Dear Richard Madeley: My relatives claim they can’t make my wedding unless I buy their plane tickets
Dear Richard,
We’re getting married in the spring. My future wife’s younger sister is studying in America, and we’ve offered to fly her back for the wedding. The trouble is that I, too, have close relatives in far-flung places who have got wind of this and are (we suspect) trying it on, pleading poverty and warming up their excuses on various family WhatsApp chats.
I would like them to be there and, while they’re not students, they are freelancers earning little money, so they might not be able to make it without support. We are paying for most of the wedding ourselves so dizzying sums of money just seem to get rolled up in the maelstrom. But something’s got to give. My wonderful fiancée is cool either way. Should we pony up for the tickets or should I resign myself to being outnumbered on the big day?
— Mark, via telegraph.co.uk
Dear Mark,
There is absolutely no obligation upon you to ‘pony up’ for multiple air fares for your relatives. You’ve offered to fly your fiancée’s younger sister home for specific, unique reasons. That doesn’t mean you have to do the same for everyone else and frankly they have no right to expect it. If you were rich as Croesus it wouldn’t be an issue, but you’re not – you have a wedding to pay for and a budget to meet. So let’s get that straight from the start.
My next observation is rather more old-fashioned, but here it is anyway (and I’ve said it here before). A wedding day is fundamentally the bride’s day. She comes first, centre and last. It’s what she wants that matters, above everyone else – including the groom. So if your fiancée is content to see the occasion a bit top-heavy with her family, I’d go with that flow. Obviously invite all of your lot, but it really is up to them to make their own way there. They’re not children.
Flying your sister-in-law home is the exception (and a very generous one), not the rule. Resist any attempts to make you feel even a shred of guilt about it. And have a wonderful day!
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