Why Clay Aiken Says Parenting Son Parker, 16, Is 'Happy and Heartbreaking at the Same Time' (Exclusive)

When Clay Aiken decided to step back from music over a decade ago, he did it for his now-16-year-old son Parker — and he has no regrets.

Looking back on those 16 years, the American Idol alum reveals why he thinks raising a son is "happy and heartbreaking at the same time."

"I'd say the most wonderful part has been watching him grow into a young man. He is an incredibly respectful and smart and responsible young man, and that is something that I'm incredibly proud of," Aiken, 46, tells PEOPLE exclusively while discussing his newly released holiday album Christmas Bells Are Ringing.

He continues, "But it's heartbreaking because they grow into little, mini adults and they change."

Now the singer-songwriter grows emotional thinking about how much his son — whom he shares with his friend Jaymes Foster — has grown. He keeps pictures of his son through the years as his screensaver for a reminder.

Related: Clay Aiken Reveals Why He's 'Perfectly Fine' Being Single at 46: 'I Don't Have the Energy' to Date (Exclusive)

"It's heartbreaking to see the little kid change into a young man, almost adult who doesn't need me as much. But at the same time, you're very proud of the fact that he doesn't need you as much, right? It means you must've done something halfway decent," he says.

When asked what fatherhood has taught him, Aiken says it's "that having a kid is like wearing your heart on the outside of your body — which is [why] you're constantly worried."

"I'm much more worried than I thought I was. I was not a horribly anxious person. I was not a person who worries. But now I check my phone when I see that he's in the car to see where he is and that kind of stuff. I mean, it's brought out some anxieties that I did not realize I had," he continues.

He also acknowledges that fatherhood means adapting to "change" for their "every life cycle."

"When he was a toddler, you have to learn how to be more patient. You have to learn how to be more selfless. And as they become teenagers, you have to learn how to let go in ways that you didn't," he says. "I'm very type A, I like to have control of what's going on around me. I've had to learn as he's gotten older that you have to be willing to let... I know that I have to let him become an adult and let him start to do more things on his own."

Aiken adds, "It has taught me that I am more malleable maybe than I ever thought I could be."

In November, Aiken opened up about keeping Parker out of the spotlight in an interview with E! News.

Related: American Idol Alum Clay Aiken Makes Rare Comments About Life as a Dad to Look-Alike Son Parker, 16: ‘We Did a Good Job’

“We did a very good job, I think, for 16 years, keeping him completely out of the public eye,” he said at the time. “I wanted him to be able to grow up as normally as he could.”

He did, however, make one exception for Parker to step into the spotlight when he appeared on Celebrity Family Feud in August. In the episode, played against his uncle David Foster, 75, and his wife, fellow American Idol runner-up Katharine McPhee Foster.

“That was his first time. I appreciate that he's been able to have a normal — or as close to a normal — childhood, as he could," he told the outlet of his son's appearance.

He also said he believes that Parker, unlike his musical family, will steer away from music as a career.

“He’s had too much music in his life,” the singer told E! News. “He knows what he wants to do. He's going to go a very different way. I'm proud of him. I'm thrilled for him. He can sing, though, he just doesn't want to.”

Read the original article on People