Places you can get help if you are struggling as a new parent

Becoming a parent may be a life-changing experience, but it is definitely not an easy one. As much as we love the newest and cutest additions to our family, it can also be a very overwhelming experience where you may feel completely alone at times.

No matter the number of books you have read, or how many antenatal classes you have attended, nothing will fully be able to prepare you for the moment you meet your mini me and realise that you are now responsible for that tiny human and making sure they grow up well.

Parenting comes with many highs and lows, and your sleep-deprived brain may leave you feeling like you can't cope at times. However, it is important to know help is available to you.

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Ruth Duckworth, parenting coach from Action for Children's Parent Talk service, said: "You’re new parents, it’s a huge thing you’re entering into. You’re still learning. It’s something you’ve never experienced before. We use the phrase so often, but it’s important to know; it’s OK not to be OK. It’s quite normal."

Duckworth advises to seek help when you are feeling overwhelmed, instead of sweeping it under the rug or saying ‘I’ll give it a week and see how I feel then'. She warns that it is important to know the symptoms of parental burnout and what to do when you feel this way.

She explains: "It can be feeling quite distant from your child, feeling quite exhausted, physically and mentally. It can affect sleep. You can feel quite depressed or isolated.

"We really encourage people to just come onto the chat service, whether they’re looking for support or whether they just want somebody to listen. It’s very often easy to think, ‘I just need to sort out the baby’s needs first before my own,’ but I often use the airplane analogy about putting on your oxygen mask before anyone else’s."

But who can you turn to when you are feeling low and in need of support? Here is a list of the many options available to you.

Support available for new parents

Reach out to loved ones

Family and friends are meant to support you through the good and bad times, so if you are struggling they can be a good shoulder to lean on. However, Duckworth also adds that when asking them for help it is important to communicate expectations and set boundaries.

She said: "I spoke to someone recently who’d had twins. Their relatives visited and just held the babies the whole time. The parents didn’t get to hold the children and actually, what they really needed was somebody to help cook and do housework."

It is important to make it clear to your loved ones what you need them for, if that is cooking, cleaning or even just making you a cup of tea and providing some company. But if you don't exactly know what you need, that is okay too.

Find out what's on in your area

Some of us don't have loved ones that live nearby that can pop round when needed, and parental leave can sometimes feel isolating especially when your partner goes back to work. If this happens it is advised that you have a look to see what support may be available in the wider community.

Duckworth said: "Some community or faith groups will do things like a meal rota, which is a fantastic support. There are children centres or hubs. Action for Children has various children centres across the country, and you can access parent or mother and baby groups, where you can make connections and get to know people at the same stage as you, so you don’t feel isolated. But it’s also important that you know there’s no pressure to do that."

Every parent is different and that is okay. You don't need to be filling your days with baby swim clubs or cinema sessions if that is not going to work for you. It is more important to make sure you feel supported instead of adding extra pressure.

Speak to your healthcare providers

"Within the first 10 days, chat to your midwife, depending on how you’re feeling, and then the health visitor or the GP,” says Duckworth. “For feeding support, we signpost the 24 National Breastfeeding Helpline (0300 100 0212)."

One thing to be aware of is the baby blues. This is where someone might feel low, emotional or tearful after giving birth. Duckworth says this is a normal thing but it should not last longer than two weeks after giving birth.

If this feeling goes on longer than two weeks it could be postnatal depression, which is something both parents can experience. It is advised that you make sure you seek support from your health visitor or GP.

Financial support is available

Duckworth says that it doesn't matter how much budgeting you do before a baby is born, there are always hidden costs. You may also feel the pressure to get your baby the best things, but these can all significantly add up. Duckworth recommends looking on second hand sites like Vinted and eBay, visiting 'nearly new' markets, or going to the charity shops.

She added: "Certain children centres will do toy and sling libraries. We’ve also got food banks. There’s Healthy Start vouchers to help with food needs for those eligible – access those vouchers through children’s centres or your GP."

Above all else, you need to remember that you are doing a good job and to be kind to yourself as a new parent. "It’s a very new experience, and there will be changes, you might be feeling different, it’s okay, not to be OK, but also, chat to somebody for help and support, to get that reassurance," reassures Duckworth.

"You will get through it, and you’re doing an amazing job."

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