Bride Demands Bridesmaids Cover Bridal Shower Costs After They Already Paid for Destination Bachelorette Trip

A woman on social media is questioning everything about her relationship with her fiancé's older sister after she was asked to pay for not one, but two expensive parties in the lead-up to her wedding.

On Wednesday, Jan. 22, a 23-year-old Reddit user shared a post to the platform's "Am I The A-----" forum to open up about how her soon-to-be sister-in-law asked her to become a bridesmaid for her upcoming October 2025 nuptials — but has been asking quite a lot of all the women in her bridal party.

"The costs for this wedding are piling up quickly," the Redditor writes. "I've already paid $300 for the bridesmaid dress, the required shoes and $1,000 for the destination bachelorette trip."

"Initially, we were told there was no pressure to attend, but her mom later said it was 's-----' that some bridesmaids were considering skipping due to the cost, so I felt pressured to go," she adds, opening up about the circumstances of the bachelorette. "After we booked the trip, the maid of honor informed us that we would also be covering all of the bride’s costs during the trip: food, drinks and anything else. This was never discussed beforehand and added another unexpected expense on top of an already expensive trip."

According to the Redditor, her future mother-in-law is seemingly contributing to the disagreements over finances for these celebrations by encouraging the bridesmaids to pay.

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"[My future MIL] said she Googled it and found that the bridesmaids are responsible for the costs, not her as the mother of the bride," the user writes. "In all the weddings I've been part of, the bridal shower costs were primarily covered by family or a family friend who volunteered to host it at their home. The bridesmaids usually helped with smaller things like games and decorations."

The Reddit user also opened up about wanting to save up her money for her own wedding next year.

"I don’t mind contributing to the bridal shower, but it needs to be within reason," she adds. "With everything else I’ve already paid for, it’s becoming unmanageable — especially since I’m trying to save for my own wedding, which is planned for mid-2026."

"My future SIL is expecting a fully catered bridal shower with elaborate décor, which feels unrealistic for a group of bridesmaids to fund," the post continues. "It also seems like she’s picking things that aren’t even within her budget and assuming others will cover the difference."

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This bridesmaid then posed a question to Reddit to try and help her get some answers: "Am I the a------ for wanting to set boundaries around the bridal shower costs, especially when it feels like, at every turn, an unexpected expense comes up without any discussion?"

"I know weddings are expensive (as I am currently planning one), but how much is too much to ask your bridesmaids to pay? In previous weddings I was a bridesmaid in, I would spend about $1,200 total! In this case, that’s not even covering the bachelorette trip," she writes, noting that her fiancé — the bride's brother — agreed and said he would advocate for her if she wants to speak to his sister about the ballooning costs.

"I do want to make this whole thing special for her, but it's just starting to get very costly and I know the other bridesmaids are feeling the pressure too," she finishes. "We are all young and just starting our careers."

Reddit was quick to agree with the original poster and her fiancé, with many replies stating that paying so much for someone else's wedding was too big of an ask.

"[Not the a------]," one commenter wrote. "It seems like the s----- ones here are those trying to take advantage of the bridesmaids and even moral[ly] blackmailing them just to get things paid."

Related: Bride's Best Friend Is Furious at Her for Taking Over Maid of Honor Planning Duties: ‘Not Fair'

"'Saw it on Google.' Are you kidding me?" they continued. "No one should be forced to do things they can't afford or don't want to spend their money on. No one should be shamed into spending money."

Other users wrote that while it can be common for bridesmaids to chip in once and a while during the wedding planning process, those donations should be reserved for something simple like a dinner — not a whole trip.

"Your SIL and MIL are taking advantage of you," another commenter added. "It's insane to expect bridesmaids to pay for all that."

"I would present a united front with all the bridesmaids and set boundaries," the commenter recommended. "If you don’t set boundaries now with your future in-laws they will continue to act this way."

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