My wife is more interested in the grandchildren than she is in me
My wife and I had always agreed that when we retired, we’d go travelling. We spent many an evening scrolling through maps and making a list of all the far-off places we wanted to explore.
But then our son, rather unexpectedly, got married, and his wife promptly had our first granddaughter. Eighteen months later, they had a second little girl.
Of course we were thrilled. I hadn’t really thought about being a grandfather before, and I do like it. However, my wife went overboard. From day one, she was always dashing up and down the motorway to see them.
Yet the thing that really hurts is that all our holiday plans seem to have gone out of the window. I’d presumed that when my daughter-in-law finished maternity leave, they would find childcare, but my wife volunteered. This means she’s now away for five days a week. She says I should stay at home to “keep an eye on the house”.
Both my son and daughter-in-law are teachers. They don’t need us to help in the holiday time, so my wife says we can go away then. However, that’s when flight and hotel costs are at their peak.
Last summer, at my wife’s suggestion, we rented a villa for all of us in Portugal. She said it was a way of combining travelling with “bonding grandparent time”. But it was totally unrelaxing. How can you sunbathe or read a book if you’ve got a toddler about to fall over every step in sight?
Of course, I’ve discussed this with my wife. She says that because she worked full time when our son was small, she missed out. So she wants to make up for it now. I can see her argument but don’t I count in our relationship?
I pointed out to her that by the time our granddaughters are at school and don’t need so much childcare, we might not be in good health. Many of our friends have developed some quite serious conditions although they’re only in their late 60s. Some can’t get travel insurance.
I’ve also argued that our son and daughter-in-law can surely get substitute childcare, but aside from the financial problem, the grandchildren are very attached to my wife and don’t like being with anyone else. I’ve even had a quiet word with our son and tried to explain that we want to be involved but not at the expense of our travelling dreams. He then accused me of “stressing us out” because they can’t afford full-time childcare.
Personally, I think the stress is taking its toll on my wife’s health. She’s looking older and tired. The other week, she had a bad cold and couldn’t do her usual week of childcare. My son and daughter-in-law were more concerned with how they were going to cope without her than how she was feeling. But I kept that from my wife because I didn’t want her to be hurt.
I discussed all this with a friend of mine who is in a similar situation. He suggested that we went on a boys’ trip to the Far East. But it won’t be the same without my wife. Consequently, I feel resentful to all three of them (not the grandchildren, obviously). I don’t like myself for this, but it’s the truth.
This summer, my wife has booked a villa for all of us in France. Obviously, I’ll try to join in the “fun”. But I can’t help thinking that my wife is more interested in being with our grandchildren than she is with me.
