14 WORST Etiquette Mistakes You're Making Every Day
You always say "please" and "thank you." You hold the door open for people behind you. You even know which fork to use at dinner! Your etiquette must be pretty good, right? Well, yes and no. We’re sorry to break the bad news: There are a lot of etiquette mistakes you’re probably still making. Some of these blunders are popular misconceptions, while others are bad habits we don’t think about. They all have the same thing in common, though: They can be accidentally rude.
We consulted Diane Gottsman, a national etiquette expert, author and speaker, to uncover the most common etiquette mistakes we don’t realize we’re making, and let us tell you, we were very surprised by some of them.
According to Gottsman, the aim of etiquette isn’t to be uptight or stuffy. "It's always about making other people feel comfortable to be around you," she explains. Good etiquette helps social situations go smoothly because everybody feels seen and respected. It can also give us a script for situations that we may not know how to handle on our own, like following wedding etiquette or sending a condolence message. That’s why it’s so important to always practice good etiquette — and to know if you’ve been accidentally doing it wrong.
Using Sir and Ma’am
Many people were raised to respectfully address others as sir and ma’am. Although this was polite to do as children addressing adults, it’s not the best etiquette once we leave childhood, because it can carry connotations of submissiveness or older age.
"As we age, it's much more appropriate to use someone's name," Gottsman explains. If a first-name basis feels too informal, you can address people with their title and last name to show respect.
Clinking Glasses
This is a surprising one! After a toast, you shouldn’t clink glasses. This is because your dinner host may be serving you in their best glassware. You don’t want to spill your drink on their nice linens from thrusting your cup around, and you certainly don’t want to chip or shatter your host’s fine glasses.
If somebody tries to clink with you, you should of course graciously oblige rather than correct or ignore them. But the preferred response to a toast is raising your glass and nodding to your fellow guests, no clinking required.
Posting Pictures Online Without Permission
You absolutely love this picture of you at a party, but next to you, your friend was captured mid-bite. Should you go ahead and post the picture anyway? No, says Gottsman. Your friend will certainly not appreciate having an unflattering picture of them posted online, no matter how good you look. And for children’s safety, pictures of kids should never be posted online without permission from the parents.
RELATED: The Problem With Grandparents Posting Photos of Their Grandkids Online
Asking for Separate Checks at the End of the Meal
When you go out with friends, you don’t always want to put the entire bill on one card. It’s totally acceptable to ask for your orders to be on separate checks, as long as you ask before you order. Waiting until the bill arrives and then asking the waiter to change it to separate checks is a hassle for the staff.
Asking for Your Own Leftovers
Just like you wouldn’t ask for a gift back, it’s bad etiquette to try to take your food back home. Tell the host to enjoy the leftovers and that you can return for your serving ware at another time. However, if the host gives you your leftovers back or insists you take some home, it’s okay to graciously accept their offer.
RELATED: Want to Regift Something? Etiquette Experts Say to Follow These Rules
Putting Your Pinky Up
This isn’t actually good manners, even though many think of it as being fancy! Gottsman calls it “affected,” explaining it looks like you are trying too hard to call attention to your own supposed good manners. The best etiquette is to hold the cup properly and not to call extra attention to yourself.
Starting to Eat Before the Host
A dinner party isn’t a drive through. Don’t tuck in as soon as you get your food! Wait until everybody has been served, and your host takes their first bite, no matter how mouthwatering the food smells.
Asking if You Can Bring a Plus One
You get an invitation to a wedding, but it only has your name on it. This is a clear sign that you do not have a plus one for this event.
Even if you have a friend or significant other you'd like to bring, you should respect the host’s invitation. They may be keeping the guest list small, or only inviting significant others who are married or engaged. Asking to bring an extra plus one can put the host in an awkward position if they aren’t able to accommodate extra guests.
RELATED: Wedding Etiquette Rules You Should Always Follow
Staying Seated for an Introduction
Always stand up when you are introduced to somebody. It’s a way to show respect both to them and to yourself. “Always greet with your feet,” says Gottsman, who emphasizes that a greeting is not only about words, but also about body language.
Although it’s tempting to stay seated, making the small effort will go a long way to making a good first impression.
Posting on Social Media Before the Newlyweds
Trust us, people getting married don’t want you livestreaming their wedding on your social media. If the couple has a designated hashtag for posting pictures on social media, you can feel free to post to it as you’ve been invited to. But in other cases, let the newlyweds share their special moment first, then follow up with your party pics.
RELATED: The Absolute Rudest Things You Can Do at a Wedding
Making Too Much Eye Contact
It’s an etiquette mistake to avoid eye contact with people you are talking to. But it’s also a mistake to make too much eye contact, as well. Because eye contact can be intense and even a little intimate, too much of it sends too strong of a message. Aim for a few seconds of eye contact at a time. Gottsman advises that you can also look between people's eyebrows, which will show you are looking at them without making direct eye contact.
Tipping 15%
It suddenly seems like tipping is everywhere. Although you shouldn’t feel pressured to tip every time you make a transaction, it is important to understand tipping etiquette. The standard tip used to be 15%, but with “tipflation” 20% is now the expected standard.
Skipping a Thank You Note
This one is a pretty well-known etiquette faux pas, but it’s worth repeating. Whether somebody gives you a thoughtful gift or spends their time helping you, you should always properly thank them. A handwritten “Thank You” note is an easy and classy way to show your appreciation, while forgoing a thank you can leave the giver feeling unappreciated, or even wondering if you received the gift at all.
RELATED: Heartfelt "Thank You" Messages
Oversharing on Social Media
The popularity of social media has made it a bit too easy to overshare online. It’s harder to “read the room” when you’re posting for people whose reactions you can’t see. From political rants to TMI stories, keep it off your social media and both you and your followers will be happier for it.
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