Here Are 20 Overlooked Signs Of Autism And ADHD According To People Who Were Diagnosed Later In Life
Receiving an autism or ADHD diagnosis is a process that typically takes a few weeks to several months. In some cases, however, many people will "mask" their symptoms for years in an effort to blend in with their peers and only seek a diagnosis later in life. While going through the necessary evaluations, these individuals often realize that habits or cycles they have experienced or been ashamed of their entire lives were a symptom of their condition all along...
So, recently, when Redditor u/GodzillasBrotherPhil asked, "People diagnosed with autism or ADHD as an adult: What are lesser-discussed symptoms?" adults who received "later-in-life" diagnoses were more than happy to start a conversation about the topic. From facial blindness to delayed audio processing — here are 20 lesser-known signs of autism and ADHD:
1."The thing that impacts my life most is 'Waiting Room Syndrome.' Basically, if I have to complete a task at a specific time of day (going to an appointment, making a phone call, getting the mail, etc.), I cannot relax until the task is completed."
"Oh, I have to pick someone up from the airport at 9 p.m. tonight? Great, my entire day is shot. I don't process that as 'Yay, I have 10 hours of free time before I have to leave,' I process it as 'I have 10 hours of waiting, planning, thinking, and worrying about making sure I leave on time and everything goes smoothly.'
Even if it is something minor, like feeding my fish in the evening, I am unable to fully unwind until everything on my to-do list is completed. I often stay up late because it is the only time I'm 'free.'
I've been working on it; therapy and medication have helped, but it is a struggle. It's not often understood by folks who don't struggle with this, and it certainly isn't helpful in maintaining a life, family, career, etc."
2."When you’re talking to me, I can look at you or listen to you, but I can’t do both."
"If you want eye contact, it will take all of my energy and focus for me to perform the correct body language — which means there will be no energy left to listen to you and process what you’re saying.
OR I can use all my energy to focus on listening to what you’re saying and put my body on autopilot — which can mean not making eye contact, playing with fidget toys, looking at my phone, etc.
If I’m playing Tetris on my phone, I will absolutely listen to you. If I’m making eye contact, I have no idea WTF you are saying."
3."Getting overly obsessive at the beginning of romantic interests/crushes."
"Your brain finally gets all the dopamine it wants, but your partner can't keep up with making you happy all the time, which leads to you spiraling and feeling miserable and anxious. You never stop thinking about your crush/partner, and it gets to a point where you cannot focus on 'distractions' like watching movies or hanging out with friends.
Knowing this pattern helps you avoid and deal with it, but it's still rough."
4."Face blindness: I don't recognize people, and it's quite a scary and isolating symptom."
"It's not easy for me to build rapport with coworkers because I simply can't tell who is who unless someone says their name. Eventually, I might learn to identify the features of a certain individual, but it will take a very long time and isn't always reliable. Obviously, the same goes for potential friends because it turns out people don't love it when you don't recognize them instantly.
If a stranger talks to me, I don't know if they're a friend, a guy hitting on me, or a mugger. It's scary — especially when someone stops me while I walk outside in the dark. I don't want to ignore people I know, but I don't want to endanger myself either.
I feel like an a-hole for accidentally ignoring people, which sucks. Sometimes, I avoid certain routes home because the idea of not being able to recognize people I should know stresses me out."
5."Shopping for clothes and shoes is a nightmare."
"Because I can't adapt to stimuli, any stitch that is out of place or the wrong fabric will drive me nuts. I never 'get used' to it.
All my clothes are oversized, falling apart, and over a decade old. But I don't want to spend eight hours buying three t-shirts that I can endure wearing only to have to throw away two of them because the fit changes after the first wash."
6."The 'freeze.' You sit down to complete a task feeling prepared and ready to get it done — knowing you MUST do it — and then you're somehow completely and utterly unable to start it."
"I was an extremely successful student (talented and gifted kid, ugh) throughout school and all the way through college — even though I procrastinated and half-assed everything academically. This became a major issue as an adult in the workforce and even more so when I started my own business. I finally sought PRN medication for ADHD in my 30s, and it essentially fixed this overnight.
Other things that helped me immensely besides meds are keeping active, working out, spending time outside and away from screens, managing my stress to the best of my ability, and making sure that I'm getting enough sleep."
7."Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria: This means that I interpret every micro-reaction from those I interact with as a negative judgment toward me even when I logically know that’s not true."
"It’s a never-ending grind to act 'normal,' remember things, and appropriately interpret body language — rest assured that I will eventually forget something, or someone will have constructive feedback.
Then I’ll be stuck in a mental hamster wheel of doom for eight hours — with high blood pressure and racing thoughts about how badly that interaction went, how I talked too much, how I didn’t stay on topic, how I forgot to say the right thing, how I sounded unhinged, etc. I will replay the entire interaction over and over, thinking of ways it could have gone differently and creating worst-case scenarios to mentally waterboard myself with.
Having to fake confidence and emotional steadfastness every day is exhausting."
8."I am unaware of other people's intent in conversations. There have been many times when I can’t tell if someone likes me, wants to talk to me more, is interested in me, doesn’t like me, wants something from me, etc."
"People love to be vague and assume you know what they are thinking, but by being unable to understand or completely missing context clues, we lose out on many potential connections or make people upset without realizing it.
For that reason, I love it when people over-explain and explicitly say what they’re thinking or feeling. Otherwise, you’re playing a game of chance with me, and odds are, I won’t understand or know how to act."
9."For me, a major symptom is not being able to interpret or express pain and illness properly. I can break a bone and still do what I want/need to do. (I broke my wrist once while overseas and waited three weeks to get it set)."
"Another scary example was when I couldn't tell the difference between mild and detrimental stomachaches. I almost died of sepsis because my tummy ache was actually a severe abdominal infection."
10."People permanence or emotional permanence: My thoughts and feelings about other people stay relatively fixed from one interaction to the next — meaning that although I might not have seen someone for over a decade, I will still feel like we’re friends. Conversely, a bad or awkward interaction will stay with me until a new interaction ‘overwrites’ it. (I will often avoid that person or place as a result)."
"I always assume that people don't remember me, like me, or want me around — which is also the exact opposite of how I feel about others. Just last week, I went to a funeral with a group of people I hadn’t seen for over five years, and I was convinced no one would recognize me, remember me, etc. I was very wrong! They remembered me, wanted me there, expressed that they had thought of me and wondered about me, etc.
All of it makes maintaining relationships difficult. I rarely reach out to others because I assume they don’t want to hear from me, and I tend to need a lot of overt reassurance that I’m liked and wanted. It does make it easy to weed out people who aren’t a good fit as friends — they just fade away, and people with the willingness to accommodate my quirks stick around and put in the effort. One of my best friends won me over by saying: 'I will always persist in making you hang out with me!'"
11."I have been diagnosed with ADHD, and I tend to display behavior symptomatic of autism as well. One lesser known symptom — which I believe must be discussed more openly — is the inability to say goodbye to people without burning bridges."
"I feel an overwhelming amount of sadness and anger when someone who lives with me moves out. This happens despite the fact that I know it’s a natural part of life, and they’d expect me to do the same. My only solution to curb that anger is to insult them and burn the bridge so the separation will make sense to me.
Recently, my housemate moved out because his wife was coming from their home country, and I was happy for him, but I was also angry about him moving out because he was, and still is, like an older brother to me. It took a lot of work for me not to burn that bridge because he’s a genuinely nice dude who has taken care of me and never judged me for my quirks."
12."For autism specifically, it's the increased need for alone time. You can't keep the 'mask' up forever, and while the degree of masking changes depending on who you're with, you do it around everyone. You can only let the 'mask' down when alone."
"Many neurotypical people don't understand that. Nowadays, there is more acceptance as others understand it's a similar concept to the 'social battery.' Still, a few people will take it personally and think you don't want them around, which is untrue."
13."Delayed audio processing: People think you're being difficult or obtuse. But in reality, your brain doesn't acknowledge language sometimes, and everyone sounds like the adults in the Peanuts cartoons."
"The wildest part is — even though you initially don't know what someone said — if you give yourself about 5-20 seconds, you will eventually understand some of it. But no one wants to wait for an IRL reply like they do a text, so you'll ask them to repeat themselves, only for it all to click within the first four words of their repeated sentence.
The only way I can avoid asking people to repeat themselves is to ask them to try and get my attention first. That gives me the chance to face them and at least look at their lips to follow along. If I can understand the first few words, I can process the whole sentence. Otherwise, it doesn't even sound like a language I understand."
14."Shame-spiraling. If you do or say something bizarre — you can shame-spiral for weeks or months over it."
"This happened to me recently. I did something memory-related and didn't realize it for weeks or possibly even months later, but then I became suddenly aware of it. It threw me into an unending circle of shame where I didn't know if I was careless or if I had been a victim of theft.
So I began questioning if my lack of cognition was becoming a major problem (luckily, it is not); however, the terms 'conservator' and 'durable power of attorney' were tossed around by some people close to me. So, due to this vague situation, I emotionally tortured myself. I had been making strides with my illness, and this set me back months — quite a disappointing experience."
15."Taking things literally without realizing you’re doing it."
"Like burning yourself out because you were repeatedly told to 'do your best!' and 'give it 100%.'
You eventually realize that no one else constantly pushes themselves to their breaking point."
16."Needing more time to handle feelings and not knowing the emotions you're feeling until later."
"I used to joke that I got my feelings shipped transoceanically in 8-10 business days.
Then, our family experienced a tragedy, and the dam broke. I had to build my internal emotional regulation tools instead of just throwing my feelings in the murky waters of my mental River Styx and moving on with my life."
17."Autism specifically: structure. We need structure so life feels predictable and reliable. I need to know about things that are happening FAR in advance. I do not adapt well to sudden last-minute changes — even if they're changes I would LIKE."
"Example: One time, my friends came for a surprise visit and called to let me know they were in town and that we should hang out after I got off work. I hadn't seen them in a year, and I should have been happy — which I was! But I was so tired after work, and I planned on going home, making my favorite food, vegetating in my chair, and playing a new game that just came out because I'd been looking forward to it all day.
At the last minute, I completely flipped and was miserable the entire time we hung out. I felt horrible about it because I love them, and spending time together was great. But couldn't they just have let me know first?"
18."If I have to relay information verbally (like messages, stories, updates, etc.) to others, it comes across as nonsense. What I’m supposed to relay makes perfect sense in my head, but I’ve seen the look on others' faces when they decipher what I'm trying to tell them."
"It seems I can’t get from point A to point B without getting off course somewhere in the middle and circling back to a previous point or skipping toward an important part and missing vital information that adds context to what I’m trying to say."
19."ARFID (Avoidant/restrictive food intake disorder): Just before I was diagnosed, I stopped drinking alcohol and started taking ADHD meds. My autism symptoms are so much more pronounced now — which means that my food sensitivities are worse than ever."
"I've always been a fussy eater, but now eating anything at all is a struggle.
I haven't officially been diagnosed with ARFID, but it makes the most sense, and it's what my GP is thinking."
20."The constant noise in my brain never shuts up. My thoughts are similar to standing in a room with 20 TVs, all with different channels on — a constant commentary of everything I'm currently doing or going to do. I question everything and need to know the outcome of every possible scenario."
"I also have OCD tendencies, which make me impulsive. It's a constant mental conflict. One part of me wants to be impulsive, and the other part needs the structure it cannot have. Then, I get bored and depressed due to a lack of dopamine and hyperfocus on things I cannot choose.
However, as much sh*t as I have to deal with, none of it compares to what my loving wife has to deal with by being with me. I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for her. (I have Borderline personality disorder alongside ADHD and autism).
It's difficult for neurotypical individuals to understand how we work, and it doesn't help that everyone is 'self-diagnosing' nowadays. It makes it more difficult for people like myself to be taken seriously.
These conditions are NOT quirky or funny — they are horrible, and I wouldn't wish them on my worst enemy. I'd love for someone to step into my head for a day and see their reaction because I can assure you it is NOT what TikTok makes it out to be."
Which one of these signs did you find most surprising? If you were diagnosed with autism or ADHD as an adult, did you have any symptoms that were overlooked for years? Let us know in the comments! (Or if you would prefer to remain anonymous, you can answer using this Google Form).
Note: Some responses have been edited for length and/or clarity.
The National Alliance on Mental Illness helpline is 1-800-950-6264 (NAMI) and provides information and referral services; GoodTherapy.org is an association of mental health professionals from more than 25 countries who support efforts to reduce harm in therapy.
If you or someone you know is struggling with an eating disorder, The National Alliance for Eating Disorder helpline can be reached at 866-662-1235 in the US. The helpline is run by clinicians and offers emotional support for individuals and their family, as well as referrals for all levels of eating disorder care.
