Woman Says She Won’t Apologize to Fiancé’s Mom for Getting Mad That She Revealed Their Engagement News on Social Media
The woman says the conversation got "heated' when her fiancé told his mother that they were upset by her actions
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Two women arguing (stock image)A woman says that she and her fiancé don’t want to apologize to her fiancé’s mom after they called her out for announcing their engagement news early — despite pressure from her fiancé’s father to say sorry.
The woman detailed the situation in a recent post on Reddit’s “Am I the A------” forum, where community members can go to seek out advice on interpersonal issues. In the post, the 20-year-old writes that she and her now-fiançé — also 20 — recently got engaged.
She wrote that they each called their parents to tell them the news, and “within 4 hours” her future mother-in-law had posted an engagement announcement to social media along with some informal cellphone photos of the couple.
“This was distressing to my fiancé and I as we were calling friends and family to tell them AND waiting for some professional pictures from our photographer before announcing publicly,” the woman wrote. She added: “We were also under the impression this was proper etiquette / social understanding to not announce big things (engagement, wedding, babies, etc) ahead of the couple.”
The woman said that her fiancé “decided to call his mother and express his discontentment” with her actions, noting that it was an “emotional conversation." She also noted that her future mother-in-law got “quite defensive,” but she ultimately took the post down and claimed she had not known posting about the news would be a problem.
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“We got the photos from the photographer [in] the next day or so and decided to share (since we’d finally made all our rounds),” she continued. She then claimed that her fiancé’s mom shared the new set of photos — which was totally okay — but began the new post with the phrase, “If they’ll forgive me, I’m excited…” — which the woman said “felt odd to us.”
“My family and our mutual friends thought it was odd and kind of self-centered to share our engagement announcement like that,” she added.
Related: Woman Gets Engagement Photos Back and Is 'Completely Shocked' by What She Sees (Exclusive)
This, she said, prompted her fiancé to make another call to his mom, in which he told her that “we didn’t want conflict around our engagement [and] we believed that people would ask about that line.”
The Redditor added that things “got heated” with her future mother-in-law eventually saying things like, “I just won’t share anything about you guys anymore.”
She continued: “His father stepped in and essentially said she didn’t mean harm and that my fiancé should apologize for upsetting his mother. My fiancé explained that he didn’t feel like he was wrong and that he did not overreact [...].”
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Man and woman arguing (stock image)The woman noted that her friends and family don’t believe this is something for which the young couple should apologize, as her fiancé “wasn’t mean and was trying to stick up for us.”
“Are we the AH [a-------] by being hurt about this and/or not apologizing?” she concluded her post.
A number of commenters said that they actually did not think the mom was at fault, and that the real issue here was a lack of communication.
“If you don’t tell family that something is [supposed] to be quiet, they will talk about it and post about it. This just seems like a communication issue. The MIL [mother-in-law] didn’t do anything wrong because OP didn’t tell them to keep it quiet [...]. People can’t read other [people's minds],” one user wrote.
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“Social media has only been around for 15 years. That's really not enough time for common etiquette or for an older generation to know how to handle it, as this isn't something that they dealt with when they were getting married,” another added.
Others, however, felt that the woman and her fiancé were merely letting the mom know how they felt — and that the phrasing of the mom’s second post was “petty.”
“NTA. You’re never wrong for telling someone how something they did made you feel. [...] I get she was excited the first time but the caption when she reposted the professional photos was intentionally petty & she doesn’t get a pass for being bitter & spiteful,” one commenter chimed in.
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