16 Eye-Rolling Parenting Tips From Non-Parents
Recently, I asked parents of the BuzzFeed Community what parenting advice they've gotten from non-parents. Here are some of their responses, as well as some from Reddit users:
1."My future sister-in-law told me once she was 'shocked' at how much fruit my niece ate. She said she was questioning the food choices. She’s currently pregnant with her first and I’m excited for the day her kid only eats blueberries and cheese for a week straight."
2."This girl and I were really good friends before my family began to grow. She would send me daily texts about what shows my baby should watch, what clothes she should wear, and what foods I should or shouldn’t eat for breastfeeding and milk production. It got to the point where I had to tell her, 'Hey you are my friend...WITHOUT KIDS! Don’t tell me how to parent when you aren’t one and have no experience in the field.' Yeah, I had to cut that friendship short two years after my first was born."
—Anonymous, 33, United States
3."When I complain about how I just can't keep up with house cleaning, my child-free sister-in-law says, 'Just have [6-year-old daughter] put away the toy once she's done with it before moving on to another — she's old enough now. That's what I have her do at my house.' I'm assuming I don't have to explain to a parent how completely oversimplified that is for one million reasons. Totally ignoring constant wardrobe changes, school projects, gifts and holiday crap, random craft stuff, rarely actually playing with a single toy for more than five seconds, etc."
4."My husband and I have a good friend who is separated from his wife, so we have been inviting him over a lot. He is a great guy with strong opinions. I don’t generally have a problem with that. However, he has been more vocal about what he thinks we should and shouldn’t be doing with our 16-year-old regarding a summer job, discipline, etc. Most parents sympathize with your parenting issues but generally don’t butt in because they know how hard it can be. I guess I feel like non-parents just don’t have a clue what it’s like and probably shouldn’t offer suggestions unless asked. I am not sure if I should ignore it or say something like, 'Parenting is harder and more complicated than it looks.'"
5."My son is 14 and has severe autism. When he was two, I was in an online mommy group. Not every kiddo with autism is the same, but sometimes they have similar traits. I would later find out that his 'running away' behavior is considered 'eloping.' When he was two, and I was in a panic to keep him safe, I got him a backpack leash because it was the only thing that kept him from running straight into traffic. A mom in my mommy group made very vocal comments that any parent who uses a leash on their child is lazy and likening their child to a dog. I kept it cordial, but she really died on that hill and kept it going. I left the group, and she friended me on Facebook years later, where I would post sometimes quirky, sometimes frustrating things about navigating life with my child with autism. Silver lining — she eventually reached out and apologized for her comments."
6."A coworker who has no children and takes up to almost five vacations a year told me that I need to vacation more and that I need to get out more. I let her know that when I plan vacations, I like to include my son, so taking numerous vacations through the year with a child in school is not very beneficial. We do go on vacations, but I guess since she has only dogs, she doesn't have a clue. She looked dumbfounded that I didn’t plan a lot of trips within the year."
7."My husband and I were told that we should 'just stop believing' that he has ADHD and that I have C-PTSD. They told us that we should 'just grow up' and stop seeing our counselors, stop taking our medications, and stop asking for accommodations because 'ADHD and other mental illnesses are just made up so people with bad habits can blame something else for their struggles and not take responsibility.' They told us that we'd be bad role models for our kids and that we'd screw up our kids because we are aware of our neurodiversity and are trying to manage it, not deny it. Jokes on them, though, because we're happier than most families!"
—Anonymous, 24, Virginia
8."Not advice, but my sister-in-law once said it was stupid that I was so tired after a new baby because 'babies sleep all the time.' I wanted to punch her."
9."I have a special needs daughter (expressive speech issues), and the number of times I've gotten unsolicited advice from folks on how I should deal is boggling, and, more often than not, it pisses me off."
10."That I should give my six-year-old more freedom and let him play at the park unsupervised. He told me his mother used to let him spend the whole day on his own and come home whenever he felt like it."
11."That I needed to insist my 12-year-old wear a bra. The woman couldn’t come up with a valid reason why I should force my kid into a bra other than she was uncomfortable with girls growing boobs."
—Anonymous, 54, Kentucky
12."'Don't pick your kids up when they ask. They will become lazy and codependent.' What I would give to be able to pick my six-foot, 200-pound 'little boy' up again. Kids are only small for so long."
13."I had gotten a job offer for a position that was three 10-hour days a week. Note, this was for a job that requires a Master's degree. I was concerned by the number of sick days offered (which were even unpaid). I have two pre-school-aged children who get sick frequently from school germs (as is totally typical and expected at that age). I told the potential employer that I was concerned about the low number of sick days. He initially tried to say, 'Well, you’re only working three days a week, you have lots of days off,' to which I responded that I couldn’t pick the days my kids were sick. Then he suggested I get backup care who could watch my kids when they’re sick."
"Wanting clarification, I asked him if he was suggesting I find someone willing to watch sick kids (as opposed to their school and daycare, which of course, does not allow them to come in sick) who is available on short notice (i.e. presumably doesn’t have a day job) who I can use for just the occasional sick day (i.e. not provide this person any regular employment/income). As it turns out yes, that was what he was suggesting. I told him this magical unicorn of a person who was sitting around not working while waiting for me to call and say I needed short notice and short-term babysitting for my SICK children did not exist."
—Anonymous, 33, United States
14."When my daughter was an adult, she was going through it. You can't force them to do anything once they're 18. One of my friends was like, 'Why don't you just talk to her?' As if I had not done that 63,497 times. WTF?"
15."I was checking out with a couple of items at a department store, and my two-year-old was being fussy. The sales associate seemed annoyed that he kept making noises (like he was whining but also fighting sleep in his stroller). She asked, 'What's wrong with him?' I responded, 'Oh, it's his nap time.' He kept saying 'Lego, Lego!' The sales associate snapped at me, 'You know, you shouldn't give him whatever he wants. That's not good parenting.' I just shrugged and awkwardly laughed. Then she continued to say, 'I have turtles and guinea pigs and even I know that I shouldn't give in.' I just nodded and left."
—Anonymous, 34, United States
16.And finally, we'll leave you with this thought: "I judged the hell out of my parent friends before I had kids, but I was smart enough to keep it to myself (or just gossip to my partner)! Everyone's a perfect parent before they have kids."
What other parenting advice have you gotten from non-parents? Let us know in the comments below!
Some submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.
