Women Are Sharing Gut-Wrenching Stories About The Most Inconsiderate And Unkind Things Their Boyfriends And Husbands Have Done, And My Heart Is Shattering
We asked women of the BuzzFeed Community to tell us about the most inconsiderate things their boyfriends or husbands have ever done. Their responses were truly heartbreaking. Here's what they shared:
Warning: Some stories in this post discuss animal neglect, injury and illness, upsetting relationship dynamics, and other sensitive subjects.
1."I was in the ER waiting for test results to come back, which would determine if I would be transferred to another hospital or allowed to go home on bed rest. My ex left to meet friends at a bar for a preseason football game."
—Anonymous
2."Our son was maybe three months old and not sleeping through the night. Instead, he would cluster feed and be up for hours. Because my husband was working, I stayed up to bottle feed and got little to no sleep. In addition to no sleep, there would be a sink full of baby bottles that needed washing in the morning. Between the bottles and frequent diaper changes, I had literally washed my hands so much they were cracked and bleeding. When I asked my ex to help with the dirty bottles, he bought me rubber gloves instead and said that would do the trick. I stayed longer than I should have, but we are no longer married."
—Anonymous
3."Not me, but a friend who shares multiple pets with her partner. She went away to visit family for a few days and left the pets in her partner's previously capable hands. When she returned, she immediately saw her favorite cat, whom she had raised from the time he was a bottle-fed kitten, was very sick. Her partner claimed it must have just happened that day because he hadn't previously noticed that the cat was unwell. She took him to the emergency vet that night, and he was so sick with pneumonia that he passed before morning. My friend is still with her partner."
—Anonymous
4."I entered the hospital the evening before my surgery. I was terrified (at 27 years old) because what was supposed to be an exploratory surgery could possibly turn into a hysterectomy, which it did due to my severe endometriosis. My ex-husband was supposed to come and see me but went drinking with his friends after work instead. Visiting hours end at 8 p.m. at most hospitals, so at 8, they told me I had to take a sleeping pill so I'd get a good night's sleep before surgery. At 9:30, I felt someone pushing my shoulder, asking if I was asleep. No wonder he's my ex."
—Anonymous
5."I had a heart transplant. My husband sent out a text saying I was having difficulty. I wasn't. My brother sent a follow-up text saying that the heart and I were doing as well as expected. My husband got mad that someone corrected him. He didn't speak to me or come to the hospital for almost a month."
—Anonymous
6."My ex-partner was in multiple car accidents in a short period. He was at fault for all of them. After the first one, I offered to drive him to and from work until his injured ankle healed. I gladly got up at 4 a.m. every weekday to commute two hours roundtrip, then repeated it during the evening rush hour to get him back home. In between, I had to squeeze in my entire day. Eventually, deprived of sleep, I asked him when the doctor said he would be cleared to drive. He replied, 'Oh, that follow-up was MONTHS ago; I just thought you liked driving me to work.' His insurance paid for his totaled car, and he 'didn't want to finance another car yet.' He never once offered to pay for the excess gas/mileage, but worse, he said I was being selfish when I refused to drive him any longer. Little did I know that was just the tip of the narcissistic iceberg."
—Anonymous
7."When my only sibling died unexpectedly, I dealt with everything, from having his body moved to planning his funeral to even picking out his burial clothes. I decided he would be cremated and chose a casket for the viewing. My parents did not do anything besides sign a piece of paper. My husband decided that instead of helping me through the worst time in my life, he would deal with his own grief. Yes, they had known each other for years and loved each other, but this was my only sibling, and he knew how close we were. I had to stuff my grief away to plan and deal with everything. Anytime I tried to grieve for the next year, he would break down and need to be comforted. He has a large family — his parents, four siblings, and countless aunts, uncles, and cousins — who're all still alive. Still, he was unable to help and support me while I grieved for my only brother, who passed away when I was 30 and he was 34."
"Maybe I'm the a-hole here, but the fact that he basically didn't allow me to grieve for over a year because of how hard it was on him is something I still carry with me. I would never begrudge him in his grief. He loved my brother, and it was hard for him, I get that, but what about me? He stayed off to the side at the wake and funeral. Other friends and family stepped up to help me. We are still together, but it caused major issues in our relationship for years until we started to repair it. It was the worst time of my life."
—Anonymous
8."After my first baby was born within a week of Christmas, my husband invited his brother's family over for the holiday and a family feast. Mind you, he never so much as picked the baby up because 'childcare and housework were women's work.' After the birth of our son, he told me to find my own way home from the hospital (40 miles) because he was going to work. Many other instances showed a total lack of respect. I left him knowing I had been a single parent all along."
—Anonymous
9."Many years ago, my now ex-husband worked second shift and was done at 11:30 p.m. On the way home, he ran out of gas on the freeway. He called me and asked me to get the gas can he had left in our yard, fill it up with gas, and drop it off to him. It was the dead of winter, and our yard was dark and blanketed with snow. After digging around to find it, going to the gas station and getting the gas, driving to the freeway, and dropping it off, I headed home. I waited at home for about 20 minutes, and he still hadn't arrived, so I imagined something had happened to him. I then headed out and tried to drive the route he went and surveyed nearby roads. There was no sign of him, so I returned home very worried. Upon entering the house, I found him eating a pizza he picked up with no concern at all about where I was. He never even considered how I wasn't home when I should have been waiting for him. This was only one of many times I felt like a doormat."
—Anonymous
10."When I was pregnant with my first child, I started to panic about the actual birth. I hate doctors and hospitals and will avoid them as long as possible. So, going to the hospital to give birth seemed like my worst nightmare. When I tried to talk to my then-husband about this fear, he told me I was being ridiculous. He said every woman who has ever had a baby did it the same way, and my experience was nothing different. Then he added, 'How do you think *I* feel?! I have to WATCH.' The next morning, I asked my mom to come into the delivery room with me so he didn't have to."
—Anonymous
11."I was officially divorced and gave up my job, family, and friends to move in with a guy with two young children. His wife had left them a year or so previously, and his divorce was pending. He said he was going out with the lads the day I moved in, and it was great because I could babysit. This wasn't the first time something like this had happened, but I stayed because the kids liked me, and I felt responsible for them. Things did not improve over the next six years. His mates and nights out still took priority over his kids. I told him we had to talk one weekend, and their mom had them, and he agreed. I prepared a lovely meal, and after the washing up was done, we sat down to talk. He got his coat and informed me he was going out with the lads and not to wait up. I stayed for another year, then finally accepted he would never change and left. His first concern (and that of his now ex-wife and family) was who would look after the kids."
—Anonymous
12."When my children were young, they were going to spend a weekend with their dad, my ex-husband. I asked him not to give them dairy because they had been fighting off colds. So, during their visit, he took them to an ice cream shop and ate ice cream in front of them, but he didn't get them anything. They were probably 7 and 8 years old. They are now in their 30s and still remember that visit with anger and disbelief. As adults, they rarely see him."
—Anonymous
13."I had a mastectomy and was steeling myself up to show my husband. His only comment? 'It would have looked better if you'd had them both off.'"
—Anonymous
14."When my husband proposed, he had been out of state the previous year while going to school for a specialized medical field. Money was tight because he hadn't been working, so we got simple gold bands and no engagement ring. Years later, he promised to buy me an engagement ring 'if I lost weight.' This was after having two babies two years apart, and I wore size 8/10 clothes. I gained at least 15 pounds that year. I never returned to my pre-baby weight, but I finally got the ring after 20 years."
—Anonymous
15."My husband and I have been married for four years, together for 12. We have two children together, who are 3 years old and 5 months old. Both of us are employed full-time. He works as the manager of a hardware store, and I work as an RN in the hospital setting. My job allows me to only work three 12-hour shifts a week, so I am the primary caretaker for our kids. When we're both at work, my parents take them. My husband helps with very little at home. He occasionally does the dishes (I do them 90% of the time), while I am responsible for everyone's laundry, cleaning cat litter boxes, and all other household cleaning. We split cooking pretty evenly. The other night, I was trying to get to bed early because I had to work the next day, meaning I would have to get up at 5 a.m."
"During bedtime for our oldest, which is always a challenge, my husband got frustrated and yelled at our son. I told him I disagreed with his parenting technique, and his response was to tell our kid, 'I'm not doing anything anymore; Your mom can raise you.' He knew I had to work in the morning, but he went to the basement to play video games while I wrangled both of our young kids. I also got up with each of them throughout the night to feed them and settle them down when they cried. He slept. He never apologized and doesn't feel he needs to do anything differently."
—Anonymous
16."One year, for my birthday, when we really didn't have much, my mom apparently asked him what I wanted for my birthday. Rather than asking me what I wanted, he asked if I wanted a new cast iron pan. I told him no. We had cast iron pans when I was growing up, and I always hated them. I didn't like that they were so heavy. I didn't like that you had to be so careful about how you cleaned them. I didn't like the feeling of cast iron. I just do not like them. Plus, we had married only a couple of years prior and got a nice set of pans I had wanted as a wedding gift. So I told him I liked our set, didn't want anything else, and always disliked cast iron."
"Come my birthday, my mom happily hands over a huge, heavy present. And guess what it was? A humongous cast iron pan! She then proudly said my husband had said it was what I wanted. I just sat there stunned and then pretended I was happy about it. When we divorced, I told him to take the giant cast iron pan since it had been a present for himself anyway, and I didn't want it."
—Anonymous
17."Where do I even begin? When I was in labor with our first child (I was induced due to complications), he wanted to sleep that night because he worked that day. He wasn't happy about giving me his hand to squeeze when I'd have a contraction because it hurt. After our child was born, he wanted to go home and sleep. Instead, he met up with his buddy and bought a video camera we had already agreed we wouldn't splurge on. At least the buddy came back to the hospital and visited me, too. I had a nasty infection in my uterus and was readmitted to the hospital. Our child went to my parents' so my mom and sister could care for them. Because feelings were hurt, our child had to go to their other grandparents' house: a smelly, smoke-filled house. My child now has asthma for life!!! It was out of my control because I was in the hospital, but I feel awful for the health issues this caused."
"On my first Mother's Day, I was woken up to pack the diaper bag because he was taking our child to breakfast with his mom and family. That's the one that hurts the most. It was mean and inconsiderate. It was supposed to be a special day for me. Instead, he woke me so I'd pack the diaper bag and left me home alone on Mother's Day."—Anonymous
18."My husband and I were invited to a Christmas party. I was looking forward to it because I had not yet met many of our neighbors. The day before the party, he told me that he was not feeling well and had called to let them know we were not coming. I was disappointed but understood. On the day of the party, I had started dinner. Unbeknownst to me, one of his friends called to say that his wife was not well and asked if my husband would like to go with him to the party. No more than 15 minutes before the party started, my husband announced that he would go to the party with his friend, leaving me and our dinner at home. To top it off, he took the poinsettia I bought as a hostess gift with him. He could not understand why I was upset."
—Anonymous
19."I was in Best Buy with my husband (now ex) and three children. I was suddenly feeling nauseous and located a bathroom where I wretched and vomited. I came out to find them and told my husband what had happened and that we needed to go. He continued to browse (not purchasing anything) for another 30 minutes."
—Anonymous
20."Our 4-year-old fell and broke her arm right before my husband and oldest daughter were heading out to see a movie — one he really wanted to see. He went to the movie instead of insisting he come to the ER with us and postponing the movie. He even brought half-eaten movie popcorn to the triage room afterward and then stayed home while I went to the 24-hour pharmacy late at night for her pain meds. God, typing this out brings all the resentment back!"
—Anonymous
21."It was always important to me to look nice. In high school, I was head cheerleader, homecoming royalty, that sort of thing. But in my 30s, after having three kids (but not letting myself go, I should add), I realized I felt frazzled and unappreciated. My husband worked away from home often. All the childcare was on me. He was very stingy with compliments. I asked, 'Why don't you ever tell me I'm pretty?' He said, 'If I thought you were pretty, I would tell you so.' After that, I stopped trying so hard."
—Anonymous
22."My 70th birthday was coming up, and I asked for a small trip for my birthday. He instead bought me a showerhead and bragged that it was on sale. No party, just a showerhead. But when his brother turned 70, we gave him a big birthday party at our house, and guess who did most of the work?! We are now in divorce proceedings. That was just the tip of the iceberg! I could go on."
—Anonymous
23."I have a collection of Cristal snowflakes for my Christmas tree. I have collected them each year since my daughter was born to give them to her when she grows up for her 'first Christmas' in her own home. My ex-boyfriend would randomly give them to her to play with off the tree when she was very young, knowing she would break them unintentionally. He would do this with other things that were special to me and sit back, satisfied by my upset reaction and my poor little girl's heartbreak every time. The worst part is that years later, the pain of each broken item is still lingering due to my own guilt about how I handled the situation and how much it still affects my daughter."
"To the mommas out there: Never let a man challenge your bond with your children. It was the first sign of the brutal domestic violence I experienced before I finally left him. The bruises and cuts have healed. The emotional trauma lasts more than your lifetime."—Anonymous
24.And: "My ex of over a decade never lifted a finger or paid a dime when it came to big holiday meals. I paid for everything and cooked everything without even an ounce of help from him. When I'd had enough after 15 years, I asked for some financial contribution and/or help cleaning up. He responded that he didn't have to contribute, despite the fact we lived together, and he made over $100k a year while I was making $20k a year. The next Thanksgiving (we lived together), I made a meal for my kids and me and did not share it with him or save him any. We ate it in a different room in the house behind closed doors. The entire time he smelled the food cooking and knew we were eating, he was quite upset. He even baked a $3 pie and kept saying, 'Do you want to share? I have pie,' and I told him I wasn't interested in sharing since we were 'doing our own thing.'"
"He sat in the den pathetically and ate nothing but his $3 store-bought pie while I fed my kids a reheated pre-made Thanksgiving meal from the Honey Baked Ham store. After that, he started going somewhere else for holidays. We moved out soon after."—Anonymous
"Inconsiderate" isn't a strong enough word to describe what these partners said and did to the women they claimed to love. My heart is breaking for those who shared their stories and those in similar situations. Women, if you've dealt with an inconsiderate or selfish partner and want to get the story off your chest, you're free to do so using this anonymous form. If it's not something you want to share openly, I totally understand, but I'm still thinking of you and sending well wishes your way.
Note: Submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.
If you or someone you know is in immediate danger as a result of domestic violence, call 911. For anonymous, confidential help, you can call the 24/7 National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE) or chat with an advocate via the website.
The National Alliance on Mental Illness helpline is 1-800-950-6264 (NAMI) and provides information and referral services; GoodTherapy.org is an association of mental health professionals from more than 25 countries who support efforts to reduce harm in therapy.
