I'm in my late 60s, and I'm single with no kids. I have grief about not being a grandma.
Growing up, I never felt that marriage was for me.
I wanted kids, but I worried about what people would think if I was a single mom.
I'm now in my late 60s, and my companion is my fluffy dog, Poppy.
I've had a great life as a travel writer exploring the world. I've been to more places than most people have ever dreamed of visiting.
On my travels, I'd often look at children's clothes and wish I had someone to buy them for. Sometimes I did buy them, but it was always for a friend's child, not mine.
Now in my late 60s, I have very few relatives but have never stopped wishing I could be surrounded by a loving, caring family.
I never got married
Coming from a background in which my parents argued and with an older sister who got married to escape, I never saw marriage as the warm, loving environment that it can be. Besides, with no end of handsome boyfriends, each one providing stimulus of one kind or another, I never felt the need for a family or to get married.
When I did meet "the" person I felt I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, the relationship sadly didn't work out.
As I grew older and my biological clock began ticking, my wish to become a mom became even greater, but I never had the courage to have a child without being in a permanent relationship. I also came from a Jewish background, with parents who wouldn't have approved and were unlikely to support me. I was also very conscious that I wasn't in a sufficiently good financial position to support a child and give them a good education, which I believed was essential.
As time went by, I hoped to meet and form a relationship with someone who had children and anticipated that I could become a part of their family. Sadly, it never happened.
I wish I had a family of my own
Over the years, to fill in for the loss of not having my own, I've looked after friends' children, babysitting and even temporarily moving into their homes so that the parents could go on a trip alone. But when those children went on to have their own families, I was always their parents' friend rather than part of their family.
As I've grown older, I've realized that having a warm, loving family is a wonderful thing. My parents weren't close to their siblings, and I was unused to large family get-togethers. I traveled a lot while my contemporaries got married and had children. Their families spent time together, and it was only natural for them to act as babysitters. As their children got older and married, their families expanded. On occasion, I'd be invited to a family get-together where there would be in-laws and children, but I'd always be the odd one out.
Nowadays, my friends are grandparents, and though they've passed their babysitting days, they're part of a family unit, spending time with their children and grandchildren.
I have cousins with families, but as I'm not part of the immediate family, I may be invited to a one-to-one meal but rarely a family get-together. When I go out with friends who have children and grandchildren, the conversation is often centered on their families, their children, and the latest achievements of their grandchildren. I can't say I don't have a tinge of envy.
My companionship lies elsewhere. While I don't have grandchildren, I do have a white, fluffy dog. Poppy is a reliable friend and very sociable, accompanying me whenever and wherever she can. And thank heavens for other single people like me. On important occasions, I'll celebrate with friends, but as a singleton, I'm unlikely to be with family, except for Poppy.
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