Men Are Openly Admitting The One Thing They Wish Women Understood Better About Their Sexual Needs
Sometimes, men want women to know about certain things. So when Reddit user u/No_Taste8493 asked: "Men, what’s one thing you wish women understood better about male sexuality?" close to 10 thousand men shared their thoughts. Here's some of the things they said below.
1."Lack of erection does not equal lack of interest."
"The opposite applies too: an erection does not equal interest or consent."
2."I want to be seduced. Don’t take for granted that I’m always 100% ready to go at the drop of a hat. Sometimes, I wanna be the pillow princess."
"I've told women this, and it blows their mind. So many beautiful women have never once thought about how to seduce a man past dressing cute. They're like, 'Well, I'm here!'"
3."We like our partners to communicate what they like and don’t. Communication is sexy."
"And to add to this, we often aren't just going to 'figure it out' based on subtle things. That doesn't apply to every guy, but personally, little cues and whatnot are not enough; I'm not gonna get it unless you flat-out tell me. I don't be treating the bedroom (or the relationship in general) like it's Downton Abbey."
4."Don’t use sex as a reward system. I want you to want it because you like it, not as a treat or chore or whatever."
"Yes! I've told my wife more than once that 'transactional' sex or offers of sex are a complete turnoff.
Flirting with me while I'm doing something and saying I should come find you once I'm done? That shit is amazing. Telling me if I do task 'X', then we might have sex later makes me feel like you really have no interest in affection."
5."If I'm not constantly messaging you, it's not because I don't care, it's that I feel secure about us and want to save any news for some quality time in person — not a constant, distracting stream of largely meaningless messages."
"In the age of smartphones, there is now an expectation that you should be contactable all day. Before cell phones were this normal, your time to talk to your S.O. was more limited. I don’t see that as a bad thing, and for the same reason you pointed out, it gives us more to talk about when we see each other. I’ve noticed when you’re just meaninglessly chatting all day, it basically becomes, 'What are you up to?' and you’re just updating each other on whatever you’re currently doing. It's so pointless. Just let me concentrate on whatever is in front of me. Men can be very one-track-minded."
6."As someone with severe performance anxiety, if I haven’t had sex in a while, it can be very hard to get it up. It’s not that I’m not turned on, and it’s not that you’re anything less than gorgeous; it’s just that my anxiety is preventing me from getting an erection at this moment, and the more I think about it, the worse it’ll get. Just let me go down on you for a while, and we’ll see if it happens. Lol."
7."Not all men are like a light switch and are ready to get right to the action immediately. Intimacy and foreplay are a core part of the experience."
"Even for those of us who are like light switches (I am), sex feels more wholesome often when you take your time. Foreplay, if it’s mutually creative, is pleasure; why would you not want more of it?"
8."I just wanna be a little spoon once in a while. That shit feels nice."
"My partner and I usually cuddle for a bit, then turn over and sleep back to back when we're ready for actual sleep. Sometimes I wake up, and she's on me like a jetpack, and it just feels so good in my heart."
9."There’s a huge difference between orgasm as a physical release (i.e., one-night stand, masturbating) and an orgasm with someone you are emotionally close to. I can jerk off a bunch of times in between having sex, but I need to have sex with my partner in order to be emotionally and mentally fulfilled."
10."We can have body image problems. You grew up looking at models who starved themselves to look that way. We grew up looking at action heroes with 0% bodyfat, steroid inflated muscles, who are so dehydrated they can smell water. The body standards for us were just as unrealistic and unhealthy, and it’s nice to hear that we don’t have to be that to be attractive."
11."Do not be a people-pleaser in the bedroom. I'd be so hurt to find out I don’t actually know what you like. I am trusting when you give me a 'hell yes, I love that,' you’re being honest. It can result in this really frustrating, shameful outcome of knowing you can’t satisfy her but also don’t even know what you’re doing wrong. I can handle reality if I’m not making you cum. I want to improve, so even if you want to tap out or I’m too tired, I want to continue improving. I want to make you feel good, too."
"This is connective for me. You’d be hurt if I lied to your face, too. It's not even based on fact, just on an assumption that you’d be happier with the lie. Faked orgasms, games, kinks, and faked interests aren’t necessary to a competent partner who sees you as an equal. So, if I find out you’re giving me fake responses, my trust would be hurt. You’d functionally be saying, 'I don’t think you're going to improve even with honest answers, and I just want to be done.'"
12."Blue balls is not a serious condition. Don't let anyone pressure you into sex, especially with that as an excuse."
"Or to continue sex, you no longer consent to. There’s no rule that says you have to finish what you start. Consent is revocable by either party at any time."
13.And finally, "I just want back scratches. You're only allowed to stay near me because of your nails. I'll pay for it. But you need to pay the toll. A little to the left. Down. Down. Left. Riiiiiiight theeeeere."
People who identify as men, tell us the one thing you wish women understood better about male sexuality in the comments below.
