How To Soft Launch Your Relationship The *Right* Way
If you're an eagle-eyed Instagram user, you can spot a soft launch from a mile away. But for the not-Chronically Online™, it typically takes the form of a social media post where someone strategically hints that they're seeing a new romantic partner: side-by-side drinks, two hands interlocking, or maybe even the back of said new partner’s head. The telltale sign of the soft launch? None of these photos actually reveal this mystery person’s face or identity.
The soft launch—a.k.a., a way to share new information with friends and family in a gradual way, usually on social media—has become quite trendy, says Marisa T. Cohen, PhD, LMFT, a marriage and family therapist, relationship scientist, and the founder of Embracing Change Marriage and Family Therapy in New York.
After all, soft-launching news, whether it's a budding relationship or new job, is more comfortable and subtle than a hard launch—which is when you state your news explicitly, Cohen says.
Ahead, learn everything to know about the art of the soft launch, including when (and how) to soft launch your relationship and what to do if your partner isn’t a fan of soft-launching.
What is a soft launch?
Soft-launching is a way to share news in a more subtle way, says Cohen, whether you’re dating someone new, you’ve moved to a different city, or you’ve switched jobs. “You are never really giving anyone the full picture,” both literally and figuratively, adds Tara Suwinyattichaiporn, PhD, a professor of relational and sexual communication at California State University, Fullerton.
So, if you’re soft-launching a relationship, you typically won’t show your new S.O.’s full face to avoid revealing their identity. For example, you might forgo posting a photo of you two kissing on the beach during vacation and instead go with a photo of two drinks that their hand happens to be in.
While the soft launch *usually* occurs on social media, that doesn’t always have to be the case, says Betsy Chung, PsyD, a licensed clinical psychologist and relationship expert based in Newport Beach, California.
For instance, you can drop hints to your friends and family that you’re seeing someone, but not having them meet yet. Or, maybe you go on a double date with one of your couple friends, but you wait to introduce your new S.O. to your whole friend group—both of these still count as a soft launch, Chung says.
What’s the difference between a soft launch and a hard launch?
A hard launch is the exact opposite of the soft launch. (Think: The 2024 version of changing your Facebook status update to “In a relationship,” Chung says.) Instead of posting an Instagram Story of a coffee mug with your new company's name on it, it’s posting a grid photo of you at your new office, with a caption that clearly states you got a new job. “All of that information is being presented” at once, Cohen says.
Here are the key differences between soft- and hard-launching a relationship, broken down:
Soft Launch:
A photo where you can’t see their face/recognize their identity
Not tagging them/revealing their name
Not being clear on your relationship status
Having them meet some but not all of your friends
Hard Launch:
A photo where you can see their face/recognize their identity
Tagging them/revealing their name
Explicitly stating that you’re in a relationship
Having them meet all of your friends and family
Overall, a hard launch isn’t as safe of a bet as a soft launch, Chung says. When you state news explicitly, you should be prepared to receive questions (and maybe even judgments) about this new partner, and for the possibility that the relationship won't work out after you’ve gone public.
However, when you think about it, a soft launch is just a mini hard launch—they’re really not that different, Cohen says. For example, if you see a photo of your high school classmate kissing someone new on a beach in Maui (a hard launch), you might still have a similar reaction of “Oh wow,” if you saw a low-key photo of them just holding hands without their faces in the pic (a soft launch).
In both situations, “you go from not having information to having information,” she says. “There's just maybe more of that air of mystery [with a soft launch].”
Why do people soft launch their relationships?
There are tons of reasons why someone might soft launch their relationship. Here are some common ones, according to experts:
You’re a private person.
These days, many events in our lives are public through social media, Suwinyattichaiporn says, but they don’t have to be. Maybe you choose to soft launch because you’re private, or you just don’t post a lot on Instagram in general. “People value their privacy, but they also value their larger community,” says Cohen. “You want to share your information or your milestones with people in a way that works for you.”
Your partner is private.
You’re not the only one who might be private: Maybe your new S.O. isn’t ready to be revealed publicly yet, they’re not too keen on social media, or they have a professional reason why they don’t want to be posted, the experts say. “Sometimes, it's not under your control,” Suwinyattichaiporn explains. In this case, maybe you soft launch a photo to keep your friends and family in the loop before eventually having them meet the important people in your life when they're ready. (BTW, if you disagree about soft-launching with your partner, keep reading to learn what to do.)
You’re in a transition period.
A new relationship, job, or move, is a huge change. You might not be ready to hard launch the news because you’re still trying to navigate it for yourself, Chung says.
You want to avoid judgment.
Let’s say you got out of a long-term relationship six months ago and you’ve been ready to move on for a while. Your close friends and family might know that you’re emotionally ready to date again, but other people could think you’re moving on too fast, Chung says. In this case, you might soft launch a new S.O. because you’re “afraid of negative judgment” from your larger social network, Suwinyattichaiporn says.
You don’t know the true status of your new ‘ship yet.
Perhaps you’ve been seeing a Hinge Hottie for a few weeks, but you haven’t had the dreaded “What are we?” conversation yet. If you don’t know the true status of your relationship—including whether you’re exclusively dating them—but you’re still having a good time, that’s a reason to soft launch, Suwinyattichaiporn says.
You want to be mysterious.
Sometimes, it’s fun to be a little ~mysterious~ on social media. Maybe you soft launch because you want people to stay curious about your life, Chung says, or you want to create some kind of allure around your persona, Suwinyattichaiporn adds. In that case, the soft launch is a way to say: “I'm not ready to share this information in full yet, so I'm going to kind of just put it out there and people can draw their conclusions,” Cohen says.
When should I soft launch my relationship?
The general rule of thumb is that there is no rule. It simply “depends on the unique circumstances of the relationship,” Chung says. “Every person is different [and] every relationship is different.” The timing of your soft launch will likely come down to whatever you and your partner agree on. That being said, it’s completely fine to soft launch your ‘ship whenever you want to—even if it's less than a month after you've started seeing them.
“There's no rules about how you should present [that] information” on social media, Cohen adds. “At the end of the day, it's your life, it's your information to share, and you need to do whatever it is that you feel comfortable with.”
How To Soft Launch Your Relationship
The way you choose to soft launch is completely up to you, but overall, you want to get across the message that “you are spending your time with someone else, but we don't necessarily know who that person is yet,” Cohen says.
Here are some ideas:
Instagram Grid Photo: Post a subtle photo representing you’re doing something with a special someone, such as two plane tickets, two drinks, two meals, your hands interlocked, or the back of their head, Cohen and Suwinyattichaiporn say. If you want to be even more ambiguous, post a group photo in which you’re standing next to them, Chung says. (Just remember, in a soft launch, you don’t typically tag the other person’s account, just to keep things more private and mysterious.)
Instagram Story: Even softer is a launch via Instagram Story. When you post one of the photos suggested above, the whole process is even more subtle because the photo will disappear from your profile within 24 hours.
Meme: Post memes on social media that relate to relationships or love, says Chung. This method of soft-launching can hint that there’s a new special someone in your life.
What if my partner doesn’t like soft-launching?
Say you really want to soft launch your ‘ship, but your partner prefers to be hard launched—or, on the opposite side of the spectrum, they don’t want to be featured at all. Either way, it’s of the utmost importance to have open and honest communication about your needs and comfort level around being featured on each other’s social media, Cohen says.
No matter where you are on the social media spectrum, let your partner know. “You can't assume that they're going to be a mind reader because you don't want resentment to build up over time or for people’s feelings to be hurt,” Cohen says. When you chat with your partner, take turns explaining not only if you want to be featured, but why or why not, Suwinyattichaiporn recommends.
You don’t need to justify how you’re feeling, Cohen says, but it’ll be helpful for you to explain your perspective so your partner has a better understanding. For instance, maybe you’re hurt that they don’t want to be featured on social media because you think they’re not proud to be with you. But instead, it’s just that they need to keep their social media strictly to professional posts for their job, Chung says.
It’s all about compromise, because that’s what makes relationships healthy, Chung says. “We generally want to be able to feel like the person that we're with is willing to work with us,” she adds. However, if you’ve had the convo and you’re still not agreeing, respect the boundaries of the person who’s uncomfortable being featured on social media and don’t post photos of them, Cohen says. “You want to make sure that everyone is feeling respected and protected in the relationship,” she adds.
All of this begs the question: Do I have to share my relationship status on social media at all? Nope. “People use social media for all sorts of different reasons, and it is perfectly valid to keep your private life private,” Cohen says. At the end of the day, social media is just a curated version of people’s lives—and sharing your relationship status is part of that too, Chung adds. Whether you're soft- or hard-launching your relationship, you're only giving your followers a peek into it, because you control how much and which parts of your 'ship you choose to share.
Both are valid decisions, and most importantly, yours to make.
Meet the Experts: Marisa T. Cohen, PhD, LMFT, is a marriage and family therapist, relationship scientist, and the founder of Embracing Change Marriage and Family Therapy in New York. Tara Suwinyattichaiporn, PhD, is a professor of relational and sexual communication at California State University, Fullerton. Betsy Chung, PsyD, is a licensed clinical psychologist and relationship expert based in Newport Beach, California.
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