The challenges of getting back with an ex, as Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck split

It’s one of the most romantic storylines in the world; falling in love with someone but the timing isn’t right, going your separate ways but finding each other again years later and deciding to commit to one another.

This swoon-worthy story is exactly how Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck’s romance played out over the years. The pair first started dating in 2002 and even got engaged, but broke up two years later. Both Lopez and Affleck went on to marry and divorce other people.

Then, in 2021, it appeared fate brought them together again and the famous ‘Bennifer’ - the combination of their first names fans gave the couple - was back. Lopez and Affleck got engaged in 2022 and married shortly after.

Lopez described their relationship as "a beautiful love story that we got a second chance". In another interview, she added that it was "the most would-never-happen-in-Hollywood ending" to their story.

However, it turns out that their story did not finish with a fairytale ending. Following a series of rumours that their relationship was on the rocks, Lopez filed for divorce from Affleck on 20 August 2024, on the two-year anniversary of their wedding ceremony in Georgia.

What happened between Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck?

While the idea of rekindling an old flame will always remain an extremely romantic notion, it does have its challenges - particularly if the reunion is taking place many years later, when both parties have changed and grown.

Neither Lopez nor Affleck have addressed their split publicly. However, their separation highlights how getting back together with an ex-partner "can bring both risks and rewards", says Emma Hathorn, dating and relationship expert at Seeking.com.

"The familiarity and shared memories provide a strong foundation, but unresolved conflict can undermine confidence in the connection," she tells Yahoo UK.

"While Lopez and Affleck are known for their successful and driven approach to relationships, balancing thriving careers, personal achievements and evolving responsibilities introduced additional stressors.

"These dynamics can strain rekindled relationships, requiring careful adjustment and compromise. Although celebrity couples face the added pressure of public scrutiny, anyone attempting to rekindle a relationship with an ex will likely encounter similar roadblocks."

Hathorn adds that hypergamy - the tendency to seek partners of equal or higher status, is also a critical factor in high-profile relationships such as Lopez and Affleck’s.

The pair’s "substantial individual achievements and public profiles add layers of complexity to their romance", she explains. "While their shared status can foster mutual understanding of professional pressures, it also brings challenges.

"To navigate their relationship, they must manage expectations and find a balance between person and professional lives."

What should you consider before rekindling an old flame?

Nostalgia is a powerful and complex emotion that often influences our decisions - but we should be wary, Hathorn says. "While fond memories of the past can fuel the desire to reconnect, they can also set unrealistic expectations. Idealised recollections may not align with the present, leading to disappointment if reality falls short."

When thinking about rekindling an old flame, especially after many years apart, Dr Lalitaa Suglani advises that it is important to consider where you both are in your lives now.

"People can change a lot over the years, developing different priorities and experiencing new things, meaning someone can be quite different from who they were when you last dated," the relationship expert for eharmony tells Yahoo UK.

She recommends having open conversations about these specific topics:

What has changed?

"This includes your goals, values, and what you want out of a relationship now. If you’re both at different stages in life, it’s important to understand how that might affect your dynamic."

Why did you break up in the first place?

"Have those issues been resolved, or do they still linger? It’s important to be honest with yourselves about whether the problems you had before are likely to resurface. If they are, discuss how you will handle them differently this time around."

How much time has passed?

"Sometimes, the idea of getting back together is tied more to nostalgia rather than an emotional connection between the two of you. Make sure that your desire to rekindle the relationship is based on who you are today, not just on memories of the past."

Dr Suglani adds: "In the end, it’s important to communicate openly and be honest with each other. If you’re both willing to have these tough but necessary conversations, it could be a great opportunity to build something even stronger than before. But if it feels like you’re not on the same page, it might be worth reconsidering."

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