Ask Anna: 'I go on dates but don't get asked out again – what am I doing wrong?'

Anna Williamson
·4-min read

Got a burning question about relationships, sex, parenting, dating or mental health you feel too embarrassed to ask? Qualified counsellor, life coach and Celebs Go Dating’s resident expert Anna Williamson is here to help.

She’ll be answering your burning questions for Yahoo Style UK – find out how to submit them below.

This week Anna helps a reader navigate the tricky world of first dates.

Q: I go on dates but I don’t get asked out again – am I doing something wrong?

Anna says:

Well, firstly, let’s have a look at the people who you are dating. Are you dating the right people or are you dating people just for the sake of it?

Have you been properly looking into what their interests are?

There are lots of dating apps and websites out there at the moment and they cater for all kinds of preferences when it comes to sex, relationships and dating.

Are you looking for someone for friendship or companionship? Are you looking for a proper relationship and marriage?

It may be that you’re going out on dates – or you’re meeting dates virtually or socially distanced – with people who don’t have the same interests as you

Disgusted woman rejecting a geek boy offering flowers in a blind date in a coffee shop interior
Make sure you're both looking for the same thing (Photo posed by models) (Getty Images)

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So use the time wisely beforehand to really look into those interests and those motivations for why they are on the dating scene.

And, importantly – I always say this – turn that spotlight on to you. You need to know what you want out of this date.

If you do, then you’re more likely to enjoy it and you’re more likely to pick someone who has similar interests and a similar mindset to you.

If you know you’re just looking for companionship or for a fully committed relationship, make sure you’ve communicated that.

This way, you’re not wasting their time and you’re not wasting your own time. Preparation is key.

And you say ‘am I doing something wrong?’ but, really, it’s about doing everything right.

Be prepared with interesting facts about yourself.

Ask yourself: ‘What makes me great? What would I like to communicate to my date? What do I want out of life?

Happy interracial couple flirting talking sitting at cafe table, african man holding hand of smiling caucasian woman having fun drinking coffee together at meeting, biracial lovers on date concept
Go into the date with confidence and self-esteem at a high, and showcase the best version of you (Photo posed by models) (Getty Images)

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‘What are my goals? What are my values? What do I stand for? What are my interests?’

If you’ve armed yourself with all of these wonderful conversation starters, then that date should hopefully go really well - certainly from your perspective.

You’ll have given your all and shown what you can potentially offer them.

Now, if you’re not for them by the end of the date, then, you know what? You’ve done your best.

If they’re not interested, for whatever reason, then that is fair enough.

But you’ve given yourself the best opportunity to showcase your very best self.

Always show up to a date as the authentic ‘best version of you’. Put in the effort and hopefully it will be reciprocated.

And you say you’re never asked out again, but have you done the asking out?

It could be that you’re both unsure and worrying about who should be doing the honours,

If you would like to go on a second date with that person, then ask them!

Side view smiling biracial woman sitting at table in cafe with caucasian man couple talking in cozy coffeeshop drinking tea coffee. Heterosexual friends romantic relationships or speed dating concept
If you're enjoying the date and want to meet again, don't wait for the question - let them know (Getty Images)

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Don’t wait for them to make that move. You make that move, you ask them and if they say yes, fantastic.

If they say no? Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

So get that confidence, get that self-esteem, and remind yourself what makes you great.

Choose the right people to go out on dates – ideally people who are looking for the same thing.

If you can do all this, I reckon you’ve nailed it – and those second dates will come thick and fast.

Watch the video above for Anna’s full response on this issue.

This is not a substitute for medical advice. If you are concerned about your mental health, please consult a doctor. Information about a range of issues is also available on the NHS website.

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Submit your question for Anna

If you would like to submit a question, e-mail it to nicola.oakley@verizonmedia.com with the subject line ‘Ask Anna’. Want to be anonymous? No problem - just let us know in your message.