17 Stories That Prove Pretty Privilege Is Very Real And Very Messed Up
"Pretty privilege" refers to the advantages and preferential treatment given to people who are considered attractive. It can be expressed in a variety of ways, including increased career opportunities and social popularity.
So we at BuzzFeed asked members of the BuzzFeed Community to share times they experienced or witnessed pretty privilege, and some of the stories were pretty ugly.
And if you have a story, let us know in the comments or by filling out this anonymous Google Form. Your responses could be featured in a BuzzFeed Community post.
Below are 14 stories of pretty privilege in action, followed by two stories that discuss the flip side of pretty privilege, and then one anecdote about what happens when people try but fail to capitalize on the privilege:
1."I saw a news report done in the early 2000s. They conducted an experiment where they had both male and female models walk down the street and drop a stack of papers. People fell all over themselves trying to help them. They then repeated the exercise with more ordinary-looking men and women, and no one bothered to assist them when they dropped the stack of papers. By the end of the experiment, one of the 'ordinary-looking' women was crying."
—Lois
2."I knew twin sisters who really were remarkably different looking. One was super conventionally pretty, and the other not so much. They grew to have completely different personalities, which was definitely a result of how they were treated. People would smile and be nice to the pretty one and look to find fault with the other twin, even when they were just kids. I wish I could say the not-as-pretty one overcame it all and became a badass success story, but life just ground her down. This world is a rough place."
3."My wife and I are fortunate enough to have undeniably beautiful children. But as a result, we have observed daycare and school teachers allowing our children to exhibit bad behavior while punishing other children when they do the same thing. Finally, I asked a teacher directly if she was allowing this bad behavior with our daughters because our girls are cute, and she admitted to me that there is a definite bias towards cute kids. I was mortified, but what could I say? My girls were the beneficiaries of this bias."
—Anonymous
4."I was a pudgy kid, but I was always very athletic. My mom was the hot girl jock when she went to high school (and never really gave up that identity) and was mortified that her daughter was only half of that equation. Thanks to her, I developed anorexia (which is what she had and still struggles with). As soon as I was no longer pudgy, I was suddenly the person everyone wanted to be friends with, and I got to experience popularity during my sophomore year of high school. It felt gross to me and definitely didn’t help my self-esteem."
"That was many years ago, and after many ups and downs, I really don’t care anymore. People still love me, but now I know it’s because I’m a fun person, not because I'm skinny. I’m a fledgling bodybuilder, which is a definite turn-off for some folks who see me, but they’re the ones who reveal themselves to be 100% not worth my time, and it feels good."
5."When I think of pretty privilege, I think of all the fairy tales where the protagonist is beautiful and 'good' while the villain is described as evil and 'ugly.'"
6."I worked with a guy who kept asking me out, but I was in a relationship. When that relationship finally ended, I went out with the guy from work. On our date, while making out, he told me that I would be a '10' if I lost 10 pounds. I got up and threw him out."
—Anonymous
7."The small company I worked for planned on ordering matching shirts for an upcoming event. The business where the shirts would be ordered from had an upcharge for plus size. During a meeting involving all the employees, my boss loudly announced that she would not pay extra for the plus-size option and that I’d have to cover the extra cost of my shirt. I was mortified and felt humiliated."
—Anonymous
8."I used to work with a really good-looking guy. He told me he'd been offered the job in every single interview he'd ever done."
9."My siblings all came out adorable. I did not. I inherited a weird mish-mash of my parents' features that I didn't grow into until my 20s. Now, I'm probably about a solid six. But in my teens, I was immensely awkward-looking. It was so demoralizing to be flirting with a guy and have my sister walk up, and his attention immediately turned to her. Worse, she knew it and would poach a guy, even if she knew I had a crush on him. She is thankfully no longer like this."
10."I was living in New York at 23. At the time, I was an actress and was very petite and had been told I was pretty. I went out shopping with one of my actress friends at a Lululemon. She is gorgeous and plus-sized. When I walked in ahead of her, all the clerks swarmed me and started trying to grab things for me to try on. I started looking at sports bras, and my friend came in and started looking at them with me. The store vibe went from welcoming to frigid in less than five seconds. One single associate came over and gave my friend the once over, and she said, 'These bras won’t work for you. The ones on the end have more support, but I’m not sure what sizes we have available.'"
"My friend froze, and her face turned bright red. I was so mad I grabbed my friend and said, 'I think I’m done shopping here and won’t be returning.'
My friend was crushed. It was the first time I had witnessed this in real life, and I wanted to destroy every last one of the yogi butt heads."
—Anonymous
11."In high school, I was kind of an ugly duckling. I never thought of myself as ugly, but I didn’t have anyone fawning over me. I was skinny, wore glasses, and was lower middle class, so I didn’t have the cool clothes or get to take great vacations every summer. We lived in a modest house (900 sq. ft.), and I didn’t have a car until after I graduated. Even then, it wasn’t a 'cool' car; it was a six-year-old, four-door sedan."
"Cut to my 20-year class reunion, and I had apparently had a 'glow-up' because guys who hadn’t given me the time of day were flocking to talk to me. Meanwhile, other than the girls I had been friends with my whole life, hardly any women spoke to me.
I was there with my husband, and he was a great sport, hanging out with a bunch of people he didn’t know at all. We were invited to the after-party, which I had NEVER been invited to before.
It was a fun evening, and the next year, some of us got together again, but now 12 years have passed, and I haven’t seen any of them since."
12."An old friend of mine literally looked like a Barbie doll, with naturally blonde hair and big blue eyes. She was also tall, thin, and curvy. When we initially met, she was married to her first husband. After she pulled the plug on that marriage, we went to clubs and bars together. She got A LOT of attention from men. She even met her second husband about two months post-divorce, and they were engaged 15 months later. I was single and had never been married when they got engaged. I have to admit I was jealous. Like b*tch, can’t I have a turn before you get your second husband?!"
13."Attractiveness is why serial killer Ted Bundy was able to abduct and kill so many women. Sometimes, he wore a cast so that he appeared to need help, and women would help him to his car (and then were never seen alive again). If Ted were ugly, fewer people would have helped him. Being pretty or handsome doesn’t mean that one isn’t capable of committing horrible acts. And being ugly or average doesn’t automatically make one a criminal."
14.And lastly: "At 52, I still exercise obsessively just so I can still enjoy the 'privilege.' 😎"
And now, here are two stories that the BuzzFeed Community shared that explore the ways in which some people find privilege in not being considered conventionally attractive:
15."Now that I am in my 40s, a little on the chubby side, with grey hairs and wrinkles, I am much happier. It is lovely to be invisible to men. I no longer feel unsafe because I no longer have men making creepy comments or following me around stores. It is so freeing."
—Ehch
16."Yes, being pretty literally opens doors for you, but there’s the much scarier, darker side of it, too. I’ve been stalked, groped, assaulted, verbally and sexually abused, kidnapped, threatened, accused of enticing men, etc. You learn there are places you just can’t go by yourself or after certain hours, things you can’t wear, or things you can’t do or say because it’ll be misinterpreted…like smiling and saying 'hello.'"
17.BuzzFeed reader PsycWench shared an interesting insight to think about, as well: "There’s some research that suggests what we probably all knew anyway: Pretty privilege exists, but if you are perceived as somehow trading on it, the tables are turned. We like pretty people but do not like people who use their looks to their advantage."
So, there you have it: 14 stories that show how pretty privilege is, unfortunately, very real, two stories that explore the flip-side of pretty privilege, and then a reference to a study that explores what happens when people overly rely on their pretty privilege. Did any of these stories resonate with you? Do you have a story of your own? Let us know in the comments or by filling out this anonymous Google Form.
Your responses could be featured in a BuzzFeed Community post!
Note: Some submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.
The National Alliance on Mental Illness helpline is 1-800-950-6264 (NAMI) and provides information and referral services; GoodTherapy.org is an association of mental health professionals from more than 25 countries who support efforts to reduce harm in therapy.
If you or someone you know is struggling with an eating disorder, The National Alliance for Eating Disorder helpline can be reached at 866-662-1235 in the US. The helpline is run by clinicians and offers emotional support for individuals and their family, as well as referrals for all levels of eating disorder care.
