Woman's £40K wedding 'ruined her life' after it left her burnt out
Weddings are one of life’s biggest milestones, but for one British woman the stress of planning her £40,000 big day left her completely burnt out.
Lucinda Rose, 39, said that her wedding to husband, Ian Brown, 43, ‘ruined her life’, and that she was unable to speak about it for three months afterwards.
"The wedding took over my life from the second we booked the venue," Rose, a child psychologist and parenting coach from Frodsham, Cheshire, says.
"We paid this massive deposit so there was a lot of pressure to get it right – down to the specific flowers, catering, decorations and the little details. It was a massive mental and financial load and it just kept snowballing."
Rose was initially thrilled when her then-partner of 16 months, Brown, proposed in January 2023. They quickly booked a venue for September and Rose told Brown she would plan the whole thing.
The newlyweds had originally planned to invite 50 guests and spend just £15,000 on the celebration, but this soon rose to 120 guests and £40,000 spent overall.
"Because it was already so expensive, I decided to try and do a lot myself," Rose says. "But even the tiny details you don't think about, like bagging up confetti, and decanting shots of limoncello into little bottles, it took hours."
However, Rose adds she quickly got carried away in planning an elaborate celebration complete with fireworks, a horse and carriage, a string quartet, and an ice cream van.
"The month before the wedding I was so consumed with doing, making, finding and buying wedding things, that I barely slept and hardly saw Ian," Rose explains.
"I started to feel a sense of dread about it – and on the actual day, I could hardly focus. For months after the wedding, my memory of the day was completely gone. I was in a fog and I felt ashamed that I felt that way."
While everything went perfectly on the day itself, Rose says she couldn’t talk about the day for months after.
"Everything on the day went perfectly but I couldn't even speak about it after – the wedding ruined my life for three months,” she explains. “It's this whole societal thing. As women, we're taught to want the day to be perfect – but at the end of the day, life isn't a Disney movie.
"People talk about the wedding blues but it was literally burnout – a lack of any emotion, just exhaustion. I wouldn't let Ian speak about it and I avoided talking to anyone because I knew they'd ask about it. When I finally discussed it with Ian, I couldn't verbalise why I was so broken, and I felt guilty and ashamed about it."
It was only when Rose shared her feelings and experience online that she found that it wasn’t just her facing post-wedding burnout.
Now she wants to warn other brides-to-be not to let themselves be consumed by the pressure to create the perfect day.
"The scary thing is, at the time I never thought my life would get better – it was only when I started talking about it that it did," she explains.
"At times, I couldn't wait for the wedding to be over – but then when it finally was, I was too burnt out to do anything. It was the emotional side too, thinking 'why don't I feel like others?', and the guilt over the money spent and to still not feel it was amazing.
"As women in particular, we're so conditioned to think our wedding will be the best day of your life. So it's lonely and isolating when you don’t feel the way people expect you to. It made me feel so much better to have others tell me that was what they went through too – more people should be open about it."
Post-wedding burnout could be similar to the post-wedding blues, which is a phenomenon that sees mainly women feel sad after the wedding day has come and gone.
In fact, one study from 2018 found that 12% of women face symptoms similar to clinical depression in the days and weeks following their wedding, while a separate study from 2015 found that half of respondents felt let down or depressed following their wedding.
One expert, Dr Sylvia L. Mikucki-Enyart recently suggested that, to lessen the chances of post-wedding blues, brides-to-be should include their partners in the planning of their wedding.
“Adopting a ‘we’ versus ‘me’ mentality, as I call it, is another step you can take to protect yourself (and your marriage) from the post-wedding blues,” Dr Mikucki-Enyart wrote in Psychology Today.
“Yes, you are getting married, but there is another person involved too, so ditch the ‘It’s my day’ mindset and embrace the ‘It’s our day’ mantra.”
Additional reporting by SWNS.
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