Woman Says She Refuses to Apologize for Saying Her Stepmother and Stepsiblings Aren’t Her ‘Real Family’
“I'm of the mindset [that] the truth hurts but at least I'm being honest," the woman wrote in a recent Reddit post in which she detailed her story
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Younger woman and older woman having a discussion (stock image)A woman says she admitted that she doesn’t consider her stepfamily her “real” family — and her stepmom overheard her say it. She’s now wondering if she’s in the wrong for refusing to apologize.
The 27-year-old detailed her story on the popular Reddit forum “Am I the A------?,” a forum where users can go to get advice on interpersonal dilemmas. She began her post by explaining that her father married her stepmom, “Pam,” when she was 9 years old, and that Pam has three daughters whom her dad legally adopted at the time.
“I have never felt close to that part of the family,” the Redditor explained, adding, “They are all extroverts, and I honestly always hated staying with them and the chaos of a full house. I'm more of a homebody and like to be with my circle of people.”
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She continued: “My parents' custody arrangement was me with my mom all year except summer and alternating school breaks. My dad tried his best, but I never meshed in their lives.”
The original poster (OP) goes on to share that her mother died in 2020, and she has since worked to be closer to her dad over the last few years “so he can be in my kids' lives.”
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Women in an argument (stock image)She says the issues began when her dad and stepmom decided to update their will, splitting all of their assets — which includes two houses — four ways among herself and her stepsisters. She says that when her dad told her she would be receiving “1/4 ownership of the houses and land,” she told him she “would rather be bought out” so she wouldn’t be “tied to” her stepsisters.
“My dad asked me why I didn't want part of my family's history,” she said. “I told him that after he was gone, my husband and kids would be my only immediate family and I probably wouldn't be maintaining a relationship with [the stepsiblings].”
She says that her father attempted to “comfort her” by telling her that she “had Pam and her girls” — at which point the woman says she admitted that she feels like they “didn’t count because they aren't my real family.”
The problem? The OP didn’t know she was on speaker phone, and her stepmother overheard the whole exchange.
“Pam got upset and told one of her daughters who told the other two and now they are all upset. They were literally calling and messaging me nonstop so I had to block them and [they] are now posting subliminal messages about me on social media,” the OP says.
“I have other family members reaching out pressuring me to reconcile with them. My dad is pretty much taking their side and we haven't spoken in a week and a half,” she added.
The Redditor says her husband also thinks she should “keep the peace and just apologize,” but “I'm of the mindset [that] the truth hurts but at least I'm being honest.”
“Am I being the a------?” she asked in her post.
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Two women in a tense discussion (stock image)Related: Gwyneth Paltrow Says Being a Stepmom Has Been One of Her ‘Biggest Learnings as a Human Being’
The situation sparked much dialogue and debate among Reddit users. Some said they felt that the OP was absolutely not in the wrong, and that her father and stepmom should accept reality.
“[Your] dad chose them, you didn’t get a choice as you [were] a minor, you got dragged along for the ride and parents would do well to remember that. NTA [not the a------].”
Another said that they believed the OP’s feelings were valid — but that she didn’t necessarily need to be quite so honest about them.
“While maybe not the AH [a------], OP wasn't particularly smart either. Telling her father she dislikes his daughters is a direct jab aimed to hurt. Saying that she isn't interested in owning another house because she already has one, or because she wants to put that money in a college fund or whatever would have been enough,” wrote one person.
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Others said they think an apology is warranted regardless of the OP’s true feelings about her step family.
“I'm going to go against the grain and say YTA [you’re the a------]. Not for saying it, but for not apologizing for hurting their feelings. It really doesn't take much to acknowledge when you hurt someone.”
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