‘I dated a married man after his wife gave her approval but only because I wasn’t prettier than her’
Elizabeth* had been married for 19 years when she decided she wanted something new and exciting. After the divorce, she realised she lacked intimacy and company, but she didn’t want to be tied down to another man. So she decided to try something new - signing up to an extra-marital dating agency.
Fourteen years ago, she signed up to Illicit Encounters, a website that discreetly allows people to meet married individuals who are interested in extramarital meetups, claiming ‘marriages are happier as a result of affairs’. She’s been happily dating married men ever since. The 53 year old explains: "I’ve met some lovely men on the site, men I wouldn’t have normally crossed paths with. They know that I want to keep my independence and that I have no interest in breaking up their marriages, so it works very well for everyone involved."
The travel consultant from the West Midlands explains: "I’ve had three long-term, exclusive relationships on Illicit Encounters, which would have continued but for circumstances beyond my control. But I’ve also had some hilarious experiences.
"One man brought his wife on a date – he was given permission to seek a mistress but she wasn’t allowed to be prettier than his wife. I think his relationship was already dead in the water but she wished - for whatever reason, I neither know nor care - to remain married.
"I met him at a restaurant and I sat down and then she came over after we’d been chatting for a few minutes. Clearly, she’d been watching, unbeknownst to me. I wasn’t best pleased and told him so. He said he was sorry but told me he thought I wouldn’t turn up if I’d known his wife wanted to vet me. He was right; I wouldn’t have.
"He was, he said, permitted to “indulge” with another woman as long as she was not as pretty as her. I don’t know which scale she was using but I sat and thought for a few moments whilst the awkward silence clearly made him uneasy and then, before waiting to be graded, I explained that it simply wasn’t going to end well for any of us, excused myself and wished him well."
It wasn’t the only odd encounter Elizabeth has had. One man arranged to meet her for a drink at 6:30pm but told her to leave by 7pm as the next lady was due at 7:15 and he didn’t want them meeting in the bar. Elizabeth stood him up.
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Another date told Elizabeth he’d have to leave by 9:30 as he lived with his mother and she’d lock the door if he wasn’t back in time. He was 47. And a third man brought his wedding album along because he thought he looked really good in the pictures, telling Elizabeth to ‘please ignore the woman in white.’
Elizabeth adds: "One man brought his seven-year-old daughter as his babysitter had let him down. She asked me if she had to say nothing about meeting me, just like the last time he met a 'pretty lady'. I told her she could probably tell whoever she liked as I probably wouldn’t see her again."
Despite these tales, Elizabeth has had a number of enjoyable relationships after joining the site, and says seeing married men can be very "freeing"
She adds: "People don’t understand the dynamics behind extra-marital affairs. There are complex reasons behind people considering it as an option, but the bottom line is, I absolutely don’t believe that we stay the same people all our lives. We change. Ideally, we should change as a couple, but the world we live in isn’t like it used to be when marriage was seen as sacred.
"It’s a tricky one but ultimately, don’t judge a situation until you’ve been there."
*Name changed to protect identity
