluidity, Mondays can be a soft landing into the week instead of a harsh reentry,” she tells Refinery29. “Our open schedules mean we don’t just have to confine our playtime to the weekends, and that includes sex too!”So, here’s to making Monday the new sexiest day of the week, whether your sex is with a partner or with yourself. Isn’t it better to start off the new week off with a bang?Like what you see? How about some more R29 goodness, right here?These 8 Sex Toys Mimic Oral Sex (Almost)The Best Sex Toys For People In LDRs32 Tips From Phone-Sex Operators