31 Hilarious Billy Crystal Quotes From Movies And TV

Philip Sledge

14 April 2024 at 11:00 am

"When I Buy A New Book, I Read The Last Page First." - When Harry Met Sally

"Well, It Just So Happens That Your Friend Here Is Only Mostly Dead." - The Princess Bride

"I Tried To Be A Man Of The People, I Had A Payphone In My Car" - Comic Relief '87 Opening

"But Every Time I Went To Taste The Cheese, The Thing Came Down Right On My Tongue! I’m Tellin’ Ya — After Forty, Fifty Times, I Couldn’t Even Feel The Cheese, Much Less Taste It." - Saturday Night Live

"Hi Curly, Killed Anyone Today?" - City Slickers

"That's It, I'm Out Of Ideas. We're Closed. Hot Air Balloon? Too Expensive, Giant Slingshot? Too Conspicuous. Enormous Wooden Horse? Too Greek." - Monsters, Inc.

"You Look Marvelous!" - Saturday Night Live

"Owen, You Gotta Get It Throughout Your Thick Head: I May Be A Lot Of Things, But I'm Not A Killer" - Throw Momma From The Train

"Come Out, Come Out, Mr. Doody, And Swim In The Swimming Pool." - Parental Guidance

"You Go Downstairs, You Shed A Tear, And You Say, 'It's A Shame. She Would Have Loved This Movie." - America's Sweethearts

"Like When You Go Bowling And You Know You're In Someone Else's Shoes" - Friends

"I Don't Like Heights. This Is Why I Stopped Growing At Fifth Grade." - My Giant

"Come On, Don't Talk Back, Mime Is Money." - This Is Spinal Tap

"You Rush A Miracle Man, You Get Rotten Miracles." - The Princess Bride

"And My Mother, Disguised As An East German Judge, Gave Me A 5.6" - When Harry Met Sally

"He's A Lost Soul, He's A Dented Can, He's Behind Me, Isn't He?" - City Slickers II: The Legend Of Curly's Gold

"Don't You Have A Dark Side? I Know, You're Probably One Of Those Cheerful People Who Dot Their 'I's' With Little Hearts." - When Harry Met Sally

"Sulley, You're Not Supposed To Name It. Once You Name It, You Start Getting Attached To It." - Monsters, Inc.

"What Is My Goal Here, To Make You A Happy, Well-Adjusted Gangster?” - Analyze This

"Amnesia Dust, You Throw A Pinch, The Kid Forgets Everything That Happened The Last Few Seconds, [Throws Dust] That's How It Works." - Tooth Fairy

"For Two Years I Ran A Hollywood Studio, But You Can't Trust Those People" - Deconstructing Harry

"While You're At It, Why Don't You Give Me A Nice Paper Cut And Pour Lemon Juice On It?" - The Princess Bride

"Either God Is In The Salvage Business Or Bigfoot Took My Car!" - My Giant

"I Couldn't Catch A Ball. Well, It's Hard To Catch With Your Face. I Had The Word 'Spalding' Written On My Forehead 'Til I Was About Six." - Memories Of Me

"Well, It's Just That You Get To Do All The Dangerous Stuff, And I Get To Parallel Park" - Running Scared

"What's The Matter With You? We Never Discuss Mr. Vitti's Health Outside The Family" - Analyze This

"Well Then, Let Me Be The First To Say Farewell!" - Forget Paris

"Mr. Klein Died Today, Leaving A Wife, Two Children, And A Spacious Three-Bedroom Apartment With A Wood-Burning Fireplace." - When Harry Met Sally

"You And The Wife Retire To Fort Lauderdale, You Start Eating Dinner At Two, Lunch Around Ten, Breakfast The Night Before" - City Slickers

"Dodgeball Was The Best, Oh Yeah. I Was The Fastest One Out There. Of Course I Was The Ball." - Monsters, Inc.

"You Should Knock First Because There's Some Kind Of Weird Bear In There." - The Comedians

He's one of the best to ever do it.

From being the all-time greatest Oscars host to appearing in romantic comedies of all time to headlining a beloved Pixar animated film, Billy Crystal has been all over the place for the past half-century. During that time, he’s given movie and TV audiences countless lines, quips, and zingers that have become parts of our everyday lives. Here are some of those hilarious quotes that we just can’t get enough of…

Castle Rock Entertainment

Here are some unforgettably hilarious Billy Crystal quotes.

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I can't stop wearing this bargain John Lewis three-piece loungewear set

31 Hilarious Billy Crystal Quotes From Movies And TV

He's one of the best to ever do it.

Latest stories

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Kathy Burke hits out at Ant and Dec after being left ‘really angry’ with them

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Death in Paradise fans fume 'no one would watch' as Ralf Little's replacement 'uncovered'

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