My husband of 12 years left me for his high school sweetheart

Joanna* was married to Tom* for 12 years before he left her for an ex-girlfriend who he bumped into at the school gates.

My husband Tom* and I met at our first jobs after uni. He was a cameraman and I was a receptionist in the building, we’d always run into each other in the lift after work. After a few brief conversations, he finally asked me out. We had our first date a week later and were inseparable ever since.

My lease ended six months after we met and Tom suggested that we move in together instead of hunting for a new place. Our friends and family thought we were moving too fast, but it felt like the right thing to do.

I'd never lived with a boyfriend before and although I was nervous, I couldn’t wait to move in together. Tom, on the other hand, had lived with his high school sweetheart, Melissa*, for his first two years of uni, until they mutually decided there was something 'missing' from their relationship and decided to call it quits. He’d been living with his flatmate for the past two and a half years and was ready for a change.

Happily married

Living with each other was surprisingly easy. Tom was thoughtful, clean and tidy, and I loved to cook. Every other Friday was date night – just the two of us. We learned to communicate well from the start, so aside from the odd disagreement, our relationship was effortless. Tom was my best friend.

After nearly four years together, we found out we were pregnant. We had always discussed having children, but wanted to wait at least another year when we felt more secure. The pregnancy was a surprise to us both, but we were ecstatic to start a family together.

Ten weeks later – on our fourth anniversary – Tom proposed. With a baby on the way and it being our anniversary, I was half expecting an engagement. Even still, I was shocked when Tom got down on one knee. I couldn’t wait to spend the rest of my life with him.

We decided to elope and marry at the local registry office. I'd always dreamed of having an extravagant wedding, but Tom was low-key and thought it was a 'waste of money.' He reminded me that the focus should be on the marriage, not just the wedding day. I was disappointed, but he was right – weddings were expensive, and we now had a baby on the way to start saving for.

Becoming parents

We found out we were having twin girls during our 12-week scan and were absolutely terrified. Twins did run in my family, but it had never even crossed our minds that we'd also have them – it took us a few weeks to process how much our lives were going to change.

Sara* and Evelyn* were born in January 2012 and became our world. The first few years of parenthood were tough, but Tom and I made a great team. We both knew when to step in and help the other, and thanks to help from our families, we were able to continue our regular date nights, after just a few months.

A big move

A decade later, Tom and I celebrated our 12th wedding anniversary in August 2023. It was a big month for us, celebrating 12 years of marriage and finally moving into our dream house in Tom’s home town, a small village in Somerset.

Up until then, our relationship was easy. Of course we had the odd disagreement, but we always made it our goal to put each other first. Once we moved, all that changed.

The move meant that the girls had to transfer to a different school. To our surprise, Tom’s ex Melissa also had children at the same school. He was upfront and told me that they’d run into each other during the school drop-off. They hadn’t seen each other since uni days and ended up chatting. I didn’t love the idea of him catching up with his ex, but I was grateful that he didn’t try to hide it.

Shocking revelation

What I didn’t know was that Melissa was newly divorced. I’m not sure how often they spoke or what happened next, but four months later, our romantic date night turned into the worst night of my life.

"This isn’t working for me. I want a divorce," Tom said as we sat down for dinner. I was completely blindsided. He said that he was unhappy, and felt like we were growing apart, not together. It was the way he said it that surprised me the most: no emotion – no sadness, or anger – almost like it was a matter-of-fact that we shouldn’t be together.

Until then, I thought everything was fine. In hindsight, maybe we had grown a bit distant, but I never expected him to give up on our relationship so easily. I was dumbstruck.

Tom and I agreed that it was best for me to move out. He stayed at his parents' place whilst I packed up my things and moved back to my home town a few hours away. We decided that too much change wouldn’t be good for the girls, who are now 12, and it would be best for them to finish off the school year where they are now.

Separated from my daughters

Once the term ends, we’re letting the girls decide where they’d like to live – if they’re happy at the school they are at now, I’ll move closer to Tom’s home town. But for now, I have to try and cope by treasuring my nightly chats, weekends and bank holidays with them. Not seeing them every day has been the hardest part of the breakup.

Six months after we split, Tom told me that he was 'casually' seeing Melissa, which came as a huge blow. I kept wondering if things could have worked out differently. What if we never moved? What if I had told Tom I wasn’t comfortable with him speaking to Melissa? Would we still be together?

I’ll never regret my time with Tom; he gave me two beautiful girls and 16 years of wonderful memories. I’m now going to therapy every week, to help me come to terms with the divorce. It’s been nearly 17 years since I’ve been on a date – and frankly, I’m terrified of it. So for now, I’m learning to spend time alone, enjoy my own company and love myself again.

*Names have been changed to protect identities.

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