Disneyland Hotel, Paris review: heaven for seven year olds and fashion editors alike
When I say I’m taking my seven year old daughter to Disneyland there’s usually two reactions: either abject horror or bemused sighs of what a nice parent I am. It might seem off-brand for a fashion editor, but I adore Disney. I love the naff kitschiness, the inane tones of It’s a Small World, the implication that nothing bad could ever happen, the pure homely, apple-pie weirdness of it all.
The last time I came to Disneyland Paris was the early Nineties. We stayed at the Davy Crockett themed hotel, which was essentially caravans covered in plastic logs cosplaying as cabins in the woods. I adored it. It remains a childhood highlight, a strange sort of magic of scream-inducing thrills, sugar highs and unfathomable excitement over people dressed up as cartoon characters.
I’ve been waiting until my daughter was old enough so that she could remember it, and be tall enough to get on the good rides.
We started our trip with a couple of days in Paris, in theory we were going up the Eiffel Tower and seeing all the sights the City of Lights has to offer. Unfortunately after an accident on our first day we spent most of our time in the children’s hospital with my daughter requiring minor surgery on her hand (she was thankfully fine, and side note — I can’t recommend the French medical system more). I was slightly reticent if after this Disney was a terrible idea. When I told the hospital nurse we were going as she prepared my daughter for surgery she looked as if she might call le social services.
But given that we still had the rest of the week before our flight back home, I wasn’t sure what else to do. Apart from anything she was already livid about the hospital, taking Disney away would instigate a drama of epic proportions. Life is short, I thought. Go to Disneyland!
The trip from central Paris was easy and, thrillingly for my daughter, on a double decker train with Mickey Mouse signage. We arrived at the branded gates rather battered, bruised and in need of some serious cheering up.
The weather was grotty. But walking into the entrance, all mouse-motif landscaping and piped music was soporific bliss. As we hummed I asked her, “How long until you think the music gets annoying?”. “What music?” she said. Perhaps the anaesthetic was still wearing off, I worried.
We swayed on over to the pink vision that is the Disneyland Hotel, in its plum territory bordering the gates of the park. Inside was somewhat chaotic but I think the spirit is to lean into it all. Under the giant chandelier in the hall-like reception area, children span around in glitzy Disney-merch outfits, in one corner there was a Beauty and the Beast enactment going on. At check in, we almost fell into the arms of the reception staff (sorry, cast members) who immediately started referring to my daughter as ‘princess’.
We swept up the grand staircase to our room; I made a Titanic joke which she didn’t understand. The hotel has been recently renovated, and the room has a set up which has been carefully thought through for ultimate ease, with a few dashes of Disney-magic, too.
Our ‘superior’ room double beds were framed with Belle artwork, the bathroom tiles if you looked closely showed Cinderella. A magic drawer opened to unveil glasses, tea cups and the like; coffee machines and kettle; the giant mirror was a television; elegant benches sat at the end of our two double beds. Don’t bother packing adaptor plugs as there are USB plug-ins. There was a child-size robe and slippers which thrilled my mini-break buddy. A knock on the door and we were presented with a box of chocolates disguised as a book. All catnip to my daughter, who’d come equipped with an array of Minnie Mouse and Disney outfits to wear in the park. We like to dress the part.
The joy of staying at the Disneyland Hotel is its proximity to the action; there’s even a special gate in to avert from too much queuing. Personally, I wouldn’t take a child younger than my one, last year she wouldn’t have got on as many rides and would definitely have whinged a lot more with the daily step count. There’s the much touted ‘Magic Hour’ whereby you can enter the parks an hour before anyone else, but we never quite made it in time.
There are two restaurants in the hotel plus the Fleur de Lys bar. Both eateries sit next to one another. The Royal Banquet offers what it calls ‘gourmet banquet’ which is a fairly extensive buffet option. At breakfast there are all the usual pancake, cereal, yoghurt, bacon and egg elements you’d imagine. Fruit, perhaps not surprisingly for the crowd, is in rather short supply. I was hoping for an array of freshness, but on both days we ate here there was but a rather sad bowl of mixed fruit salad. This of course didn’t trouble my daughter in the least who wolfed down as much Nutella with hot chocolate chaser as she could stomach.
Dinner is the real catch here — primarily because you will be visited by Mickey and friends in their suitably regal attire. It’s not just the kids who are giddy and star-struck. A woman at the next table pulled up her husband’s trousers to show his giant Donald Duck tattoo to, you guessed it, the duck himself.
The food was again a bounteous looking buffet, but I was surprised that there weren’t that many explicitly kid friendly options. My daughter isn’t that fussy, but she wasn’t up for the rich meat dishes drenched in sauces and so largely existed on the Mickey-shaped potatoes (admittedly delicious) and crudités selection. A pizza and simple pasta station would be a useful addition here. Equally while the patisserie desserts were beautifully decadent, what she really wanted was some ice cream. For the cost of the meal (€50 for kids, €100 for adults) I did expect a little more.
Next door is the La Table de Lumière billed as a fancier, more high cuisine option (this is also where you’ll get to mingle with the Disney Princesses).
Overall the food at Disney is disappointing and expensive. Throughout the park there are various options all offering fairly uninspiring fast food experiences riffing off Disney hits. The best we found was Pizzeria Bella Notte which takes its thematic cue from Lady and the Tramp (which sucked me right in). The pasta here wasn’t half bad (comparative to everything else) and they do Mickey shaped kids pizzas which delighted her majesty. It’s probably worth venturing into the ‘Disney Village’ for dinner if you’re staying in one of the themed hotels outside the park, there are far more options here than inside the park and include high street chains in which you might fare better. But ultimately bring snacks, keep your expectations fairly low and prepare to wince at every bill.
One treat which went down very well with my daughter was the ‘My Royal Dream’ makeover experience which is available to hotel guests. There are various levels of commitment to the bit: our appointment included a dress and shoes of her choice from the Royal Collection boutique (which houses merch exclusive to the hotel), hair and makeup, plus full photo session. I think in a year’s time she’d be reluctant to do it, but it certainly sealed off her princess era with hilarious panache. I for one can’t wait to bring out the pageant style pictures of her trussed up as Belle on her 18th.
While the hotel provided a luxe and extremely comfortable base (coming back to hot chocolate in bed, with a fairytale story left on our pillows at turn down — heaven) the main attraction was of course the attractions.
Our first stop in the park was for Minnie ears, of course. Main Street was pretty much as I remembered it, those pastel, hokey Americana store-fronts. I would argue that the Disney treats and merch were better in the Nineties, everything feels a little flimsy and unimaginative and certainly isn’t cheap. Do prepare to spend a lot of time fending off requests to buy the endless items which are available on repeat on stalls and stores across the two parks (The Magic Kingdom and Walt Disney Studios).
Some do’s and don’ts: Definitely download the app. You can see how big the queues are on each ride and the interactive map is a huge help when you inevitably get lost.
We went in the school holidays and the crowds were impressive; if you want to catch the parades (currently showing is the fun Disney Symphony of Colours) then start milling around the central area in front of the Sleeping Beauty castle early.
If you can, plump for Premier Access, which means you can skip at least halfway to the front on most rides. I’d call it a lifesaver. It meant that by the end of our first day we’d got round most of the rides we wanted to and then could spend the rest of time heading back around on our favourites.
Do catch a show at Walt Disney Studios — they’re really great and a brilliant way to have a sit down. But again, you do need to get in there early to get a spot. We saw the Pixar character dance show and it was fab.
My daughter is a complete thrill seeker, but the Avengers Assemble ride (which will fling you upside down) was too much for her. The Twilight Zone Tower of Terror however — where you’re ‘dropped’ down a lift shaft over and over again — was her hands down favourite. She forced me on it a stomach-churning three times. I adored the Ratatouille ride which was a delight!
We walked ate least 15,000 steps each day — so take comfy trainers — plus a waterproof. It rained on and off for most of our three days there, which while not a total dampener did mean we had to shell out for a plastic poncho for my daughter (a personal red line, for me).
All in all it was very much what I wanted it to be; she adored it and sobbed when we had to pack up and ship out. I found my seven year old buddy to be the very best park companion, up for everything, entranced by the whole schtick and cheered up immeasurably after our rocky start. Additionally, I was calmed by the opportunity to unleash all my pent up emotion from our hospital detour by screaming into the black oblivion of as many roller coasters as possible. Forget therapy, just give me Star Wars Hyperspace mountain.
Enjoy a one-night stay at Disneyland Paris from £463 per person, including accommodation at Disneyland Hotel with access to the Disney Parks for two days and direct return flights with EasyJet. To book visit: disneylandparis.com. Terms and conditions: Price is based on two adults and two children (aged 3-9) sharing a Superior Room at Disneyland Hotel, with direct return economy flights from London Luton to Paris Charles de Gaulle. Price is based on a departure date of 3rd November 2024. All prices and itinerary correct as of 13th June 2024 and subject to availability and change.
