You be the judge: my brother only showers twice a week. Should he wash more often?

The prosecution: Isla

Jake, my 31-year-old little brother, is temporarily living with me in my flat. I love him but I’ve noticed he has a few strange habits. The main thing is his hygiene – or lack of it. I don’t say this to be mean, but Jake showers so infrequently that it shocks me.

I first noticed it a month after he moved in. I realised that the shower seemed barely used so I asked him: “Do you shower every day?” He said no, he showered usually every three to four days. That’s only twice a week.

Growing up, Mum always impressed upon us the importance of being clean and well presented, and we were encouraged to bathe daily. My brother was living on his own before he moved in with me, and has been single for a while. Maybe that’s why he’s dropped the habit. When I asked him why he doesn’t shower more often, he said he “can’t be bothered” as he doesn’t get stinky. That is true. He’s lucky he doesn’t suffer from body odour. He wears deodorant and brushes his teeth twice a day. He also doesn’t get greasy hair or look unpolished. It’s just that now I know he is shower-shy, I can’t unknow it.

I shower every day – I suppose that women are held to higher beauty standards. It’s not really my business to tell him how to care for his body, but I don’t like the idea of Jake living in my flat having not washed for half a week. He’s also a teacher and I get disturbed by the possibility of him bringing germs into my home from the unwashed kids he’s around every day.

I don’t want to seem like a nag – I’m not his girlfriend or his mother – but I want him to get that, as a grown man, he needs to wash more often. I think most people will agree that twice a week isn’t enough. I don’t want to shame Jake, but maybe just a little bit of shame will help him see sense. Our parents live a long way away, and I’m not going to tattle on him as we have a good relationship and the living situation is generally quite peaceful. However, it’s not the Victorian era. I have a lovely bathroom. Jake needs to clean up his act.

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The defence: Jake

I hate to sound like a scruff but I don’t think it’s necessary to have a shower every day. Call me a weirdo but I have better things to do. Especially when I don’t smell.

I take good care of my clothes and put deodorant on every day. I also don’t really sweat much on a day-to-day basis unless I exercise, which I do around twice a week – and I’ll always shower afterwards. It’s just that if I haven’t exercised, or have just got home from work, I usually won’t take a shower.

There just isn’t the time to shower daily. In the evenings I’m too tired, and in the morning I’m rushing out the door to school. If I don’t exercise, I will shower every three to four days. I don’t really see a problem with that. My hair never gets greasy and I guess it all just comes down to not being bothered.

Yes, I am lazy and see showering as a chore. Our mum is very clean so I don’t get it from her, but when my dad was working full-time, he would always complain about showering and said it took up too much of his time. Maybe I inherited his hatred of bathing.

I also think it’s good to let the natural oils of the body sit on your skin. Overwashing is worse as it strips them off – I read that somewhere. I also think your body is largely self-cleaning in a way. Isla should be happy because lower shower frequency helps keep the water bills down – she pays most of the bills as it’s her flat.

I think living on my own for a few years made me less aware of how strange not bathing every day is to some people. I do feel like she has taken this issue and run with it, though. Is my showering really any of her business? Isla worries that I could be bringing germs home from school, but I always make sure to change into pyjamas or casual wear when I get in and wash my hands before cooking.

I don’t get any other complaints from Isla regarding us living together, so it’s not like I’m a dirty person. Showering just feels like a super big chore to me.

The jury of Guardian readers

Who gets taken to the cleaners?

Although I empathise with Isla, she needs to accept she can’t control the actions of those around her. So, as tricky as it is, she needs to learn to let it go. Given Jake is not unhygienic or smelly, it shouldn’t impact her much anyway.
Georgia, 30

Jake needs to shower more often. It’s Isla’s flat too and Jake is making her uncomfortable. Jake’s arguments are nonsense. Everyone has time in the morning or evening to have a shower.
Andrew, 31

Isla’s use of “little brother” and “tattle on him” is telling. She obviously cares for Jake, but she is worrying for no reason. She says Jake doesn’t smell and is well presented, so what’s the problem? Changing your clothes after work and handwashing is sufficient.
Chloe, 33

Jake has no problems with smells or looking unkempt. He’s living there temporarily so Isla won’t have to put up with feeling uncomfortable for long. And why is she assuming the kids at his school are “unwashed”?
Roz, 61

If Isla says Jake doesn’t smell, then he probably doesn’t – a sibling would notice. But using lots of deodorant isn’t ideal; a quick wash on days when he doesn’t shower sounds healthier. I argue he is not guilty because Isla doesn’t have to touch Jake. If he was her partner, he’d be very guilty!
Gwen, 40

Now you be the judge

In our online poll, tell us: should Jake clean up his act?

The poll closes on Thursday 13 February at 10am GMT

Last week’s results

We asked whether Katerina’s daughter, Anya, should stop tipping so much when they eat out.

23% of you said yes – Anya is guilty

77% of you said no – Anya is innocent