19 People Who Escaped Bad Relationships Share The First Red Flag They Ignored
Recently, Reddit user u/PestCemetary asked, "People that escaped a bad relationship, what's the first red flag you ignored that would have saved you a lot of time if handled?" Here are some of the most top-voted responses:
1."She never was wrong, nor did she apologize. She would say that I was yelling (when I wasn’t). She would say I had said hurtful things and that I 'don’t even realize what I’m saying.' I ended up seeing a psychiatrist at her suggestion and was put on medication for 7 years (still together with her). I was then hospitalized on psychiatric hold when I mentioned to my psychiatrist that I felt like ending it all because clearly, I was hurting someone I loved emotionally and never realized it. When I got out, someone mentioned I was being gaslit."
2."Negative negative negative. There was not one positive comment when he came home most days. It was everyone else’s fault but him."
3."Eventually I realized how excited I was for the days when he was at work, and I was at home. It only happened a few times a week. But I should have realized the change in my energy and mood the moment I heard the car pull up."
4."Narcissists prayer anyone? 'That didn’t happen. And if it did, it wasn’t that bad. And if it was, that’s not a big deal. And if it is, that’s not my fault. And if it was, I didn’t mean it. And if I did, you deserved it.'"
5."He was an influencer and posted a video montage of our camping trip that didn't show any evidence that I was there, it looked like he'd gone camping alone. I had planned the whole thing, driven the whole time, and prepared all the food."
6."Disrespect and they weren't willing to discuss issues openly or listen to my feelings."
7."Sentences starting with 'I let you.' Fucking run if you ever hear that."
8."I was making changes to myself to suit my partner's wants and moods without any regard to whether they were positively or negatively impacting my life."
9."Critiquing my proudest achievements or appearance. Then, instantly love-bombing me the day afterward. The contrast you get from feeling so low to feeling so high feels INCREDIBLE, and that's what makes this type of situation dangerous. Hopefully, this might either serve as a warning to those in the dating scene or a call to action to leave such a relationship if there are no signs of hope."
10."My ex would get mad at me but I couldn't figure out what I did. When I would ask what I did to make him upset, he would go, 'You know what you did.' I'd end up apologizing but never knew what I did."
11."His love of throwing furniture when he was mad."
12."The first red flag was on our fourth date. We met up with some friends of mine and had a few drinks while we chatted. I didn’t live more than a mile and change away, and on the walk home, he completely tore into me verbally about what gross 'sluts' my friend and I both were for being sexually active before either of us was 18. He berated me until we got back to my place and I, a young twenty-something, had enough and burst into tears. Once I was in tears, it was like a switch flipped, and he instantly comforted me, as if he wasn’t the reason I was so upset. It was the start of many years of emotional abuse and I wish I had ended things between us that night and saved so much psychological turmoil."
13."She was always angry with me about something. It was so consistent that I realized it had nothing to do with me. She just needed someone to be the target of her anger, and I wasn't interested in being that someone. We were young. Hope she's doing better now."
14."How they talk about the people in their life. Avoid people who blame others for their lives. If you don't, you're going to be the next one on the receiving end of that blame."
15."She started flirting with me when she was still in a relationship."
16."I wasn't 'mature for my age.' He was just a predator."
17."Telling me he loved me within two weeks of meeting me. Full love-bombing. He turned out to be a massive manipulator, who put me through hell. The 2.5 years I spent with him (1.5 of those wanting to leave) are the only ones I've ever regretted."
18."He got mad over something trivial because he was overwhelmed, and he punched the wall."
19."My mom always said, if someone treats everyone else one way, and you another way, eventually, they'll treat you that way too. Wish I listened to that advice earlier myself (I did not)."
Was there a red flag that led you to breakup with your ex? Let us know in the comments below.
If you or someone you know is in immediate danger as a result of domestic violence, call 911. For anonymous, confidential help, you can call the 24/7 National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE) or chat with an advocate via the website.
The National Alliance on Mental Illness helpline is 1-800-950-6264 (NAMI) and provides information and referral services; GoodTherapy.org is an association of mental health professionals from more than 25 countries who support efforts to reduce harm in therapy.
Some submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.
