Adult Daughter ‘Really Hurt’ After Not Being Invited to Her 81-Year-Old Mother’s Wedding to Keep Costs Low

An adult daughter has admitted she’s devastated that she's not invited to her 81-year-old mother’s upcoming nuptials.

On Monday, Feb. 3, she penned a lengthy post on the U.K.-based parenting website Mumsnet, complaining about the situation under the username Candlemascandy. She explained that her elderly mother is marrying her partner in April to make sorting out the sale of their shared home easier after “the inevitable happens.”

The pair initially planned to have a small registry office wedding with both of their children and their children’s partners and kids invited. However, a year later they changed their mind to reduce the cost of the occasion.

“Me and my sister and our spouses and kids are not invited,” the adult daughter wrote on Mumsnet. “They are going for a meal afterward. Also not invited to that as they have picked a pub where under 14s aren’t allowed.”

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She revealed that the decision to only have her mom’s partner’s daughter and husband as witnesses would keep the wedding costs to around $100.

The adult daughter said her mom was set to tie the knot in January but it was postponed after she got pneumonia.

When her mom was unwell she “dropped everything” to travel about 200 miles to her, while her partner’s daughter lives close by but didn’t help because her husband was “poorly.”

The adult daughter said it was a stressful time as she was also looking after her three children. Having now not been invited to the rescheduled April wedding, she confessed to feeling “really hurt.”

“I feel like at a fundamental level my mom is telling us that we are not important to her,” she wrote on Mumsnet. “Others I speak to keep saying ‘Oh look on the bright side. You won’t need to pay for petrol, outfits, hotels, wedding gifts, etc etc’ but I don’t see it like that."

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“It’s a big life event and it’s one to celebrate,” she continued. “Not to be morbid, but it’s unlikely that we will be having another big family event like this with them both there.

“I feel like when the Saturday of the wedding comes, and we are not there people will say ‘Why aren’t you going to your Mom’s wedding?’ And the horrible answer is ‘we weren’t invited because we cost too much,’ ” she added.

"AIBU [am I being unreasonable] to think that it’s normal to invite your daughters to your wedding when you can afford it and there is no other reason not to (like a big falling out)?” she asked.

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Responses to the post were divided as several commenters argued the adult daughter is making the wedding more sentimental than her mom views it.

“She doesn't want a wedding, she wants to get married for legal purposes if that's what she and her partner want, they have every right to it,” one person commented. “It’s not about you so respect their wishes.”

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“They’ve been together 30 years! They’re not having a wedding; they’re getting married. It’s very different,” another chimed in. “And why wouldn’t an elderly woman’s daughters care for her in ill health, ahead of that woman’s partner’s daughter?”

However, others empathized with the daughter and said the mom was wrong to snub her.

“I’d be hurt if I were you as well,” one person said. “If they got married in a ceremony where they pulled witnesses off the street and there were no guests or family witnesses then that wouldn’t bother me because they’re just covering the legalities but inviting the groom’s daughter and partner to the ceremony and celebratory meal afterward and not the bride’s children is exclusionary.”

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