Woman Gets Unexpected Text from Ex-Boyfriend Who ‘Ghosted’ Her 10 Months Ago: ‘Feels Like an Itch I Can’t Scratch'
"I just want to know why this man who showed me so little respect messaged me after almost a year," the woman wrote on Reddit
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Woman looking at her phone (stock image)A woman is seeking advice about her next move after she received a text message out of the blue from her ex-boyfriend who "ghosted" her 10 months ago.
In a post on Reddit's "Dating Advice" forum, the 38-year-old woman began by providing context to her relationship with her ex — whom she dated for seven months — and the emotions she experienced in the wake of his sudden absence from her life. She recounted how just one day before he ghosted her, he told her "how much in love with me he was" — so "she didn't see it coming" when he pulled his disappearing act.
When their relationship abruptly ended, she was "flabbergasted."
"This was not the man I knew!" she wrote. "I cried for weeks. I didn't understand what I'd done wrong or why he couldn't have just communicated with me about what was going on."
The woman ended up seeing a therapist to work through her complicated feelings, as she felt at the time that her "value as a person" was tied to having been ghosted. "She said, 'Well of course you're hurting. It's an ambiguous loss. You never got an explanation or a goodbye. There was no closure. That is damaging,' " the woman recalled of their first session.
The therapist told the woman to expect her ex, 36, to reach out at some point "because they always do" — but suggested one way she could get closure immediately and "take [her] power back" would be to send him a final message, "calling him out for being a coward."
"So, I sent him this message three weeks after the ghosting: 'I get it now. I only wish you had had the courage to tell me it was over,' " the woman wrote, revealing, "He never replied, but it immediately made me feel better."
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Woman messaging on a smartphone (stock image)In the months after, she gradually moved on and, after a series of first dates with different men, she eventually met her now-boyfriend, whom she described as an "incredible" partner. "He's everything no man I've ever been with has been, in all the best ways," she gushed.
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Amid her happiness with her new boyfriend, she was surprised to unexpectedly get a message from her ex saying simply, "Hey."
In her post, the woman went on to make it very clear that she has "no desire for any type of anything with the ghost" as she is "beyond happy and in love" with her boyfriend.
"I don't care if he's messaging me because he feels badly for ghosting, or he realized no one else wanted him so he's crawling back, or he's in a dark place and needs someone to talk to, or if he's just bored," she insisted.
But, she admitted, her curiosity is piqued. "There is a not insignificant part of me that wants to know what the ghost has to say," she said.
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"If I don't message him back, it will feel like an itch I can't scratch," she continued. "I just want to know why this man who showed me so little respect messaged me after almost a year."
The woman concluded her post by asking fellow Redditors, "What would you do? Message him and say what? Not message him?"
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Text messaging app displayed on phone (stock image)In the comments section, many people urged the poster to either ignore or block her ex, arguing that his intentions for reaching out are likely not good ones.
"He is putting feelers out to see if he still has the upper hand with you. It’s about control and feeding his ego," one Redditor suggested, adding, "You deserve better."
Another wrote: " 'Hey' isn't some summoning tool for people who treated you poorly from your past to command your attention. It's the first step at an attempt at more low effort, immature and inconsiderate behavior toward you."
Some expressed their concern that the woman's ex might still have power over her. "Take that power back for yourself, especially from someone who you trusted with it who abused it!" someone commented.
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Others, meanwhile, advised the woman to remember just how much her ex hurt her and avoid getting sucked back into his "rabbit hole" again. They also encouraged her to focus on the present and her healthy relationship with her boyfriend.
"He’s no longer a ghost, he’s a zombie! You’ve moved on, you’re happy — who cares what he has to say?" one person wrote.
"Let it go. He didn’t give you the respect to even acknowledge you then so why should you give him that respect now?" another person commented. "You’re happy and in love. Don’t respond."
Quite a few people told the woman to turn the tables on her ex, with one putting it, "Ghost his a-- back! No message, no comment."
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