Seven signs your child might be struggling with their mental health

As pupils prepare to return to school after the Christmas break, new stats have revealed a rise in the number of children across England needing specialist treatment for severe mental health crisis.

NHS data shows a 10% rise in emergency, very urgent and urgent referrals for under-18s, to 34,793 between April and October 2024, up from 31,749 in the same period the previous year.

Children requiring emergency care may be suicidal or seriously ill as a result of eating disorders. Those needing an urgent referral also need to be seen quickly and could be at risk of serious harm.

The data, analysed by the charity YoungMinds for the PA news agency, shows there were 4,424 new "very urgent referrals" to mental health crisis care teams between April 2024 and October 2024, up 13% from 3,912 in the same period in the previous year.

The news comes as further research from the NSPCC found that three quarters of UK parents with children under five are anxious about their child’s emotional and mental wellbeing. For parents of six to 11-year-olds, over half (56%) said they were anxious about their child’s mental health and 47% of parents of children between 12 and 17 also expressed the same concern.

Additional stats back up parental fears with recent NHS data revealing that 18% of children aged seven to 16 years and more than a fifth of people aged 17 to 24 years have a probable mental disorder. With research finding that good mental health at age 11 cuts the risk of being overweight or obese at 17, many parents will never have felt more invested in trying to assess their children's wellbeing.

But how do you know if your child is struggling with their mental health?

1. Seeming unusually cheerful

According to psychologist Barbara Santini, a child who suddenly becomes excessively cheerful or eager to please could be masking deep internal distress. "This emotional 'overcompensation' may be their way of avoiding confrontation or hiding their real feelings," she previously told Yahoo UK.

2. Obsession with routines

Another subtle sign is a child who develops an obsession with routines. "While some structure is normal, a child who becomes anxious or distressed when their routine is interrupted may be dealing with underlying anxiety or a need for control," Santini explains. "This often stems from feelings of insecurity, which can manifest in behaviours that might otherwise be dismissed as harmless."

3. Developing unusual fears

Additionally, children who develop unusual fears, such as suddenly becoming afraid of mundane objects or activities, may be signalling that they feel overwhelmed emotionally. "These fears can be misinterpreted as developmental phases, but in reality, they can be expressions of deeper mental struggles," Santini explains.

4. Increased alone-time

"Look out for a child that isolates themselves, and a constant low mood and lack of energy that may manifest in struggling to do anything other than the minimum they have to do every day," Dr Hayley van Zwanenberg, child and adolescent psychiatrist based at the Priory’s Wellbeing Centre in Oxford, previously told Yahoo UK.

5. Changes in how they usually act

One thing for parents to look out for is a change to how their child usually behaves or acts. "We are all impacted differently by mental health and so no two children who are experiencing, say, depression will present in exactly the same way. They will however both likely present different to how they were before the symptoms set in," explains Dr Seb Thompson, consultant clinical psychologist at Cygnet Health Care.

With this in mind he suggests some questions to ask including: "Does anything seem different or is the young person behaving in a different way, e.g. are they withdrawing more than usual or speaking about things less than usual?", "Has their appetite or sleep patterns changed?", "Are they doing things to cope that they didn’t previously?", "Has their thinking styles changed?"

6. Prolonged feelings of sadness

Dr Thompson says concern can also arise when a child isn’t able to move out of prolonged sadness or low mood, and loses interest in activities they previously enjoyed. "A key alert is when they say they feel sad or low without a tangible explanation," he explains. "They may also be irritable and tired over a prolonged period of time. Often, depressed teenagers will have a sense of numbness or emptiness. Depression can also be accompanied by excessive anxieties, and be the underlying reason for changes in eating or sleep patterns."

7. Lack of motivation

Dr van Zwanenberg also recommends parents look out for their child’s dwindling motivation such as abandoning extra-curricular activities and hobbies. "And negative thoughts like: 'I’m a boring person and rubbish at everything'."

How to talk to children about their mental health

Recognising that a child or young person may be struggling with their mental health is the first step in helping them. The next step, according to experts, is to respond appropriately.

Encourage them to open up

Discussing poor mental health needs to be as normal as discussing physical health concerns. "Take a genuine interest in your child’s day, listen and be non-judgemental with any disclosures, even if they are really difficult to hear," advises Ali Curtis, national child and adolescent mental health nurse lead at Cygnet Health Care. "Young People need a safe space to share worries, concerns and fears without fear of being judged or getting in trouble."

Find a conversation starter

Curtis says some parents find it helpful to use soap story lines or news headlines to start a difficult conversation.

"Watching these shows together or discussing them can sometimes be a good ice breaker," she says. "It’s really important for parents to be open and honest and discuss what you’re worried or concerned about. Where possible, give your child choices about how to move forwards in accessing help, and when. Allowing your child to take some control in the process can be very empowering."

Try to avoid problem solving

There might be a temptation to try and go into problem solving mode and try and fix whatever is going on, and sometimes that might be appropriate. "Often however it is having their internal thoughts and feelings validated that makes the most difference," Dr Thompson explains.

Seek help

The first step for formal support is to see the GP. "From here different referrals for mental health professional input can be made, depending on your child’s difficulty," Curtis continues. "If you have concern for your child’s immediate safety, please take them to A&E."

It might be that parents themselves also need some support. "There are plenty of support groups that can provide some reassurance or strategies that might be helpful," Dr Thompson says. "There is a saying that suggests that we need to remember to look after ourselves so that we can help others, and this also applies to parents or carers helping their children."

• The NHS has some further advice on helping children with mental health concerns.

• Childline can be accessed via childline.org.uk or by calling 0800 11 11.

• Young Minds has a free parents helpline 0808 802 5544.

Read more about parenting and mental health:

· Five ways to start mental health conversations with kids, according to Rochelle Humes(Yahoo Life UK, 4-min read)

· I nearly died of anorexia, now I help children with mental health issues (Yahoo Life UK, 11-min read)

· How new fathers can look after their mental health (Yahoo Life UK, 6-min read)