Woman Rejects Bridesmaid Role After Bride Makes Grandmother’s Death About Herself: ‘She Hasn’t Been There for Me’

• A woman asked Reddit users whether or not she's in the wrong for wanting to refuse being a bridesmaid and ending her friendship with the bride

• "She hasn’t been there for me during one of the hardest times of my life ... Honestly, I don’t feel like she’s been a friend for a while," the Redditor wrote of the bride

• The bride accused the woman of being a "bad friend" when she didn't invite her to her grandmother's funeral, and has repeatedly ditched her to hang out with her "controlling" fiancé

A woman is declining to be a bridesmaid because the bride said "hurtful" things after her grandmother died from cancer.

In a post on Reddit's "Am I the A------?" forum, the woman, 28, explained why she is refusing to be a bridesmaid and ending her friendship with the bride, 26. Things got rocky when she met the "controlling" groom, but worsened after the bride made her grandmother's death about herself.

The bride and groom began dating six months ago. When the Redditor first met her best friend's then-boyfriend at lunch, she noticed several "red flags." In addition to him being "two hours late," his behavior made her "uncomfortable" as he was "overly touchy" and "ignored" her after his girlfriend asked him to stop.

"[He] became a bit controlling," the woman recalled. "He told her not to talk about their relationship with anyone and she stopped opening up to me. He wanted [to] 'have a talk with me' to not talk to her so late one time (it was only 11). When I pointed out these red flags she brushed them off, saying no one else had ever shown her attention before."

As the soon-to-be groom was driving a wedge between the women, the Redditor was having her own struggles in her personal life. Her grandmother was dying and when she needed the support of her friend, she wasn't there.

"She repeatedly declined [to talk in order] to hang with [her boyfriend], even though I had supported her through her family crisis last year," she wrote. "Eventually, I stopped reaching out."

After the woman's grandmother died, an out-of-state funeral was held. Due to the three-hour travel required, the woman didn't invite any of her friends to attend the funeral. But two friends surprised her anyway by showing up unexpectedly. This made the bride-to-be feel left out.

"Weeks later [she] called, upset I didn’t invite her, claiming I excluded her on purpose," the Redditor explained. "I told her I didn’t invite anyone but she accused me of being a bad friend and dismissed everything I’d been going through. I told her I needed grace to not be ok, but the conversation left me hurt."

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Even though the woman's friend apologized a few months later and said she wanted to "fix" their friendship, she didn't actually put any effort into doing so.

"I noticed I was always the one reaching out again after, so I stopped," she said.

After the Redditor's friend got engaged — despite her mother and sister's disapproval — she "hinted" at wanting her to be a bridesmaid but has yet to directly ask. During their conversation, the woman advised the bride to "hear out" those who are against the engagement. Afterward, they "didn't talk much."

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Last week, the bride reached out to the Redditor to ask her why she was upset with her.

"[She] urged me to talk about it so she knew what she did wrong. I replied that I wasn’t mad, but friendships can change over time due to different priorities," she said. "I also admitted I was scared of her reaction if I said I couldn’t be a bridesmaid."

She continued: "She doesn’t want our friendship to end because I’ve taught her so much, but I feel like she hasn’t been there for me during one of the hardest times of my life. I don’t want to be a bridesmaid and honestly, I don’t feel like she’s been a friend for a while."

In the comments section, Reddit users said that it was okay for the poster to decline being a bridesmaid and to take a step back from the friendship because the bride hasn't been a good friend lately. They also worry that the bride is in a "toxic" or "abusive" relationship.

"She treated your grandma's funeral like a party she missed out on," one person commented. "You are not obligated to remain friends with someone so selfish."

"She’s bread crumbing you so you don’t completely disappear, but she’s not a friend to you anymore," another person wrote. "Even more, she's bringing the chaos of her relationship into your friendship and life. She was warned by you. You did your part and can walk away knowing you did the right thing, but you can’t keep [going] on this rollercoaster with her."

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