"Every Single Couple We Know That Did This Split Up": 25 Subtle Signs That A Marriage Won't Last, According To Older Adults Who Learned From Experience
If you've ever looked at a couple you know and thought, "Well, that won't last," this post is for you. Recently, older people on Reddit shared when they absolutely knew that a couple was headed for divorce, and their stories were pretty eye-opening. Here's what they had to say:
1."When one person takes up some sort of endurance athletic sport, I start to get worried. I know multiple couples where one partner took up long-distance running, biking, or triathlons, and divorce followed not terribly long after. I'm guessing that endurance athletics are a way of escaping things at home rather than the cause of marital strife (although meeting fun new people who are excited about the same cool new thing you're excited about probably doesn't help any)."
"But if I see this in a couple I know and am relatively close to, I'll come right out and ask them how their marriage is doing. It can be an awkward question. But I'd rather ask and let them know I'm happy to help out with the kids, encourage them to seek counseling, etc., than not help them try to save their relationship."
2."The ones who constantly post on social media about how wonderful each other are, ‘love you to the moon and back’’ No, I love you more,’ etc. is always a red flag to me. Every single couple we know who posted like this suddenly split up. It was like 'everything's perfect' one day, and one of them has moved out the next day."
3."My social circle is in our forties and fifties. The bigger the wedding, the messier the divorce."
4."Every person I ever knew that got their spouse's name tattooed on them ended up divorced."
5."A lack of respect between the parties. I usually see this in the way they treat each other in conversation. Especially corrosive are digs at each other, sarcastic or straightforward, in front of others. A lack of affection and smiles. Of course, if one person expresses either fear of a spouse or of an affair, that means rocky shores straight ahead."
6."The entire wedding party getting so shitfaced that there are people vomiting at the reception, bridesmaids crying on the bathroom floor, total insanity. The two weddings I’ve been to like this both ended in cheating and divorce."
7."Different views on money. If one is a saver and the other is a spender, the marriage is doomed."
8."As soon as someone starts talking trash about someone behind their back, I figure that the expiration date on that relationship, no matter the nature of it, has expired. It's like an announcement."
9."I know this guy who always talked down to his wife. It was really uncomfortable to be around them because he treated her like she was a child. She only stayed with him about a year."
10."My son and daughter-in-law started taking separate vacations. The divorce was about two years later. For the record, I kept the daughter-in-law; she's a sweetheart."
11."They make rude comments about each other in front of guests, which makes it very awkward to be around. They'll speak nastily about the other partner all the time to friends, family, and coworkers."
12."Well, a big telltale sign for my cousin’s failed marriage was that, right before my speech at the reception, another bridesmaid told me that the entire wedding party had an orgy the night before. That was fun giving a speech after that information. I don’t even think the marriage lasted three months."
13."My cousin married a guy who cheated on her several times while they were dating and engaged. I set the over/under at three years. I took the under, and I won. It lasted two years because she caught him twice, but I know there were more. I just didn’t want to get involved, and I felt that she knew who he was when she picked him."
14."Telltale sign that marriage is kaput: when the couple has an elaborate, showy vow renewal ceremony and celebration. They distract themselves by planning the event. After the last guest leaves and the party’s over, it’s back to reality, and the marriage is still shitty."
15."I know three divorced couples. The biggest clue they all had in common was rushing into a marriage a couple of months after meeting. When asked why the rush, every single one of them applied the same logic: 'She is my soulmate!' Two of those divorces are the same guy; apparently, he found two soulmates."
16."When our kids were in school, there were parents who had everything! They drove big SUVs, and they and their kids always had the latest fashions. Their kids had smartphones, and when their kids turned 16, they got a nice car. Maybe not brand new, but nice! My husband and I would exchange looks as they made their grand entrance into whatever activity our kids were all involved in."
"We knew where they worked and what kind of money their jobs paid. Our kids thought we were the meanest people ever. Because they wore cheap clothes, got a cheap little flip phone when they got their license and had to share a car with mom!
When the kids started heading off to college, they were shocked when their classmates' parents got divorced. It didn't surprise us.
Once the living large through their kids ended and the 'show' was over, Mom and Dad were left with a giant pile of debt!
Spending more than you make doesn't impress people."
17."My wife and I would invite other couples to go canoeing with us. We had a 100% accuracy in predicting marital success based on the level of cooperation and recrimination during the outing."
18."My sister and ex-brother-in-law fought all the time before they married, got in a fight AT their wedding reception and shut it down, then lasted a few years before he cheated and they divorced. If your dating years are tumultuous, it will NOT get any better."
19."I was the best man at my best friend's wedding 30+ years ago. A few weeks before the wedding, he called and asked if he could put money his fiancé didn’t know about in an account under my name. Told me he’d give me money to pay the taxes on it. This was early 1990, and he wanted to hide about $40,000. I told him I wasn’t comfortable doing that, and he was cool with it. I knew at that point the marriage wouldn’t last."
"It took 28 years, but they ended up divorced. Marriage really ended about 10 years before that when they both stopped being intimate with each other, but they waited until their kids were all out of the house before calling it quits."
20."About a year after my friend got married, he told me that he was in therapy to work on their issues. He was in therapy. Just him. They made it about five years longer than I thought they would, but yeah, they're divorced now."
21."When the groom toasted the bride at the reception and said he initially didn't like her because she 'never shut up,' but she was 'learning to put a sock in it now,' then turned and 'jokingly' pretended to backhand her. To the guests' credit, nobody laughed; instead, there was awkward silence. They divorced eight weeks later."
22."My brother married an only child who is very close to her parents. Her parents were at their house all the time. He didn’t just marry the girl. He married the girl and her parents. As a couple, and later with kids, they never had the chance to form and grow as their own family unit because the controlling grandparents were always involved. The marriage lasted 25 years and failed as soon as the kids were grown. I knew it would fail about two years after they got married. The marriage was too crowded."
23."My BFF got married to someone I dated before her (we were in our early 20s). I didn’t care they dated; we broke up amicably, but I begged her not to marry him because he was an alcoholic who was 10 years older than us, previously married, with two kids. I was a bridesmaid at their wedding because I loved her, but I knew it wouldn’t last. Thank god it didn’t last."
24."My sister kept talking up her favorite male co-workers to the point of annoyance. It was obvious she was in the market for another man, and sure enough, she dumped her husband. I liked him better than the new guy."
25.And finally, "Right after the wedding, she moved in, and he would not give her the password for the thermostat."
Is there something subtle you've seen that made you think a couple wouldn't last? Or have you ever been totally wrong about a couple's staying power? Tell us what you think in the comments!
