The 15 questions that can predict whether your relationship will last

Anya Meyerowitz
·3-min read
Photo credit: Klaus Vedfelt - Getty Images
Photo credit: Klaus Vedfelt - Getty Images

From Red Online

After a tough year and extra strain on our relationships, many of us might find us asking the question: 'will this really work?'.

It can be really hard to tell whether the person you're with really is the one, or whether it's likely to be a long-lasting union and sometimes — even after years together — we can encounter doubt about whether our relationship would last. Of course there is no definitive way of knowing whether a couple will stay together forever, a psychology professor believes he has found a way to tell whether your relationship is likely to stand the test of time.

Gary Lewandowski, a relationship scientist, professor of psychology at Monmouth University, and creator of Science Of Relationships, has come up with a list of 15 questions for deciphering whether your romantic relationship is really right for you.

He told to The Independent he decided to create a list because the number one question he gets is: 'How do I know if I’m in the right relationship?'

'It is probably the question people have the most but are least equipped to answer themselves. When they try to determine, they don’t always know the right questions to ask and focus on the wrong thing.'

He explains to that answering yes to these questions, which are based on a combination of science-backed data and intuition, is a clear marker that your romance is worth keeping.

The 15 questions that will tell you if you're relationship is worth staying in

  1. Does your partner make you a better person, and do you do the same for them?

  2. Are you and your partner both comfortable with sharing feelings, relying on each other, being close, and able to avoid worrying about the other person leaving?

  3. Do you and your partner accept each other for who you are, without trying to change each other?

  4. When disagreements arise, do you and your partner communicate respectfully and without contempt or negativity?

  5. Do you and your partner share decision-making, power and influence in the relationship?

  6. Is your partner your best friend, and are you theirs?

  7. Do you and your partner think more in terms of 'we' and 'us,' rather than 'you' and 'I'?

  8. Would you and your partner trust each other with the passwords to social media and bank accounts?

  9. Do you and your partner have good opinions of each other – without having an overinflated positive view?

  10. Do your close friends, as well as your partner’s, think you have a great relationship that will stand the test of time?

  11. Is your relationship free of red flags like cheating, jealousy and controlling behaviour?

  12. Do you and your partner share the same values when it comes to politics, religion, the importance of marriage, the desire to have kids (or not) and how to parent?

  13. Are you and your partner willing to sacrifice your own needs, desires and goals for each other (without being a doormat)?

  14. Do you and your partner both have agreeable and emotionally stable personalities?

  15. Are you and your partner sexually compatible?

If you answer 'no,' then apparently it's unlikely your relationship will stand the test of time. Lewandowski warns, 'just because you can find good doesn’t mean it is a good relationship.'

However the professor doesn't believe this is a bad thing. He told The Independent: 'Learning good stuff about relationships is no threat to good relationships' and 'If you're in a mediocre to bad relationship, getting out frees you up to get in a great one.'

It is worth remembering though, that every relationship is different, and breaking up needn't be the first port of call. Relate offers counselling for every type of relationship and provide advice on all aspects of marriage, divorce, break-ups etc.

Subscribe to Red now to get the magazine delivered to your door.

Like this article? Sign up to our newsletter to get more articles like this delivered straight to your inbox.


You Might Also Like