Dating expert gives verdict on Georgia Toffolo and James Watt's 'relationship reviews'
The words "quarterly review" are expected in the workplace, but when they come up in the sanctity of your own home, should you worry? Apparently not, says former Made in Chelsea star Georgia Toffolo.
Toffolo has revealed that she and her fiance, Brewdog founder James Watt, conduct a quarterly review of their relationship four times a year. For the pair, it’s just business.
The couple announced that they got engaged last October, about a year after they met at a party. Toffolo shared a video on TikTok how their quarterly reviews work, adding that "people might think it’s a bit weird but we think it’s really normal".
Every three months, the pair sit down and tell each other what they love about the other person and their relationship, before moving on to trickier subjects that involve feedback and, sometimes, criticism.
Toffolo said: "This is the savage one, we talk about things that we could do better or feedback that we’d like to give.
"I feel like if we don’t nip in the bud these tiny completely irrelevant things like, 'I don’t like your lip balm', they can turn into bigger, major things that actually could affect your relationship," she continued.
"You walk away with having an appreciation of the things your partner values about not only you but what you have together. I highly recommend it as state of the nation for all relationships."
The idea of regular "reviews" in relationships has also gained popularity on TikTok. Some people do them monthly, while others say having a "check-in" on a weekly basis has helped them keep their relationship in good shape.
One user, Karla, explained that she has a "30-minute relationship check-in" with her partner every Sunday. "It’s just a way for us to intentionally reflect and share how things are going for us."
Meanwhile, one couple revealed they sit down for an "annual formal strategy meeting" together to plan their financial goals. Chelsea and Evan Westfall, from West Virginia, said they do this on top of holding quarterly meetings and weekly check-ins to monitor their progress.
They told SWNS that having such meetings has helped them build their US$650k dream home in their 20s and strengthen their relationship.
So, should you consider conducting regular reviews in your relationship?
Can conducting a 'review' of a relationship beneficial?
Annabelle Knight, sex and relationship expert at Lovehoney, tells Yahoo UK that every relationship is different, which means some couples will benefit from "reviewing" their relationship on a regular basis, whereas others might feel it formalises the situation, which they may not be comfortable with.
"A good relationship is built on good communication, and if you are communicating to your partner effectively, you might not feel the need for such scheduled reviews," she says.
"However, if a 'review' of some kind is approached thoughtfully, it can be beneficial to a couple."
She adds that checking in on one another can help both partners stay connected. Having check-ins also give you both a dedicated platform to express feelings and address any smaller issues before they have a chance to grow into bigger problems.
"It gives both partners an opportunity to reflect on how the relationship is progressing from their point of view, giving people a chance to feel seen, heard and valued. It can also create a sense of teamwork, where both sides are actively engaged, and committed, to improving and maintaining the health of the relationship," Knight says.
But be careful that the meeting doesn’t become too structured and starts to feel too much like a business meeting. "Then you run the risk of the relationship feeling transactional rather than emotional," Knight warns.
"A strong relationship thrives on empathy, connection, warmth and even spontaneity - for many couples, but not all - so turning it into something more clinical or rigid might create distance or pressure.
"The key with a 'review' is to approach it together with the right mindset; focusing on communication and understanding one another, resolving conflicts constructively, and setting mutual goals. But then this needs to be done without the formality that might overshadow the personal bond.
"At the end of the day, it’s all about finding the approach that works for your relationship. Aim to strike a balance between the process feeling natural and supportive, rather than forced or business-like."
If you do decide to introduce relationship reviews, Knight advises "keeping things positive, constructive and open, and full of active listening on both sides, whilst also addressing any areas of the relationship that might need attention".
10 questions to ask in a relationship review
How do you feel about our relationship right now?
Are there any moments over the past three months where you have felt especially loved or appreciated?
What could I do more of (or less of) in order to support you better?
Have you felt heard and understood when expressing your thoughts and concerns?
What are your personal goals, and how can we work together to support each other in achieving them?
Are there any unresolved issues or feelings that we need to address?
Is there anything we’ve been neglecting in our relationship that we could work on?
How do you feel about the balance of time we spend together vs apart?
How satisfied are you with our intimacy, both emotional and physical?
What are your hopes or desires for the next few months of our relationship?
Read more about sex and relationships:
Is a cheater ‘always a cheater’ as Love Island's exes Marcel and Gabby couple up? (Yahoo Life UK, 5-min read)
I Help Couples Improve Their Sex Life. Here Are The 4 Things I Wish More Men Knew. (HuffPost, 5-min read)
What do you look for in a partner? Have your say (Yahoo Life UK, 2-min read)
