Woman Asks Bride for 'Clear Spreadsheet' of 'Expected Expenses' to Be Her Maid of Honor

As the cost of being a bridesmaid keeps growing, so are one woman's frustrations with the lack of financial planning. Now, she’s wondering whether it’s “normal” not to know the full cost of being in a wedding or if her frustrations are valid — and the internet has thoughts.

The woman — who is the maid of honor (MOH) in her friend’s wedding, which is five months away — shared her concerns about the lack of cost breakdown in a post on Reddit's "Am I the A------" forum on Wednesday, Jan. 22. For context, she began, most of the bridesmaids “are in the broke post-grad mindset.”

“When asking us to be in the wedding party, the bride made it clear she expected bridesmaids to pay for our dresses, alterations, and to be present for the rehearsal and wedding,” the MOH wrote, noting that the bride-to-be said she would pay for either her wedding hair or makeup, but did not extend the offer to the rest of the bridal party.

For her bachelorette party, the bride was “clear” about what she wanted, the MOH said. The bridal party is staying at a beach house in Rhode Island for two days, and the bridesmaids will be splitting the costs, which came out to be $300 per person.

Attempting to flesh out the financial expectations for the two-day trip — for the sake of herself and her fellow bridesmaids — the MOH made a budget of $200 to $250 for groceries, to be split among the party of five, plus an additional estimated $50 to $75 per person for eating and drinking out.

“While expensive, I really do want this weekend to be lots of fun and think that we can keep it on the cheaper side if we’re smart about groceries etc. There was no budget going in so I have been figuring out how to do a more cost efficient but fun event,” the MOH wrote. “The costs are definitely adding up.”

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While she was okay with planning the finances for the bachelorette party, however, the MOH found herself frustrated when she got around to organizing the bridal shower and, once again, “there is again, no budget.”

The guest list for the shower, which the MOH is hosting, is around 30 people. “I have no idea what the budget is for this event,” she said, adding that she is “having difficulty laying out the run of” events, food, decorations and party gifts.

"The other bridesmaids have expressed concern about surmounting costs and I do agree, things are adding up from the initial expectations of paying for the dress and alterations,” she explained. So, she took the girls’ concerns straight to the source.

“I spoke with the bride about this and she said that she thought we would just come up with the most cost effective way to manage these events,” the MOH said. “I countered and said it would be easiest for the bridesmaids to understand the total costs they’re expected to incur for the wedding, including dress, alterations, bridal shower, bachelorette, and any incidentals. I argued (politely) that we need to have an idea of what’s expected of us, and it’s not on us to create/manage the budget for her wedding.”

“We’re happy to contribute and all want this to be fun and successful,” she continued. “[The bride] has said that it’s normal for bridesmaids to pay a lot for weddings but I reminded her that we’re all on the younger side and that’s something to be mindful of.”

Now, the MOH is caught between the bridesmaids and bride, “trying to mitigate any tension” and reduce stress on either side. To do so, she said she “asked for a clear spreadsheet of our expected expenses so I can speak with the bridesmaids and make a plan.”

The MOH finished her Reddit post by asking if she is the “a------” for “arguing” about finances with the bride-to-be. “Is it normal for bridesmaids to not know what’s expected of them?” she concluded. “I don’t know much about weddings or being MOH and want her to have an amazing wedding without breaking the bank for the other ladies.”

In response, several Reddit users expressed shock at the financial expectations placed on brides, specifically in the United States, and most agreed that the MOH is not wrong at all.  “I'm from the US and wedding expenses are getting out of hand,” one person wrote. “It's awful to expect your friends and family to shell out thousands for your wedding."

One user suggested that the MOH issue a "gentle reminder to the bride [that] her wedding is not supposed to financially ruin her friends,” while another proposed that a group conversation is the best solution moving forward.

“I think all of the bridesmaids should sit down together and discuss what you all can and want to do as a group,” they wrote in part. “No one should go broke for someone else’s wedding.”

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