"I Asked For A New Nurse": Moms Are Sharing Times When They Had To Stand Up For Themselves During Childbirth, And My Jaw Is On The Floor
We recently asked people in the BuzzFeed Community to tell us about a time when they had to advocate for themselves while giving birth, or when a family member had to advocate for them. The responses we received were both shocking and concerning. Here are some of them:
1."My husband and I made it very clear to my OB-GYN in the months leading up to my delivery that our son would not be circumcised, and had it in our birth plan."
"Despite this, we were asked as soon as I got to the hospital in labor. I was asked by the OB-GYN that was working that day, and I was asked within five minutes of delivering my son when I was in no mental condition to answer any questions. The pediatrician who checked over my son also asked me, and that was where I put my foot down and told them if I was asked one more time, I was leaving immediately and taking my son somewhere where I wouldn’t be harassed. They never asked me again.
A few days later my husband told me that after my outburst the pediatrician pulled him aside and tried to convince him to consent to having our son circumcised because, 'Your wife is being hysterical and not thinking clearly.' My husband said his exact response was, 'Go fuck yourself.'
Needless to say we will never go back to that hospital or pediatrician. We filed a complaint with the hospital for being harassed. This was well over a year ago, and we’ve heard nothing back."
—Anonymous
2."I was getting a C-section, and while on the operating table with my arms strapped down about to be cut open, my doctor had the balls to ask me if I was sure I wanted my tubes tied."
"I had already signed the paperwork for the tubal ligation, and my husband and I were 100% sure this was our last child. The doctor continued to say, after cutting me open, 'Are you sure? You have such a healthy uterus. You could have 10 more babies. I need job security.' This was insensitive and not the time to joke about family planning."
—Anonymous
3."I knew I didn't want to breastfeed, so I asked for some sort of lactation suppression medication, and the nurse scolded me and told me that this approach was 'too extreme' for a first-time mom."
"I had to fight with her to get it prescribed to me, even though it was already in my medical chart and my doctor had already prescribed it."
4."I had been admitted the night before to be induced, got zero sleep that night, then laid in bed with instructions not to eat anything while having contractions all day."
"The induction medicine made the contractions a thousand times worse, and I asked for the pain medicine IV because I couldn’t have the epidural for another three hours. The IV made me sick, and I proceeded to throw up for the few hours leading up to the time to push.
Well the doctor gets in there, and I’ve got my grandmother on one side and my husband and his mom on the other side, and the doctor says it’s time to push. I push once, then we pause, and I think, 'Man, I don’t have any energy.' I push again and we pause, and the doctor says, 'I really need you to push harder.' It’s at this moment that I realize I don’t have a lot of pushes left in me. I know my body, and I know I’m running out of energy from being sick all day and not having eaten in 24 hours.
I asked my grandmother and husband if they can put their hands behind my back and help me sit up and do a crunch, basically so I can push. The doctor said, 'No, no, no! You need to do the pushing yourself!' Right before I pushed again, I gave my husband and my grandmother this look that said, 'Screw what the doctor just said, help me sit up!'
So they put their hands behind my lower back as I sat up and pushed the baby came out. Looking back, I honestly don’t know how much longer I could have pushed hard enough on my own. I’m glad I trusted my instincts, and I'm glad my husband and my grandmother were there and on my side, too."
—Anonymous
5."I first tried to have a home birth, but my midwife heard an arrhythmia in my baby's heartbeat so we went to the hospital."
"My midwife had gone home to pump as she had just had a baby, and my husband ran home to get some clothes as we had planned for a home birth. While both of them were gone, the doctors and nurses ganged up on me and tried to make me have a C-section because it was a shift-change and the baby apparently needed to be born before shift-change was over!
I absolutely was not having it, and my daughter was born three and a half hours later without a C-section! She and I were perfectly healthy! No C-section was needed, neither of us were in danger. It was seriously all about a shift-change and money for the doctor and hospital."
—Anonymous
6."I have a permanent ileostomy from colon cancer, so I had no idea what to expect from myself, and my body, or my doctor."
"My OB-GYN was upfront and said she had never delivered an ostomy patient's baby, so she connected me with a GREAT team of nurses, and even brought my specialist on board. I told everyone how I wanted my birth to go down to plan B, and C, and even D.
My husband was also involved in all the plans, and although we pivoted to plan E in the end with an emergency C-section after 40 hours of labour, I felt heard by everyone. They took my concerns seriously, and I was SO lucky. I think the doctors respected that I had done my research, was very in tune with my body, and I also like to think they learned from me! And now I have a happy, healthy baby girl, and still no colon!"
7."I was in labor with my daughter, my second child. I ended up with a new OB-GYN because I switched practices."
"At the very beginning of my pregnancy and closer to my due date, I shared how my first labor had gone with the doctor. My two biggest concerns were that my epidural failed, and as soon as my water broke, my son was delivered in less than three hours. I assumed all of this information would have been in my chart, but no one at the hospital knew any of the history related to my previous labor. When I would try to tell them, they disregarded MY actual labor experiences.
Because I wasn’t dilating and my contractions weren’t regular, they wanted to send me home. I told them if my water broke I would start dilating. As they were telling me they were going to admit me despite not seeming to progress with my labor, my water broke so violently that we all heard it pop and the gush of it coming out. Would you believe that all of a sudden I went from four centimeters dilated to nine in less than two hours? My contractions were so intense that they actually had to give me an injection of medicine to slow down my labor.
The only positive aspect of my labor experience was when I had met with an anesthesiologist prior to labor who graciously tried three times and finally got my epidural in and working. My daughter was born healthy, but no other pregnant person should ever have to beg for medical professionals to listen to them."
8."I was a first-time mother-to-be at 17 years old. I had labored through the night, and the doctor decided to give me medication to speed up the delivery since I wasn’t dilating."
"Not even five minutes after being checked, I sat upright in the bed and told the nurse that the baby was coming. She denied it, saying she had just checked me. Thankfully my mom was there with me and talked the nurse into 'humoring me' and checking again. Sure enough I was fully dilated, and the baby’s head was crowning.
I had never seen a nurse move so fast disconnecting the monitors and calling for assistance, then getting the bed ready to move to the delivery room. They actually were running down the hall to make it to the delivery room in time before they had labor and delivery in the same room."
—Anonymous
9."I knew my baby would need to be seen immediately by NICU staff after birth, as told by my OB-GYN, and the nurse was also aware."
"She said she would call them 'a couple hours into pushing,' since it was my first baby, and she said they 'always come slow.' From the first push to my daughter being born was 19 minutes. Luckily for me and my baby, she did call the NICU team when she realized it wasn't going to be hours of pushing.
They were able to safely intubate my baby, get her oxygen so she was no longer blue and purple, and finally have her cry after several terrifying minutes of silence and seeing five medical professionals crowded around her while there was nothing I could do.
To be VERY clear, I know that the various medical staff members were doing the best they could. I respect them immensely and know that they have a tough job. On the other hand, had I not spoken up for myself on many occasions, things might not have gone so well."
10."When I had my first baby, I was in labor for 29 hours before needing an emergency C-section."
"When I hit hour 20, I decided I wanted an epidural. I tried the gas, and it made me super nauseous. While I tried to sit still for the epidural and breathe through a contraction, one of the nurses kept putting the mask with the gas on my face. I told her no and pushed the mask away four times before I finally grabbed it and handed it to my husband.
Then after my daughter was born, I was having trouble breastfeeding, and I asked the nurse if I could have some formula for her. She scrunched her face up at me and said, 'No I’m not doing that. Try harder to feed your baby,' and walked out of the room. I hobbled my ass down the hall to the nurses station and asked for a new nurse."
—lww
11."I was getting a C-section, and the drugs were starting to make me nauseous. While in the operating room, my OB-GYN was playing loud music."
"I could hear him asking everyone, 'Hey, you like the music? It’s my nephew’s band.' I felt like I was in the Friends episode where the doctor delivering the triplets for Phoebe had to watch Happy Days on TV. Luckily, my anesthesiologist spoke up for me and told him to turn off the music until he got me feeling better."
—anonymous
12."I was able to do skin-to-skin immediately after my firstborn, which was a C-section."
"I was able to carry her while being rolled out of the operating room into my hospital room. Two years later I asked for the same thing, and they said they don’t allow that. I had to remind them that I was just there and I would like to do the same thing with my second child. She was a planned C-section.
They allowed it, which I am grateful for. A mama shouldn’t have to be separated from her newborn immediately after birth. There were enough people there to make sure I wouldn’t drop her by accident. That is the fear, that rolling into a new room right after giving birth could pose a threat to the baby. My husband and the nurses would never let that happen. I got that first contact skin-to-skin time but had to fight for it."
—Anonymous
13."After my third C-section, I noticed heavy bleeding from my incision. When I mentioned it to the nurse, she dismissed it as normal."
"However, having been through this twice before, I knew it wasn’t. Further scans revealed I had a seroma, which ultimately resulted in tissue loss and led to a medically necessary mini tummy tuck."
14."My first pregnancy with twins was a high-risk pregnancy. I was induced at 38 weeks and had to go in the night before."
"During this pregnancy I was anemic and would get very lightheaded if I laid on my back, so I could only be on my side. When the night nurse came in to put on the fetal monitors, she made me lie on my back so she could monitor both babies' heartbeats.
Both me and my mom kept telling her I couldn’t lay on my back and that I was uncomfortable. She would not listen to me. When she would leave, I would move to my side, and she would come back and get upset that I moved. This went on all night with me in tears and not being able to sleep, and my mom getting upset with the nurse. When the shift changed in the morning, my mom told the new nurse my situation, and the nurse was so helpful, accommodated my request, and was able to get the heart monitors on while I was on my side. It’s so important for mothers to speak up."
—Anonymous
15."My doctor said after my baby's head was taking some time to pop out that they were going for the forceps (a surgical tool), and I told her, 'No, we're going for the vacuum extraction (suction to help deliver the baby).'"
"They gave me the 'She knows about that?' look, and indeed, that's what they went for. Read, research, and prepare during your pregnancy so they cannot treat you as if you're not knowledgeable about labor, delivery, and, most importantly, your own body. Speak up for yourself, or have a good advocate by your side if you cannot."
16."My situation was during COVID, so all birthing classes were canceled."
"It was my first time giving birth, so I requested 'all the drugs' from the time I showed up, until after my water broke. Labor moved along quickly, and when contractions were close, I asked for an epidural. An hour and a half later, the anesthesiologist showed up and sheepishly poked his head in the room after it was too late.
While pushing (and begging for the excruciating pain to stop), all I saw was my own reflection in the ceiling. My husband was throwing up, and the nurses asked me if he was OK. Within minutes of my baby being born, the midwife went elbow deep in my lady pocket to retrieve my placenta with absolutely no explanation to me (before, during, or after) while I was screaming 'No!' and begging her to stop. Afterwards, she told me that I had a really strong pelvic floor. What a dehumanizing experience. No wonder so many women struggle with baby blues and postpartum depression."
—Anonymous
17."Around hour 60 of my labor, I still wasn't close to being fully dilated and needed a C-section."
"The surgeon introduced himself to me and my husband. When he heard our last name, he mentioned he had a fraternity brother with the same last name as us. He turned out to be my husband's actual brother, and the two of them had a lengthy conversation. I finally had to say, 'Excuse me, pregnant woman over here who wants to get this over with!'"
—Anonymous
18."I had preeclampsia and had to have a C-section at 27 weeks, so it was all-around not a great experience."
"The cherry on top was the anesthesiologist, who didn't believe me that the epidural I'd had 15 hours previously had worn off and couldn't have acted more annoyed about giving me another one while I was in the operating room getting ready to be sliced open."
19."My daughter would not be 5 and a half years old today if I had not advocated for myself."
"The doctor who happened to be on-call the day that I got sent to the hospital was the one doctor our family friend had said not to choose because she had been sued for the death of a baby as a result of her choosing to play it safe and waited too long to deliver it.
She tried to do the exact same thing to me, trying to send me home. I said, 'Absolutely not. I want a second opinion.' A different doctor came in, looked at the situation, and said, 'Guess what? You’re having a baby today.' Turns out my daughter was in distress because the cord was wrapped around her neck twice and I needed an emergency C-section."
20.And finally, "Oh, hey, this is happening to my wife right now. I’m currently sitting in the hospital room with her."
"The head nurse is advocating for popping her water and rushing along with delivery. Our nurse in the room is more comfortable having this delivery move along naturally. Normally, I am not confident advocating for myself. But I WILL advocate for my wife."
If you have a story about a time when you or a family member had to advocate for you during your labor and delivery, share it with us in the comments below, or via this anonymous Google form.
Responses have been edited for length/clarity.
