‘Doctors ‘sugarcoat’ the pain of abortion — I know just how it feels’
‘I feel like I am going to die on this floor’
Six years ago, I wrote those words in a Note on my phone, as my body peeled away from itself in a public bathroom. I had been lying on cold hard tiles for hours, unable to do anything besides wretch, writhe and bleed – and furiously hope that the heinous experience would all be worth it in the end. I lay there, listening to people come in and out of the stalls around me, mothers lifting toddlers up towards the sinks to help them wash their hands. Women gossiping. Oblivious to the curled-up animal in the end cubicle.
Earlier that day, I’d been to an abortion clinic and taken the second pill required to end my unwanted pregnancy. Seeing a ‘positive’ sign flash up on the test a few weeks prior had felt like being diagnosed with a tumour – I knew this was the right choice for me.
As I signed forms, radio chattering in the background, the clinic staff told me to expect ‘I may experience some discomfort’. I was told to take over-the-counter painkillers if I needed. Under an hour later, I was faced with the reality: a pain so far removed from a period I can barely draw a comparison. If a heavy period is akin to the flame on a lit match, my abortion was a house fire that tore through every single part of me.
This issue, of women being entirely unprepared for the physical side effects of an abortion, has been highlighted in a new report by the University of Oxford and the British Pregnancy Advisory Service. Of the 1,500+ women they spoke with (who had a medical abortion like me) around half said the pain was worse than they had anticipated. Over 40% also described it as severe. Some compared it to labour contractions.
After taking the pill in the clinic and letting it dissolve in my mouth (as was the legal requirement at the time – thankfully, you can now order the same medication to the comfort of your home), I swung into Pret next door while waiting for an Uber to take my partner and I home. I ordered a croissant! I was relieved at being able to move on with my life! I was blithely unaware that in just a few minutes' time, I’d have to throw myself out of the taxi in order to be sick in the street and then run to the nearest public bathroom to take refuge.
My boyfriend paced outside, calling the abortion clinic nurse to ask if what I was going through – temperature surging wildly, convulsing in agony as my body fought to expel the contents of my womb – was normal. It was, they assured him. Had I taken ibuprofen as suggested? Yes: it barely touched the sides.
I have never regretted my abortion and I’m incredibly grateful to live in a country where I could freely access that form of healthcare – but having the reality of what I was about to go through be so wildly downplayed to me by medical experts left me shell-shocked.
Undermining women’s pain isn’t unique to having a termination. We have to deal with it consistently throughout our lives, from the glossing over of possible IUD insertion and removal pain to the physical suffering that can accompany a miscarriage. Even childbirth itself has historically been soft-pedalled by some, who merely advise ‘breathing through’ contractions and try steering women away from epidurals. What’s going on? Women don’t need to be infantilised, told to anticipate ‘a little discomfort’ ahead of painful natural or medical procedures. We need — and deserve — the truth.
This new study laying it bare comes off the back of many others, showing just how real and devastating the gender health gap can be. One Danish study, conducted over the span of 21 years, found women take longer to be diagnosed with more than 700 diseases vs men. For cancer, it took women two and a half more years to be diagnosed – and the delay was four and a half years for diabetes. This is all before even scratching the surface of why women are getting into debt while seeking out private gynaecological care, for issues ranging from endometriosis to PCOS, after feeling ignored and frustrated by a broken medical system. Heartbreakingly, this inequality in care deepens still when race is factored in (figures suggest Black women are five times more likely to die in childbirth and during the postpartum period than those who are white).
Perhaps some healthcare professionals worry that honesty around the pain of abortion, childbirth and IUD insertion might put women off making these choices. Which is ironic given how anti-abortion crusaders are still relentlessly pushing to try and make it so that women aren’t able to make decisions about their own bodies at all, often spreading misinformation and propaganda along the way. We’re caught in a bind: even when we are making choices for ourselves, they’re not fully informed in the way they ought to be. Why can’t it simply be true that some choices are painful, but necessary – and that women can handle having the knowledge of that ahead of time?
As those behind this new study said, “Providing accurate, realistic information on pain is not only important for preparing patients for medical abortion, but for supporting informed consent for abortion method choice.” We are adults, so treat us as such.
Would I have my abortion again, knowing the pain that was going to befall me? Absolutely. The alternative — of giving birth to a child I wasn’t ready for — would have been unimaginable. It would have ruined my life. If the clinic had warned me that I might experience cramps so forceful they’d knock me off my feet, I’d have still taken those pills – but at least I wouldn’t have been glued to the floor of a café, worried I might literally be dying.
We cannot keep shying away from talking about women’s pain. We deserve better. We deserve to know all our options – and given that the highest ever number of abortions were recorded in England and Wales last year, now is the perfect the time to be having those conversations. They may cause us ‘mild discomfort’, but it’s better than the alternative. And we can handle it.
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