Vaginal Shrinking Creams Are A Thing - Promise To Make You 'Feel Like A Virgin Again'

The key line from the packaging of the "18 Again" cream is this:  You can "feel tight and wanted again!"

As if any woman past the age of 18 would somehow be UN-wanted.

Vaginal shrinking creams are a thing.

They are a ridiculous, depressing, misleading thing, but they are a thing.

Before we talk about the most disagreeable components of the Little Genie Productions product, let's take a look at some cold, hard facts.

Am I Loose?

Many women are made to feel self-conscious about having a so-called "loose" vagina.

The idea that lots of sex or intercourse with a particularly well-endowed man could somehow loosen the canal that runs from your vulva to your cervix is far-fetched.

The walls of the vagina are made of muscle, muscle that is pleated and usually lies compressed against itself.

When required - to fit a tampon, a penis or a baby through - the walls unpleat and swell, typically up to two inches, sometimes wider.

The elasticated walls then return to their usual compressed state.

The likelihood that sex has made these muscles looser is very slim.

But it's not impossible, right?

No, it isn't impossible to weaken the walls of your vagina.

Some women, after childbirth - squeezing out a small human through the vagina - feel that the shape of their vaginal canal changes.

How can I fix this?

IF - and we really must stress the word if, because it would be rare for a woman who hasn't gone through childbirth to have stretched their vagina in any noticeable way - you really think your vaginal walls are not as tight as they once were, there are things you can do about it...and none of them involve creams.

Let's return again to the part about the vaginal canal being made of muscle.

If any other muscle in your body had atrophied, how would you remedy the situation?

You would do physical exercises to re-build and refirm that muscle.

Everyone from Cosmopolitan to the NHS recommends practicing "kegel" (pelvic floor) exercises - the squeezing and unsqueezing of your vaginal muscles - in order to strengthen them.

There are all kinds of surgeries available - such as the vaginoplasty - for those with lots of money - but these are usually only recommended by doctors for women with severe issues, such as vaginal prolapses.

These surgeries are only effective if they go hand-in-hand with pelvic floor strengthening exercises.

Indeed, despite what your plastic surgeon might tell you, doing your kegels regularly could prevent you from feeling the need for surgery altogether.

And the cream?

A cream that purports to alter muscle strength is about as suspicious as it gets.

18 Again claims to use potassium alum - an aluminium sulfate found in many deodourants - to cause skin cells to swell, giving the appearance of tightness.

The results of which could be temporary at best, and potentially harmful in the long term.

In short, medically unsound, don't use it.

Even worse

Just as bad as the spurious chemistry that has gone into this product, is the horrific commercial language that it uses.

Firstly the word "shrink" is troublesome - because that's exactly the opposite of the effect that the cream's chemical function is designed to bring about.

As we've explained above, if it has any effect at all, it will be to make cells inside the vagina swell to a larger size than they previously were.

Far from shrinking, your vagina could become engorged.

Secondly, what's with wanting to be a virgin again?

As if the first time you ever had sex was the best it's ever been?!

The package simpers "Remember your first time? We remember ours..." - clearly they aren't remembering it right.

More likely, the product aims at playing into the ancient sexual stereotype that virginal women are more attractive to men.

Presumably the same powerplay-related, semi-perverted cultural trend that has sexualised the schoolgirl.

We've said it once, we'll say it again - don't be fooled into buying this cream.

DIY Vaginal Health

Contrary popular doctrine, which would have you using a bunch of specially designed manmade (emphasis on the "man") products to keep your lovely labia clean, vaginal health doesn't actually come out of a bottle.

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- Go Commando - the best pair of underwear is no pair of underwear! But if you really must cover your muff, then do so with cotton as it's light and breathable and least likely to cause irritation.

- Do Your Kegels - want mindblowing orgasms? Don't we all?! Do your kegel exercises. And if you need a bit of extra help, check out this HILARE kickstarter campaign to help incentivise those pelvic squeezes.

 [The G-Spot: Does it Exist and Do You Know Where It Is?]

 - Greek Creek - when it comes to maintaining a healthy PH level and nurturing the good bacteria (the ones that keep yeast infections at bay), don't turn to silly female douching products, as these can actually make the situation worse! Greek yogurt is great, just be sure you don't buy the ultra sugary kind. The less additives the better.

- Put Down The Anti-Biotics - people are way, WAY too quick to opt for antibiotics in the case of illness. Often, these are prescribed unnecessarily and for illnesses they can't even treat. Anti-biotics, especially the broad-spectrum kind, can strip your nether regions of all the good bacteria, leaving you way more susceptible to thrush. OUCH!

 [Hold Up: We Need To Talk About Vaginas]

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