Groomsman Struggles to Tell Friend He Can't Afford the Nearly $4K Needed to Attend a Destination Wedding

• A groomsman is asking Reddit users for advice on how to tell his best friend that he can only afford to attend his upcoming destination wedding if he lets him stay at a less expensive hotel and waives event fees for him and his wife

• The man did the math, and the flight and hotel costs alone would be around $3,800

• Redditors think that it's "unreasonable" and "selfish" for the bride and groom to expect their guests to have to spend so much money to attend their wedding

A man is asking for advice on how to tell his friend he can only afford to attend his destination wedding if he lets him stay at another resort and waives his event fees.

In a post on Reddit's "Wedding" forum, a man explained that he is one of the groomsmen for his best friend's "ridiculously expensive" destination wedding in Costa Rica next July. After doing the math, he realized that there's only one way he and his wife can afford to go.

"The invitations just went out, and the all-inclusive resort (similar to like a Grand Velas) they’ve chosen is $1,200 per night for a couple," he wrote. "With the welcome party on Thursday and the wedding on Saturday, guests are expected to stay at least three nights. Flights from New Jersey, where we live, average about $700 per person round trip."

The groomsman calculated his expenses and was shocked by the "unreasonable" total. He discovered that even with one hotel night covered by the bride and groom, his flight plus hotel charges would total to $3,800. That number doesn't include additional potential costs, such as luggage fees, transportation to and from the airport and the price of his tuxedo.

"On their wedding website, they acknowledge the resort is expensive but emphasize that all food and alcohol are included," the groomsman continued.

But this isn't appealing to him because his wife has celiac disease, so she likely can't eat most of the prepared food, and he doesn't drink alcohol.

"So the 'all-inclusive' aspect doesn’t really apply to us, which makes the cost feel even harder to justify," he explained.

Related: Mother of the Bride Demands 'Complete Control' of Wedding Guest List Since She's Paying: 'Is She Right?'

Even though the man is "honored to have been asked to be a groomsman" and adores the couple, he notes that "the costs add up quickly."

However, staying at a less expensive resort isn't an option for the couple because they'd then be penalized with a hefty "event fee."

"Their wedding website mentions that if guests don’t stay at the resort, they’ll have to pay an event fee — $200 per person per event, which comes to $600 for my wife and me to attend the welcome party, ceremony, and reception," the poster added. "This means that guests who don’t stay at the resort are essentially being asked to cover the food and beverages for the wedding."

The groomsman finds this mandatory fee to be "a little off-putting" because he believes that the bride and groom should cover their own wedding costs.

"I feel a bit resentful that the financial burden of their wedding is being pushed onto the guests," he said. "If they want a destination wedding in Costa Rica, that’s fine, but I don’t think it’s fair to ask guests to shoulder the costs for their food and drinks on top of flights and accommodations."

He continues: "I do appreciate that they skipped having an engagement party, bridal shower and bachelor/bachelorette trips to save us money, but I assumed that was because a destination wedding already involves significant expenses like PTO, flights, and lodging — not because they also wanted us to contribute to the food and beverage costs."

Because he's "genuinely excited to celebrate this big moment with them," the groomsman has decided to attend the wedding. But he refuses to stay at the resort or pay the event fees.

"I also want my friend and his fiancée to have the wedding experience they envision without dampening the mood by bringing up financial concerns," he added.

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The groomsman asked Reddit users: "How can I approach this with my friend in a way that’s honest but still supportive? I want to respect their choices while being clear about my boundaries."

Related: Woman Complains Being a Bridesmaid Is 'Financial Burden' as Weddings Are 'Out of Hand': 'Why Are We Normalizing This?'

Redditors in the comments section said that the cost to attend the wedding was a "crazy amount of money" to impose on guests.

"The whole thing sounds insane and asking guests to stay at a resort that is $1200 PER NIGHT is beyond selfish," one person wrote in part, with another adding, "It does sound like guests will be paying a huge part of their wedding and it's a little sneaky."

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