How to start co-parenting, as Molly-Mae Hague and Tommy Fury split
In the aftermath of Molly-Mae Hague and Tommy Fury’s breakup announcements, fans have been wondering how the former couple will work together to co-parent their young daughter, Bambi.
On Wednesday 14 August, Hague and Fury, who first met in 2019 when they competed on Love Island, shared separate statements to let fans know their five-year relationship had ended.
Hague, 25, wrote in her statement: "Never in a million years did I ever think I’d have to write this. After five years of being together, I never imagined our story would end, especially not this way. I am extremely upset to announce that mine and Tommy’s relationship has come to an end.
"I will forever be grateful for the most important thing to me now and always, my beautiful daughter. Without us there would be no her, she will always be my priority."
In a shorter statement, Fury wrote: "I am heartbroken that Molly and I have decided to end our relationship. The past five years have led to us having our beautiful baby girl, Bambi, and I will be forever thankful to Molly for making me a dad. Bambi is our priority."
The pair will now have to figure out how to navigate co-parenting while going through a difficult and emotional time - something many couples who have broken up or divorced can relate to.
Parents in a similar situation to Hague and Fury’s will have to make hard decisions, particularly at the start of their co-parenting journey. We turned to Annabelle Knight, sex and relationship expert at Lovehoney, for advice.
‘Differences need to be put aside’
Whether or not the break-up was amicable, figuring out how to co-parent with a former partner is hard. But it’s best to try and keep things as neutral as possible to avoid stressing the children out.
"However broken up couples decide to proceed with their co-parenting in the early stages, it’s important that every decision puts the child first," Knight says.
"Regardless of whatever anger or resentment exists, these differences need to be put aside. No matter what their age, kids can quickly pick up on tension or negativity, so it’s important not to fight or argue when they are around; it may be easier to let some things slide for the sake of making things easier.
"Consistency is key; children are on the edge of a major upheaval in their lives, so parents should work together to keep things running as smoothly as possible. Try to keep routines consistent to provide stability, including maintaining similar schedules, bedtime routines, rules, and discipline."
She adds: "Remember that while you may not be a couple anymore, you are still parents. Collaborate on creating a parenting plan that outlines custody arrangements, visitation schedules, decision-making responsibilities, and financial obligations. Think about things from a logistical perspective, try to remove emotion until the basics are sorted."
How do I deal with my feelings while being there for my children?
Going through a breakup can bring up all sorts of very difficult emotions, from sadness to heartbreak to anger. Keep friends and family around you who can help support you through this time, but don’t lean on your children for emotional support - they are depending on you for that, Knight says.
"Having the right support circle after a break up is vital, as parents should absolutely not rely on their children for emotional support, nor bottle everything up inside and become overwhelmed," she advises.
"Children learn by observing, so it’s important to model healthy coping mechanisms and lead by example, such as talking about how you are feeling - whilst keeping those boundaries in place - or engaging in relaxation techniques.
"It may be hard - especially in the initial stages - but avoid expressing anger, sadness or frustration in front of your child. Your ex is still an important part of their lives, and the relationship needs to remain a positive one for their sake."
Make sure you take care of yourself during this time, too. "Self care is more important than ever. Whether the break up was unexpected or amicable, there will still be some hurt there, and it’s important to prioritise your physical and mental wellbeing. Lean on your support network and take time to recharge. Single life may seem unfamiliar at first, but try to see it as a time to re-find yourself and explore hobbies that make you feel fulfilled.
"Open and honest communication with your ex is key to making co-parenting, and co-existing, work. You will need to set clear boundaries to protect your emotional wellbeing, and engage in active listening, without assigning blame or being critical. Find common ground in your co-parenting; remember you still have your child in common, and they should always be your priority."
What boundaries should I set with my former partner so we can co-parent?
Setting boundaries can be useful to navigate co-parenting with an ex, so that you can keep feelings separate from the responsibilities you share to take care of your children.
Boundaries will vary between individual couples, but Knight says there are some general rules that can be quite effective.
"You may choose to limit communication to certain hours of the day - to safeguard evenings or mornings. You may have rules surrounding what you are allowed to talk about, for example, you may only wish to discuss co-parenting for the time being, and want to avoid conversations around finances or legal matters.
"Above all, avoid late-night or emotionally charged conversations, as these can lead to misunderstandings."
She adds: "In terms of personal boundaries, a good rule is to have clear respect for each other’s personal lives, and avoid sharing intimate details about what you do in your own time. Cutting contact on social media is always a good choice, as this avoids sending you down a memory lane rabbit hole."
Read more about sex and relationships:
Is a cheater ‘always a cheater?’ Love experts weigh in (Yahoo Life UK, 5-min read)
Psychologists say this 'cheaper than therapy’ hack can stop rows from escalating (Yahoo Life UK, 2-min read)
How a simple 'thank you' can strengthen relationships (Yahoo Life UK, 4-min read)
