Is a cheater ‘always a cheater’ as Love Island's exes Marcel and Gabby couple up?
For many people, a partner being unfaithful is one of the worst things that can happen in a relationship. Cheating can ruin trust and drive people apart, with many relationships destroyed due to infidelity.
The topic is being widely discussed on social media after the first episode of Love Island All Stars revealed one of the islanders, Marcel Somerville, admitted that he had cheated on fellow contestant Gabby Allen when the couple, who met on the show, left the villa.
It has been nearly eight years since the Blazin' Squad star first found romance with Gabby Allen in the Love Island villa in 2017 before he cheated on her in the outside world in 2018 while they were on holiday together.
In the years since the split, Somerville had a son Roman, three, with his wife, Rebecca Viera, who are currently going through a divorce after she admitted to sending racy messages behind her husband's back.
In last night's episode Somerville came face to face with Allen and was confronted by his ex about the break up. "We had the argument, you went upstairs… I regret it," he told her. "I regret everything I did and I apologise so much. I didn't want to hurt you. Me doing that was out of character for me and I regretted it immediately."
Gabby said she didn't want anyone to think bad of him, despite what he had done, and wouldn't get in the way of him finding love.
But after the duo were paired together by the public some fans urged her to never to return to someone who had been unfaithful to her.
"I hope they just stay friends," one wrote on Instagram. "He hurt her and personally don't think he's changed."
"Just be friends that ship has sailed," another added.
Is there truth behind 'Once a cheat, always a cheat'?
The phrase ‘once a cheat, always a cheat’ is usually used to warn others about partners who have previously been involved in infidelity. But how accurate is it? The truth is, it's hard to tell, says Annabelle Knight, sex and relationship expert at Lovehoney.
"Some people believe that if someone has cheated in the past, they are more likely to do it again, whereas others believe that people can change, and that cheating is not a sign of their character and who they truly are," she previously told Yahoo UK.
"Someone with a long pattern of infidelity is probably more likely to cheat again compared to someone who has had a one-time slip-up; repetitive behaviour usually shows a much deeper problem - like needing external validation or a fear of commitment - compared to something that caused a momentary lapse in judgement."
Kelley Nele, also a sex and relationship expert, agrees and adds: "Context matters. Someone who cheats during a rough patch in a long-term relationship is completely different from a serial cheater.
"Some people cheat and never do it again. Some people cheat and become desensitised to the act and the guilt it comes with."
Although it can have devastating effects, cheating is common. A YouGov survey, found that one in five British adults admitted to having an affair. Of those, only half stopped after one affair, while a quarter went on to have two affairs, and 20% have had three or more.
While these statistics seem to back-up the notion that a person who has cheated in the past will cheat on their partners again, it remains an individual choice - and every individual is different.
"Ultimately, whether or not someone who has cheated in the past will do it again is up to them," Knight says. "If they are willing to work on their relationship and address the underlying issues by going to therapy, they may be able to go on to have happy, healthy, and committed relationships."
Should I stay or go if I've been cheated on?
For most people, infidelity is a huge deal-breaker. Nele says: "The decision to leave after you’ve been cheated on is a personal one that hinges on your desire to make it work, the context, and the level of contrition. No one is obligated to stay and make it work. If you decide to stay, it’s important to assess the context as well as the 'cheater's' behaviour."
She recommends asking questions like: "Are they remorseful? Are they self-aware? That is, do they know why they cheated? Are they willing to do what it takes to salvage the relationship?"
It may also be very difficult to untangle your life from the other person's, which may lead some people to decide they want to try and make things work. However, that doesn't make it any easier to deal with the cheating, and how the 'cheater' reacts could sway your decision in either direction.
"A huge part of your decision may depend on how your partner reacts - are they genuinely remorseful? Are they committed to doing whatever they can to repair the damage? Have they cut contact with the other party? And are they getting the help they need to overcome deeper issues? If they aren’t taking responsibility for their actions and committing to fixing the relationship, it may be time to walk away, but only you can decide that," Knight says.
Nele adds: "There are definitely cases where people cheat (once), do the work to repair the relationship and the relationship not only survives but is better than ever. It can be worth it to forgive a cheater, but it requires effort, transparency, self-awareness and time."
Read more about relationships:
How to tell if separating is right for you as Divorce Day arrives (Yahoo Life UK, 5-min read)
‘Living apart, together’ brings wellbeing benefits to couples over 60 (Yahoo Life UK, 4-min read)
I’m 2ft smaller than my boyfriend but despite the negativity we make our relationship work (Yahoo Life UK, 4-min read)
