This is why you keep getting flaked on dating apps, according to experts
Move over, ghosting. Flaking is the newly preferred method of cutting ties with a match on dating apps, with victims calling it a "flaking epidemic".
Gone are the days when you might start a conversation with someone on a dating app, only to suddenly never hear from them again. Users are now reporting that they are building relationships and making plans with potential romantic interests over the apps, only for the other person to suddenly cancel at the last minute.
Getting flaked on is becoming an increasingly common experience on dating apps, according to users discussing the issue on Reddit. Understandably frustrated, one dating app user asked: "Is it just me, or is there a flaking epidemic on dating apps?
"At this rate, three out of five times these past couple of months, my friends are getting flaked on in Hinge, Coffee Meets Bagel and Bumble dates. And these are HOT people! What’s going on?"
Other Reddit users added their own experiences and opinions to the forum, with one person wondering: "I get protecting your own mental health and setting boundaries for your time, but what about the other person’s time/mental health that you made plans with?"
Another user suggested that the reason so many people are flaking out on dates could be due to "app fatigue".
"This stuff was fun five to 10 years ago, but I’m just kinda… over… the whole app pleasantries," they said. "I think it’s worst since Covid, because a lot more has shifted electronically (eg. Zoom meetings) so I’m pre-exhausted on online personal interaction from work.
"These are people I’d actually like to meet, but it’s so exhausting and it feels like work. I’m going back to being more chatty in the real world."
Is there really a ‘flaking epidemic’ on dating apps?
According to Dr Lalitaa Sugliani, relationship expert for eharmony, there is indeed a problem with flaky behaviour becoming more common on dating apps.
She suggests that one of the reasons behind the rise of flaking could be "the abundance of choice and the paradox that having too many options can lead to decision fatigue".
"This in turn leads to exhaustion and freeze state, making it harder to commit to one person or follow through on plans," she explains to Yahoo UK.
"At a deeper level, our attachment styles and past experiences can also shape how we engage in these digital spaces, influencing our ability to commit and follow through."
Sometimes, flaky behaviour can stem from a crisis of confidence. From the perspective of someone who is having confidence issues, there may be uncertainty as to how they’ll be perceived in real life after building rapport with the other person online, Dr Sugliani says.
"Anxiety surrounding rejection or the pressure to live up to curated online personas can trigger avoidance behaviour," she adds. "Some people may also struggle with emotional readiness, leading them to have dating conversations without actually being prepared to connect deeply or meet in person."
Another reason flaking might be becoming more common is because some people use dating apps for a quick dopamine boost, rather than to foster a long-term relationship.
"For some, dating apps serve as a temporary escape or a means to satisfy a need for connection without building a long-term relationship," Dr Sugliani says, emphasising that everyone has different needs and wants when it comes to looking for love.
"Immediate gratification often takes precedence, leading to impulsive decision-making," she adds. This means that some people might feel initially excited about getting a match on an app, but quickly lose interest when the novelty wears off or another connection seems more appealing.
It’s not you - it’s the dating apps
For many singletons, dating apps just aren’t working in the pursuit of love. Data from Ofcom, published in November 2024, found that dating app use is declining in the UK, particularly as younger people are increasingly turning to in-person meet-ups to find The One.
The communications watchdog found that the top four dating apps in the UK have been steadily losing users since 2023. Tinder lost 600,000 users, while 131,000 users fell out of love with Hinge. Meanwhile, Bumble’s user base fell by 368,000 and Grindr lost out on 11,000 users.
"Some analysts speculate that for younger people, particularly Gen Z, the novelty of dating apps is wearing off," said Ofcom in its annual Online Nation report.
Dr Sugliani adds that it’s important for dating apps to prioritise connecting people based on personalities and values in order to foster deeper compatibility and more meaningful relationships, instead of encouraging users to chase "short-term excitement".
"This means it is easier to engage with people who are genuinely aligned with what you’re looking for," she says.
Lonely hearts looking for love are also becoming more invested in authenticity. "When individuals portray their true selves and communicate their intentions honestly, they are more likely to attract partners and create meaningful connections, but it is for them to also know what they are looking for," Dr Sugliani explains.
"Being clear about what you’re looking for and respecting the boundaries and feelings of others creates a healthier and more respectful dating culture.
"It is also important to remember we’re not mind-readers and what is authentic to you may be different to a partner. Good communication starts with being aware of what is going on in your own head so you can get this across to a partner."
Read more about sex and relationships:
Six health benefits of staying single (Yahoo Life UK, 3-min read)
Sex can help men live longer - and has important health benefits for woman too (Daily Record, 2-min read)
Sick Of Dating Apps? 4 Couples Share Their IRL Meet-Cute Stories (HuffPost, 4-min read)
