Martine McCutcheon faces 'brutal' blow from 'silent friends' amid split from husband Jack McManus
Parting ways after 12 years of marriage is never going to be easy - not only does it mean a future without your other half, but you also need to untangle an intertwined life that you've built together over the years. And Martine McCutcheon certainly knows what that's like.
Although the former EastEnders star has kept a pretty tight lid on her recent split from husband Jack McManus, in a new Instagram post Martine hinted that she has lost a lot of so-called friends in the wake of her marriage breakdown. Three months on from their separation, Martine let her hair down on a girl's night out, admitting the outing was exactly what she needed following the turmoil. However, the 48-year-old - who shares son Rafferty, nine, with Jack - also revealed some mutual friends she shares with Jack have remained 'silent' or have 'picked sides'.
Sharing a number of snaps from her night on the town, the Love Actually actress detailed to her 634K followers that her recent break-up had been 'brutal' in some aspects - but losing friends in a divorce is all to be expected, according to Tina Wilson, relationship expert and founder of the Wingman app, and it's something that Martine may need to be mindful of.
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“Divorce or breaking up with someone after a long period of time together, as Martine describes, can feel brutal whether it was an amicable break-up or messy," she said.
"It is very common for mutual friends to pick sides as it is sometimes easier to drop one half because many people find it too taxing to maintain a friendship circle with both parties. They may also feel obligated to favour one over the other, even if they were never asked. It is an added layer of distress for a separated couple, as friends are just as important as a partner, and to have a friendship suddenly cut off too just adds to the stress and post-break-up trauma."
In the lengthy Instagram caption, Martine penned that it was the first time she was "out out" in months and, although she felt "blah", her friend "wasn't giving up" on her and she had "so much fun". She continued: "And Samantha, you know that any break up after 18 years isn’t easy, in fact there are some facets that can feel brutal… Mutual “friends” have gone silent, or have clearly picked a side, when they were never, even asked to! But I’m so lucky to have you! You are a gracious, fair, loving, thoughtful, friend and you show them all how it’s done darling!"
She wrote: "Thank you for being so wonderful to me and Rafferty and Jack and for taking the time to make me feel seen and heard. It means so much! I love you “Mate!” #watchout #shesoutout #greatnight #neededitmorethanithought #greatfriends".
However, expert Tina stresses that it can be natural for friends to "feel awkward" during a time of separation as they may not know where things stand with the couple.
"It is normal for friends to feel awkward and to feel the effects of a divorce, especially if the friendships are meaningful. Couples can help ease the awkwardness for their mutual friends by keeping any toxic or negative conversations away from any get-togethers. This is just one reason dropping one side might happen.
"Mutual friends will not want to badmouth the other party, so the separated couple should respect that. In some cases, if this happens and badmouthing occurs, then naturally their mutual friends might pull away or be forced to pick one over the other.
"Having said this, good friends do confide in, support, and give advice to their friends, as well as listen to their friends' problems. These conversations should happen very tactfully or only with friends who don't know the ex, to keep any awkwardness limited.”
Martine announced in August that she had parted ways from Jack after almost two decades together. She explained that it was his decision to call time on their relationship but said she wanted to send him luck with the next chapter of his life. In a statement on Instagram, she wrote: "After much thought and consideration, Jack has decided it's best for us to separate after 18 years together and I accept his decision. We are both so very blessed and grateful for our beautiful, 9 year old son Rafferty, who's happiness and welfare, has always been, and will continue to be, our number 1 priority."
Despite being dealt the heavy blow - that came just two years after renewing their wedding vows - the star said she's viewing this new chapter as a way to be unapologetically herself.
"If I could give anybody advice about living life more slowly or more generally, it would be to trust, trust that the world will still turn," she said on A Gentle Start: The Showercast podcast by Timotei. "You will still turn. You will still be successful. You will still be happy. You will still be busy. Whenever you want to be busy, you will still achieve things, but you will do it at your pace, not anybody else's, yours."
