We asked 7 married men when they knew their spouse was The One. Some were all in before the first date.
There's been a debate about how long a couple should date before they know they've met The One.
Seven men shared their love stories and had varying experiences.
Some knew immediately when they met their partners, while others figured it out after years.
Every couple has a different meet cute. Some might lock eyes across a room, while others might meet through friends. Nowadays, more and more couples meet online.
That connection turns into a relationship, and there's often a moment when someone realizes they found the person they want to spend their life with.
In September, dating coach Anwar White said in a TikTok video — which had over 4 million views as of Sunday — that men typically know within six months of dating their partner if they want to marry them.
However, therapist Shara Cherepes previously told Business Insider that the excitement of a relationship's initial months can blind people to their partner's flaws, so you need time to determine if someone is the one for you.
Seven married men told BI their real love stories, offering insight into how long it takes people to know they found the one.
Robert Singleton II, 39, met his wife Crystal Singleton, 39, when he was in medical school.
Robert's profession: Anesthesiologist
Crystal's profession: Chief compliance officer
When they met: 2009
When they got married: 2010
How they met: The Singletons were students at Howard University, where Robert was in medical school, and Crystal was in law school. They connected on ChristianMingle.com, speaking online and on the phone before meeting in person. They were engaged six months after they connected through the app.
When he knew: "I honestly knew that she was the woman I wanted to marry when I saw her profile on Christian Mingle," Robert told BI. "I knew right away that she had everything I wanted in a wife. She is a very strong believer. We had the same faith. It was very clear how motivated she was professionally."
"With every conversation we had, it was amazing how similar we were," he added.
What he loves about his relationship: "My wife is somebody I trust more than myself," Robert said. "She has such amazing qualities about her. Both of us encourage each other to be the best versions of ourselves."
His advice for people who haven't found the one yet: "If you're in a relationship, I think that you have to be honest with yourself and decide what you want out of life," he said. "How do you want your future to look with the person you're with? Is this somebody who is going to bring you closer to those goals or further away? And do you feel like this is somebody who you can be with if, for some reason, you fall into financial hardship or you have a health problem?"
Dillon White, 37, and Suzanne White, 35 — better known as DadChats and MomChats on TikTok — crossed paths in college.
Dillon's profession: Attorney, law professor, and screenwriter
Suzanne's profession: Community college professor
When they met: 2009
When they got married: 2013
How they met: Dillon and Suzanne were both involved in competitive speech and debate in college, and Dillon caught Suzanne's eye at a tournament. After a mutual friend connected them, they went on a date in Chicago, where Dillon attended school.
When he knew: Dillon said he realized Suzanne was the one for him on their first date after she tripped and fell while they were on a walk.
"Instead of being upset or embarrassed or anything like that, she was on the ground, and she looked up at me and goes, 'Well, this is me, take it or leave it,'" Dillon said.
"She just has a very similar sense of humor to me, and I hadn't ever met someone that also could kind of keep up with my ridiculous humor," he added.
What he loves about his relationship: "I feel like you hear couples that have been together for a long time talk about how they feel that their relationship is better now than it was," Dillon said. "And I would say 10 years ago, I would have been like, 'That's BS,' and I don't think that anymore."
"Once you start having kids together, there's just a lot more thought and intentionality and responsibility that goes into being together and choosing to be together," he added.
His advice for people who haven't found the one yet: "My advice is the same sort of advice I give when someone's looking for a job, especially a lawyer," Dillon said. "You have to find a place where you can be your whole self in the same way that you have to find a person where you can be your whole self."
An audition brought Eric Williams and Matt Lummus, both 35, together.
Eric Williams' profession: Podcast host, comedian, and performer
Matt Lummus' profession: Social media marketing manager
When they met: 2013
When they got married: 2019
How they met: Williams and Lummus were auditioning for the same musical in New York and ended up standing next to each other in line. After they chatted, Williams was immediately smitten.
"I didn't get a chance to ask him out, but we flirted a little bit, and then he ran out before I could catch his name," Williams said. "I found his name on the audition sign-up sheet because he was right before me, and then I messaged him on Facebook. We went on our first date about a week later."
When Williams knew: "The biggest light-bulb moment I can remember was when I took him to my older brother's wedding," Williams told BI. "This was probably 10 months in, and he did so well with my family and all of the family friends. I realized that he would be able to deal with the chaos of my family."
Williams and Lummus agreed about a year and a half into their relationship that they were committing to each other long-term, but they didn't get engaged until 2018.
"That decision is not something to take lightly. I was really happy that we waited those five years to get engaged," Williams said.
What Williams loves about his relationship: "I joke that I'm the personality spouse and Matt's the adult, and it's sort of true," Williams said. "I bring the willingness to take risks socially and emotionally in ways that maybe he is not comfortable with, but he is able to build us a beautiful life with a beautiful home."
"Even though he is more introverted and I'm more extroverted, we are able to use our skills individually to create a great life as a couple," Williams said.
Williams' advice for people who haven't found the one yet: "Try to lean away from fear and lean into positivity," Williams told BI. "I think you won't be open to finding a partner if you are constantly looking for reasons it's not happening."
"And for people who are in a relationship and unsure, my biggest piece of advice is to let things happen organically because a great therapist once told me that you don't need to decide something when it doesn't feel like the right time to decide," he said.
Ryan Carriger, 31, and Delilah Carriger, 29, found love on a dating app.
Ryan's profession: A student studying child and family development
Delilah's profession: Project manager
When they met: 2020
When they got married: 2024
How they met: The Carrigers met on a dating app, hoping to find a deeper connection after getting out of unfulfilling relationships.
"I have two children and she has one, so we were both single parents trying to not only find love for ourselves but also someone safe and loving for our children," Ryan told BI.
They went on their first date around a week after they matched.
When he knew: "I honestly can say in the first three months of us dating, I knew she was the one," Ryan told BI. He said they were quickly open with each other about their trauma and "ugly parts" of themselves, and that vulnerability helped them bond.
"As time progressed, I knew I didn't want anything else with anybody else," he said. "She made me feel like I've never been in love before until I met her."
What he loves about his relationship: "Whenever we have different perspectives on a situation, we always come together and talk about it," Ryan said. "I love the way we co-parent. We take into consideration our children, even though we're a blended family. She looks at my children as hers. I look at her son as mine."
"We probably say 'I love you' maybe 70 times a day, not even exaggerating," he added.
His advice for people who haven't found the one yet: Ryan said it's important for men to embrace vulnerability if they want a strong relationship.
"I firmly believe that the strongest men are the most vulnerable," he said. "It's the ones who aren't afraid to cry, who aren't afraid to talk about the way you feel."
"Understand that it's not you versus your partner," he added. "It's you and your partner versus the world. And as long as you two are working as a team, there's nothing you can't accomplish."
Maaz Khan and Maria Villa, both 27, are college sweethearts.
Maaz Khan's profession: Cloud financial analyst
Maria Villa's profession: Manager at a dental company
When they met: 2015
When they got married: 2019
How they met: Khan and Villa became friends during their first year of college, and Khan was immediately comfortable around her. By sophomore year, he knew his feelings weren't platonic, but he feared confessing his attraction could hurt their friendship. Luckily, he found out through friends Villa felt the same way.
"We decided to just give it a shot," Khan said.
When Khan knew: "I felt like I knew when I told her that I loved her two months after we started dating," Khan said.
He said there wasn't one moment that showed him Villa was the one, but meeting each other's families felt like a big step for Khan, particularly because they come from different cultural backgrounds. Khan is Indian and Muslim, while Villa is Hispanic and Catholic.
"Going through the challenges together, supporting each other, I think that was big, too," he said. "When things got tough, she never said, 'Oh, I don't want to do this; I'm going to leave you.' She's always like, 'All right, what's the solution? Let's work it out together, and we'll be there for each other.'"
What he loves about his relationship: "I love how we've grown together," Khan said. "We were there for each other. We never quit on each other."
"She was the first person to teach me what 'I love you' actually means," he added.
His advice for people who haven't found the one yet: "In our 20s, we're kind of pushed to be in a relationship or get married, have a house, have a child. But just give yourself time and try to find someone who shares the same values as you and is a genuine person," he said.
Dominique Bouchard, 33, caught the eye of Kolter Bouchard, also 33, on their first day of college.
Kolter's profession: Co-founder and chief executive of Symal Creative Inc. and content creator
Dominique's profession: Co-founder and head of marketing of Symal Creative Inc. and content creator
When they met: 2009
When they got married: 2014
How they met: Kolter and Dominique met in a creative writing class during their first week of college. Kolter said he noticed Dominique immediately.
"I spotted her in class, and I was like, 'My God, I need me a lot of that,'" he said. "Every week, I would try to sit closer to her."
Kolter eventually asked Dominique on a study date in his dorm via Facebook Messenger, during which they shared their first kiss.
"Fifteen years later, we have a four-and-a-half-year-old daughter," he said.
When he knew: "I don't necessarily know if I had designs on a long-term relationship," Kolter said. "I was captivated by her. I'm still captivated by her, and my thought wasn't six months from now. It was six minutes from now. It was six hours from now."
"It was certainly lust at first sight, and I think it was probably love at fourth or fifth sight," he added.
Kolter also said when he realized he wanted to constantly work at being better for Dominique, he knew their connection was something special.
What he loves about his relationship: Kolter said that he is grateful for the way his relationship with Dominique has grown, particularly after they went through life changes like having their daughter, the pandemic, and Kolter being diagnosed with stage 2 Hodgkin lymphoma in the span of a few months. He is in remission now, but cancer changed his perspective on his relationship.
"I think that we are uniquely aware of the gratitude we have for each other and the gratitude that we have for ourselves as a unit," Kolter said.
"My wife is making my life better, and I know that I'm making my wife's life better," he added. "It's an incredible amount of work, but it's work we choose to do."
His advice for people who haven't found the one yet: Kolter said it's important to find someone you're willing to learn to love well through life's changes.
"My wife and I are not the people we were at 18, and if we still were, that would be frightening," Kolter explained. "We've been fortunate as we've grown to grow with each other and to promote growth within each other."
He added that prioritizing individual development even in a relationship is important, too, as no one can be everything for their partner.
Dean Indot, 53, matched with Alexis Indot, 27, on a dating app in the thick of the pandemic.
Dean's profession: Commerical banker
Alexis' profession: Entrepreneur and mortgage banker
When they met: 2020
When they got married: 2023
How they met: Dean said he and Alexis met on a dating app during the pandemic. They chatted online for a month or two before they went on a date, and he immediately felt comfortable around Alexis.
"She was a lot cooler than I thought she was going to be, than I would have expected in general of people you meet on an app," he said.
When he knew: "A year and a half after that, she moved in with me, there was no sense in her renting another place," Dean said.
Dean had been single for a long time before they met, partly because he lives a "nontraditional" lifestyle, flying planes and racing motorcycles. When Alexis came into his life, he felt like he found someone compatible.
"When you live with someone, you really know someone, and I think that's when we really got along well together," he said.
What he loves about his relationship: Dean said he and Alexis balance each other out, as he can be pragmatic and "hotheaded," whereas she is more in touch with her emotions.
"She helps me on the emotional level, and I help her on the non-emotional-level stuff," Dean said. "I'm 50-odd years old, but I act like a 20-year-old or a teenager sometimes."
"She is a lot older than her age, and I think that's one of the key reasons it works," he added. "We meet in the middle perfectly. Most people frown at it, but we completely feel that it's the direct opposite from what the consensus is on large age gaps between a couple."
His advice for people who haven't found the one yet: "You shouldn't be with the person unless you feel like you can't live without them," Dean said. "I found out that when things were difficult, the basis of the relationship of wanting to be together never changed."
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