Ask Anna: 'Sometimes I cry during sex for no reason – is this normal?'

·3-min read

Got a burning question about relationships, sex, parenting, dating or mental health you feel too embarrassed to ask? Qualified counsellor, life coach and Celebs Go Dating’s resident expert Anna Williamson is here to help.

She’ll be answering your burning questions for Yahoo Style UK – find out how to submit them below.

This week Anna tackles the tricky subject of getting emotional during sex.

Dear Anna,

Sometimes after or during sex I cry for no reason. Is this normal?

Please keep me anonymous.


Young Woman Crying In Bed
Sex can trigger confusing emotional responses (Getty Images)

Anna says:

Don’t worry, you are perfectly normal.

It can feel quite confusing to have a response such as crying around an act that should be pleasurable and joyful, but let’s not forget that we can cry for many reasons.

We can cry with happiness, we can cry with sadness and we can cry with anger.

A lot of people also feel a whole range of emotions around sex.

It is, after all, a very intimate act. Indeed, it’s one of the most intimate displays of emotion we can share with another person.

I don’t know your background – and if there are any triggers for you around sex – but I’m going to answer this question by explaining what is generally happening physiologically.

To put it casually, when we have sex our hormones are flying all over the place.

This can result in having these intense experiences of emotions or leave you feeling a bit ‘up and down’ afterwards.

Crying girl on bed.
Anna explains hormones and pent-up tension have a lot to answer for (Getty Images)

Read more: Why you shouldn’t ignore feelings of stress during the coronavirus pandemic

I know myself from when I have periods or when I’ve had babies that it’s natural to feel angry, or passionate or a whole spectrum of emotions – hormones answer for an awful lot.

Crying is also a very well-known mechanism for releasing pent-up tension.

Have you ever been in an argument with somebody where you’ve been very angry or you’re not quite sure how you’re going to react and it’s irritating to you when you suddenly cry?

I know I do this if I have an argument with somebody or feel very frustrated about something. I cry.

So, if you think about it, what’s happening when you have sex is you’re releasing a lot of this inner tension through the act – and when we release tension, one of the ways this can come out is by having a really good cry.

Anna Williamson  - life coach, Celebs Go Dating presenter
Anna Williamson is currently a relationships expert and host on the popular e4 show Celebs Go Dating

Read more: How to avoid a lockdown break-up and make your relationship stronger than ever

If you believe you have any underlying issues or any triggers around sex – anything traumatic that’s happened to you – please do reach out.

Speak to a GP for some extra counselling around the issue or contact someone you trust to talk about how you’re feeling.

But if you’re crying during or after sex and you don’t know why, it’s most likely that you’re releasing an awful lot of tension and that your hormones are just going up, down and haywire during the act.

So, enjoy! Enjoy sex and if you cry… you know what? It’s fine.

Watch the video above for Anna’s full response on this issue.

This is not a substitute for medical advice. If you are concerned about your health, please consult a doctor. Information about a range of issues is also available on the NHS website.

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