What this mom taught her 7-year-old about people-pleasing is making waves
As parents, we all want our kids to be kind—but at what point does kindness turn into people-pleasing?
A viral TikTok video from mom and childcare provider Gee Gee Davidson is sparking a powerful conversation about self-worth and boundaries. Using just two cups of water, a bottle of dirt, and a handful of rocks, she visually demonstrates to her 7-year-old son why people-pleasing erodes confidence—and why standing firm in who you are keeps you whole.
Her message has resonated far beyond her own family, racking up 1.7 million views. And while the lesson is aimed at children, the reality is that many of us needed to hear it, too.
Related: Being a ‘people pleaser’ can affect your parenting, too
People-pleasing starts earlier than we think
Davidson’s video taps into something bigger than one parenting moment. It speaks to a pattern many of us learned young: “Be polite.” “Be easygoing.” “Don’t upset anyone.”
On the surface, these seem like positive lessons. But over time, they can condition kids to prioritize external validation over their own needs. And as research on child development shows, the seeds of people-pleasing are often planted in early childhood.
Related: When I had kids, I stopped being a people-pleaser
According to experts on emotional intelligence, children who struggle with setting boundaries often:
Left unchecked, these tendencies follow kids into adulthood—where they may become adults who struggle to set boundaries in relationships, workplaces, and even with their own children.
Why this mom’s lesson feels like a wake-up call
Davidson’s analogy makes this concept tangible in a way kids (and adults) can immediately understand. Here’s how she breaks it down:
Two cups of water represent two versions of her son: One with confidence (green peg), one with low self-esteem (yellow peg).
A bottle of dirt and rocks symbolizes negativity from the outside world: Classmates, teachers, even family members who might push opinions onto him.
The choice: Will he let that negativity seep in—or will he stand firm in who he is?
She gives her son real-world examples:
Example 1: “Your braids aren’t cool.”If a group of kids says they hate braids and he pretends to agree just to fit in, he’s letting their opinions seep into him—like dirt being poured into the cup.
Example 2: “You laugh too loud.”If he stops laughing to avoid judgment, he’s again letting others dictate how he expresses himself.
The alternative: “That’s your opinion, but I like it.”When he chooses to stand firm, his self-worth remains intact—just like the clean, fresh water in the confidence cup.
At the end of the lesson, Davidson asks her son what he learned. His response?
“I learned that if somebody says they don’t like how I am, I’m allowed to speak up and say, ‘That’s your opinion. You don’t have to be around me. I’m going to go do my own thing.’”
This isn’t just about kids—it’s about how we, as parents, unintentionally reinforce people-pleasing in our own children.
Related: Katherine Heigl is teaching her daughters not to be people-pleasers, and it’s everything
Are we modeling people-pleasing for our kids?
The hardest truth about this lesson? Many of us were raised to be people-pleasers—and we might be passing that mindset on.
Think about it:
Have you ever said yes to something just to avoid disappointing someone?
Have you ever stayed quiet instead of voicing your opinion because you didn’t want to cause conflict?
Do you downplay your own needs for the sake of keeping the peace?
If we struggle to set boundaries, it’s no surprise that our kids do, too.
That’s why Davidson’s lesson is so much bigger than TikTok—it challenges us to reflect on how we, as adults, navigate self-worth and external approval.
Related: Child therapist shares easy way to ensure your child’s inner voice is full of confidence
How to raise kids who don’t rely on approval from others
Breaking the cycle of people-pleasing starts with small, intentional shifts in parenting. Here’s how we can help our kids build confidence while still encouraging kindness:
Reframe “Being Nice” as “Being True to Yourself”: Instead of praising kids for being “nice” at all costs, encourage them to be kind while also standing firm in their values. Kindness doesn’t mean agreeing with everything—or shrinking yourself to make others comfortable.
Teach Kids to Name Their Own Preferences: Instead of saying, “Do you like what your friends like?” ask, “What do YOU think?” Teaching kids to identify their own tastes, opinions, and interests helps them build a strong sense of self.
Normalize Disagreeing with Respect: Show kids that it’s okay to have different opinions from their peers and even family members—and that disagreement doesn’t have to mean disrespect.
Model Boundary-Setting in Your Own Life: When kids see us say, “No, thank you,” “I’m not comfortable with that,” or “That’s not for me,” they learn that setting boundaries is normal and healthy.
Remind Them: Their People Will Find Them: Davidson reassures her son that even if some people don’t like certain things about him, there will always be others who love him exactly as he is. That’s a powerful message for kids (and adults!) to hold onto.
Related: 7 Montessori-inspired phrases to help build your child’s confidence
The big picture: Raising kids who stay true to themselves
Davidson’s lesson isn’t just about resisting peer pressure—it’s about raising kids who grow up knowing that their worth isn’t defined by what others think of them.
It’s about teaching them early what so many of us had to learn the hard way—that saying no to people-pleasing doesn’t mean being unkind. It means being true to yourself.
And that’s a lesson worth holding onto—no matter how old you are.
Sources:
Comfort objects and child attachment. Journal of Developmental & Behavioral Pediatrics. 2021.“When Parents’ Praise Inflates, Children’s Self-Esteem Deflates”
Attachment theory and early childhood development. MDPI. 2024. “From Emotional Abuse to a Fear of Intimacy: A Preliminary Study of the Mediating Role of Attachment Styles and Rejection Sensitivity”
The neuroscience of comfort and connection. Neuroscience News. 2024. “Empathy in Kids Linked to Poorer Health Amid Parental Conflict”
