24 Therapist Bombshells That Might Completely Change Your Outlook On Life Right Now
Whether you're currently in therapy, taking a break from it, or haven't gone yet, hearing advice from therapists can be incredibly helpful and healing.
Here's a collection of tips that patients (from our BuzzFeed Community and Reddit) learned in their own therapy sessions:
1."My therapist said to imagine myself as an orange. Then, consider that not all people like oranges. That doesn't mean that the orange is flawed in any way, not rotten, just that everyone has preferences. That helped ease my insecurities and need for people pleasing dramatically."
2.“Will worrying about it change the outcome? If the answer is yes, go ahead and worry about it. I suddenly realized that I couldn’t think of a situation where the answer to that question was ever yes. Really short-circuited the worry cycle for me."
3."There’s not always a right or wrong decision. Morally, sure, killing is wrong, and honesty is usually right, etc. But when it comes to life’s decisions, all you can do is make the best decision for you with the given information you have at that moment. That changed the way I made decisions because I would be paralyzed by, 'Is this the right thing to do?' There’s no way to know, and if I look back and think, that was the wrong choice, I can’t beat myself up because I made the best choice for me with the info I had at that moment."
4."You are not special. I was going through a period of anxiety at the time, and I felt like I was judged everywhere. Like, I couldn't go to the store, take the bus, or even go for a walk because I felt people were judging my every move. It was scary as hell. I was telling her about this, and how I started avoiding going out, which was a problem because I had to go to college soon. And she looked me straight in the eyes and told me '(Name), I'm telling you this with all the care of the world, but you are not special, there is nothing that would make me think twice if we crossed in the street.' It was harsh, and it was exactly what I needed. This changed my life, I could go to college and be out because of it."
5.“Don’t think of the relationship as over. Think of it as complete. That fundamentally changed how I was processing a tough breakup. So helpful."
6."'You didn't deserve that.' It was so simple, yet something I hadn't heard before."
7."You are not responsible for your parents' emotional wellbeing. They are independent adults who have been on this earth for many more years than you."
8."When you use the words 'I should…', you’re silently finishing the sentence with '…in order to be worthy of love and respect.' 'Should' is a much smaller part of my vocabulary now."
9."My therapist told me to visualize my 5-year-old self and tell her the stuff I say to my present self every day. Only then would I realize how harsh I was being, and how I was stunting my own emotional growth."
10."Your partner should enhance what you like most about yourself. It made dating so much easier! No need to settle for less than that."
11."'Death isn't the only thing you can grieve.' I was explaining that before my grandfather passed, I'd never experienced grief, but she pointed out that just because I hadn't lost someone close to me before, it didn't mean I hadn't had to grieve for other things I'd lost. It's made me allow myself to grieve for those other things and heal from them."
12."In response to downplaying my hardships when compared to the hardships of others: 'It’s not the Suffering Olympics.'"
13."Emotions are not bad, even the unpleasant ones. They all have an appropriate place."
14."Anger is the brain reacting to fear. If you’re feeling anger, take a quick pause to ask what you’re afraid of."
15.“'It’s just a thought. It’s not the truth.' It’s helped me a lot with anxiety and panic attacks."
16."If you literally laid down and let people walk all over you, someone would complain that you're not flat enough."
17."'Why do you make people more comfortable when you are uncomfortable?' It taught me a lot about people pleasing and fawning."
18."'You can become so accustomed to feeling so depressed that you subconsciously sabotage things when they start to feel better. You can unlearn that! The key is to not shame yourself.' Even if I hate my depression, it feels familiar, so when I’m starting to come out of a bad period, it’s as though I get scared I’ll be let down, so I find myself leaning toward self-destructive habits. It’s normal and okay to feel afraid and feel inclined to go back to what feels familiar, but it’s important to allow yourself to feel that and still choose to move forward anyway."
19."Count to five before you respond. This changed my life. Don’t respond with whatever emotion is coursing through you right now. A few seconds make a huge difference. Calm down, think about what transpired, and take time to choose your words."
20."I’m not responsible for other people's feelings, in most circumstances. Their emotions are their own."
21."Not every relationship is supposed to end with marriage. Learn something from each relationship, and quit beating yourself up when it ends. It wasn't a failure, it was an experience."
22."'If you're walking outside in the rain, you're going to get wet.' It really helped. I was worried about not being stable when my dad was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer, and my mom was diagnosed with myasthenia gravis. My sister had also just gotten a Stiff-person syndrome diagnosis. He was telling me it's okay to be messed up when things are messed up. I'll never forget that one."
23."Paraphrasing, but, 'Stop holding yourself to standards that you don't hold others to. Forgive yourself for the things you would forgive others for.' I haven't listened, of course, but it's wisdom nonetheless."
24.And finally, “'Therapy isn’t linear, and just because you can’t see me anymore, doesn’t mean you will lose all of the progress you’ve made with me. You did it, I only supported you. You are strong, and I’m so proud of how far you’ve come.' She made me cry during our last session when she told me she was proud of me."
Did a therapist ever say something to you that changed your perspective on life? Tell me in the comments.
The National Alliance on Mental Illness helpline is 1-800-950-6264 (NAMI) and provides information and referral services; GoodTherapy.org is an association of mental health professionals from more than 25 countries who support efforts to reduce harm in therapy.
Note: Submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.
