I’ve never watched The Hit List, so I decided to compete on it instead
I love a good quiz show. Pointless, The Weakest Link, Mastermind, Who Wants to Be a Millionaire, Big Fat Quiz of the Year. I enjoy sitting at home, calm and comforted by my surroundings, smugly answering questions that the people on my screen don’t know.
So, when I was asked if I wanted to have a go at playing The Hit List, the music gameshow hosted by Rochelle and Marvin Humes, my answer was an enthusiastic yes. Sure, I’d never really sat down to watch it properly, but with my competitiveness and endless knowledge from the comfort of my sofa, how hard could it be?
The music quiz’s format for round one is that competitors are in teams of two. They have to press the buzzer and shout out the name and artist the moment that they recognise the tune playing to win points and get through to the next round, with the winning team eventually having the chance to win up to £10,000.
The music can be from the latest charts, the 70s, 80s, 90s, musicals, Disney, you get it. It’s the dream show for families to watch together, with old and young being able to showcase their musical prowess.
On the five-hour train journey from London to Glasgow, where the show is filmed in BBC Studios, I settled in to play along to a few episodes from start to finish. I was terrible.
As it turns out, my brain does not process information quickly. By the time I was making the links about the name of the song and the band, the contestants on my screen were already halfway through the game. As the train sped on, my blind confidence was replaced by total certainty that I wouldn’t win - but who knows, right?
Maybe the songs would be in my favour. Maybe the category would be ‘Emmy’s Spotify Unwrapped playlist 2023,’ maybe…
Arriving at BBC Studios in Glasgow in a group of journalists, we were placed into teams of two to have a go on the show - with no real money at stake, of course. I was partnered with Jordan, a friendly fellow writer with a penchant for 80s music.
‘I’m going to be terrible,’ I tell him.
‘Me too,’ he cheerfully replies.
After being mic’d up, we were taken to the studio, which was way cooler than I imagined it to be. I thought a lot of it would be the magic of television, and that we’d be stood in a tiny room with green screens that would have all of the show’s disco-style lighting and imagery projected on it in post-production - but we were actually in a huge studio with shiny black flooring, cameras sweeping across the action affixed to scaffolding, with plenty of important looking people with big headsets milling about, doing their bit for the show.
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It was nothing short of thrilling to see my name emblazoned on one of the quiz podiums, and we all had a lot of fun taking turns to have photos on set before our phones were taken to phone jail, lest we relied on Shazam to help us out during our entirely fake game.
And just like that, an even more gorgeous-in-real-life couple and co-presenters Marvin and Rochelle Humes arrive and say hello to us all.
‘Hi Emmy, are you alright?’ Marvin asks me. ‘I’m bricking it, Marvin!’ I reply.
We play round one of the game, where three sets of pairs press their buzzer and shout out the name and artist of the song. It turns out that Jordan and I had been completely honest with one another when we promised that we would be bad at it. We are terrible.
After missing out on Diamonds by Rihanna, What’s Up by the 4 Non Blondes and Party in the USA by Miley Cyrus, I began to question everything. Why was I so bad at this? How was the journalist next to ours so quick on the buzzer? Why was Miley wearing a cardigan when she hopped off a plane at LAX?
I told myself that no matter what the next song would be, I was pressing that button. The tune starts, and I vaguely realise that maybe I know what it is. It’s Britney! I press the button. Marvin and Rochelle fix their beautiful eyes on me. Jordan is looking, daring to hope.
“Britney Spears!” I begin. But all I can think of is, ‘'Cause dancing's what I love yeah.’ So I’m like, ‘Dance? Dance? I don’t know! Dance?’
Readers, it wasn’t 'Dance'.
Jordan is whispering. ‘Slave! Slave!’
‘I’M A SLAVE 4 U,’ I scream at Rochelle and Marvin, pointing at them, mouth also disappearing with stress. They are taken aback. That took about 20 seconds, but I am getting my team a point (after all, it’s not real and so no one is penalising me for repeating 'dance' like a broken Britney doll. Sadly, we don’t have a clue about the bonus song (Pharrell), and Jordan and I, giggling, place last out of the three lots of competitors.
“But we hope you had a good time guys!” Rochelle says kindly. I most definitely did, but trust me when I say that if I ever have a chance to get on a quiz show again, I’ll be doing my homework. Or pairing up with some sort of radio DJ.
