Woman Refuses to Let Her Child Call Her Stepmom ‘Grandma' Since She 'Has Never Been a Maternal Figure’

A first-time mom has a dilemma when it comes to her stepmom.

The anonymous woman, 29, turned to Reddit to ask for advice. She noted she “just” had her first child, and her 56-year-old stepmom, whom she gave the name Laura, “is insisting my baby call her ‘Grandma.’ ”

“Laura married my dad when I was a teen and has never been a maternal figure,” the poster continued. “She even told me back then, ‘I’m not your mom,’ which was fine — I already had one.”

She wrote, “Now, Laura says she’s ‘earned’ the Grandma title after years in the family, but I disagree.” When the poster told her that “Grandma” was just for her mom and her partner’s mom, Laura “got upset” and claimed the poster was “disrespecting her.”

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“My dad backed her up, saying I’m being petty and should move on from the past,” she continued. “I don’t hate Laura, but I feel ‘Grandma’ should reflect a real bond, and she’s never been that close to me.”

She then asked commenters if they thought she was being “unfair” or had a “reasonable” boundary.

Commenters on the post were ultimately split.  “I would remind her that she said that she wasn't your mom, therefore doesn't get to earn the title Grandma,” one wrote. Another said the title “Grandma” should be “earned.” “If Laura didn’t act as a mother figure when she was growing up, it’s unrealistic for her to demand that role with her child,” they wrote. Some suggested that the child just use Laura’s name, without the title.

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But other commenters thought it wasn’t that simple. “The kid is going to call her whatever they feel like,” one person wrote. “I mean, please let them grow in a positive and beautiful way. It’d be great if there was also a good grandma involved, and the important thing is if [the poster] involves their child in the toxic matters of adults, it will prevent them from developing naturally.” They urged the poster to put creating the “best environment” for their child first. “[Your] stepmother might not be a good mom, but she can still be a good grandma, I think,” she said.

Another person wrote, “I have stepkids who I was actually close to and I would never dream of taking that away from the real grandparents. The kids call me Grandma with my first name ... Your stepmom needs to develop relationships in order to have them.”

One person wrote that they didn’t “get along” with their stepfather, who came along when they were a teenager. “But when I had my daughter as a single mom at 24, he stepped up to become the best grandfather any little girl could ever hope for,” she continued. “I can't imagine her life without him and the special bond they share.”

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Another person said that if the stepmom will be around for the “foreseeable future,” is a “decent human” and is excited about the baby, “It costs you nothing to let her play a grandmotherly role. There is no such thing as too much love for a child.”

“That kid won't care if she came along 10 years ago or 30 years ago, they will grow up knowing her as their grandfather's wife,” they continued. “And if she's nice they will probably love her very much. Let them."

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