Women Are Sharing The Things They've Stopped Doing Because Men Constantly Mistake Them For Flirting, And It's Disgustingly Relatable
A little while ago, I wrote up a viral Reddit thread sharing the different behaviors women try to avoid in order to protect themselves from unwanted attention from men. The list clearly struck a nerve, because it inspired even more responses from the BuzzFeed Community. Here are a few that prove this is (sadly) an all-too-common experience.
Warning: This post discusses sexual harassment.
1."I'm into anime and gaming. So, therefore, I have a lot of tattoos about both of those. I now always wear a jacket because I'd be sitting there minding my own business and get asked about my tattoos by random men. Which isn't an issue. I like fellow nerds. But, then it gets into more conversations, and then invitations to go over to their house and watch anime."
2."Calling or texting men. Unless it’s a well-established friendship, I won’t call or text. For instance, I once had an important question to ask a male coworker. Fearing he or his S.O. would think I was making an excuse to speak to him, I waited until the next time I saw him at work to ask him."
3."I don't sell my clothes online anymore. I'd had enough of perverts contacting me. You wouldn't believe the number of creeps that message you about tank tops or high heels, like, 'Would be so sexy if you wore that to bed.' I didn't even post a picture of myself wearing the item. The picture is of the item only. I guess some pervs just have a good imagination."
4."I don't tell guys that I can cook. Like, seriously, if you ever want a guy in your life LEARN TO COOK! It is, for some reason, a major turn on and gets into, "Well, you can come over and make breakfast in the morning," or, "I'd love to bite into any your desserts."
5."My flexibility. I have Hypermobile Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome and can do things that 'normal' bodies simply cannot do (to my detriment). If men get even a hint of my flexibility, I become a conquest."
6."I also mention that I do combat sports. A LOT of men have a fetish about a woman who could potentially kick their ass, and it's less flattering than you'd think it is. It's awkward and uncomfortable to be sexualized in that way, especially when probably half of them also assume the actual fighting is sexualized. I've had men ask me if I get aroused during training, especially when doing groundwork/grappling. WTF kind of crap are you watching, dude?"
"I also find it morbidly hilarious because I switched from Muay Thai to Krav Maga because it's more self-defense based, and Krav Maga's first move in pretty much any drill is a groin shot. SHOCKINGLY, most men in training don't find this arousing."
7."I wear a ring on my ring finger all the time. I'm not married, but it helps when someone is hitting on me and I can be like, 'Nope I’m married,' etc. I work at a mall, so I get hit on constantly and it’s literally ridiculous how men don’t accept a polite no for an answer."
"When I worked in retail I wore a plain silver band as a pretend wedding ring to avoid being hit on. It's bullshit that I have to claim to be another man's property before they give up."
8."I used to avoid making eye contact with men at work because if I did, it increased the chances of them flirting with me or asking for my number and I always worked in the small shop alone. One time, a guy came behind the counter multiple times trying to talk to me and made me feel so unsafe."
9."I'm not a naturally smiling person. I never smiled much at anyone when I was younger, as it always led to getting hit on. Now that I am old and way past menopause, I can smile all I like and no one bugs me. I LOVE that. It is so freeing not to have to worry about some rando guy hitting on you for being normal."
"If you smile at a man, they think you're into them, but if you don't smile, they always tell you to smile because it makes them uncomfortable."
10."Apparently, just doing my job. Whether I was a barista, a server, a bartender, a nursing assistant, or a phlebotomist, it doesn't f—ing matter. Interacting with a man as part of your job is apparently an invitation to so many. What makes you think I'm flirting with you when I'm here to stick a needle in you? Or, when I ask what you want to drink because my JOB is providing you with a beverage? Women simply performing their job duties is NOT an invitation."
11."I hate that with male-dominated hobby/jobs, women always get a 'pop quiz' about it, but never men. Not saying this is a hobby or anything, but I'm just weirdly, naturally good at plumbing. I know and have done and applied A LOT more than my big, beefy, all-man husband, LOL. But who gets the aftercare instructions, or what to do next, or the terms thrown at them should a plumber need to come out? Him. And my husband, bless him, will say, 'I know jack sh—, talk to HER.' Then comes my little quiz from them. Our new plumbers are actually cool, so this refers to the other idiots we dealt with, but UGH. So infuriating.
12."I found it's best to avoid just talking or chatting online period. I’m not talking about dating sites, either. Sites like Reddit and BuzzFeed start with, 'Great point, I agree with your take,' or, 'Lol, that’s so funny!' Then it takes a turn out of NOWHERE to, '...So anyway, I’m so horny right now, I can only think about sex...'"
13."I was once stuck in traffic and eating a lollipop, minding my own business, when the guy in the next car started beeping his horn to get my attention and yelling lascivious things to me, and doing that gross tongue between his V'ed fingers as if I was going to pull over on this jammed highway and get it on with him. I won't eat an ice cream cone or ice pop, either. I always get a dish. The stupid things they ruin for us."
"When I was in my early 20's, I was eating a banana in the car as my after-work snack, in rush hour traffic, totally minding my own business. I looked over, and a carload of guys were losing their minds. I started laughing because I was SO embarrassed, and that was just my reaction...but like...how f—ed is it that I got embarrassed over eating a healthy snack in my own fucking car? I'm in my mid-30s now and still break off pieces of banana instead of just biting it."
14."When gaming I tend to avoid playing in groups or joining on the mic. It's always a shock to find a girl (even though there are plenty of us, we're just quiet because 99% of the gamers are a—holes)."
15."Being in shape. I've been both in shape/male gaze 'hot,' and bigger, and there's such a sense of security in the invisibility cloak being a larger woman affords you. The amount of unsolicited attention I would get when I was allegedly hot was so uncomfortable! It's part of why I've been a little slow to lose the weight that I actually need to right now to have a successful surgery in a few months. I'm so afraid of my natural shape being visible again because of the attention I know I will get, that I'm not putting as much effort as I should into getting fitter. So, it's become a detriment to my health, all because I'm so afraid of getting constantly leered at. It's exhausting. (Don't worry, not letting them win! I'm working on getting into shape and toughening up my responses for when the ick starts)"
Do you avoid certain behaviors or situations to avoid "leading men on?" Share your stories in the comments, or use this anonymous form. Your response could be featured in an upcoming BuzzFeed Community post.
Responses have been edited for length/clarity.
If you or someone you know has experienced sexual assault, you can speak to someone by contacting RAINN at 800-656-HOPE (4673). And here are sexual assault helplines outside the US.
