"He Tried To Substitute This With Vagisil": 21 Times Men On Delivery Apps Proved They Have No Idea How To Grocery Shop
Recently, I wrote about a TikToker's negative experience with her male DoorDash grocery shopper who only got one of her items correct. Not only did this lead her to suggest an app update that would allow customers to select women to shop for them, but it also prompted other women to share the most bizarre replacements they've ever received from male shoppers.
After diving into the comment section from the story and social media, it seems many women have had similar experiences. So, here are the most unhinged ones I came across.
1."I ordered gluten-free pasta, and the substitute was tampons. Like, for real?!"
2."I ordered nine plums for snack bags for my 6-year-old's soccer game. They substituted nine red onions."
—Jo
3."I ordered mushrooms. The replacement I received was children's watermelon-flavored toothpaste."
4."I ordered oat milk, and he replaced it with a massive container of heavy cream. I asked if there were any other plant-based options because I'm lactose intolerant, and he said, 'There's no milk in this; it's cream.' Like, DUDE."
5."I ordered a bag of tortillas to make lazy girl sopapillas, and I got a head of iceberg lettuce!"
6."I ordered a pack of paper towels and was brought an industrial-sized box of cling wrap."
7."One time, I placed an Instacart order for Imodium and got Dulcolax instead."
8."Oh lord, I have some stories. I ordered K-Cups and got a five-pound bag of unsalted, unshelled peanuts. I ordered grapes, and the bag was mostly empty as if all the grapes had been picked over. I ordered two pounds of jalapeños (I was going to make poppers). I received a single jalapeño. I asked for lunch meat and got a sandwich spread (it looked like mayo with chunks). I asked for one bag of shredded cheddar and got two bags of mozzarella. My last order was 10 items. I only received two because he said everything was out. I had my boyfriend drive me to that store later in the day, and every item was available if you just looked at it with more than a cursory glance. Literally, all those drivers were men."
9."One time, I ordered two lemons, and my male shopper brought me lemonade and lemon-flavored cough drops."
10."A man once got me a head of iceberg lettuce instead of a cabbage. A woman would never."
11."During the pandemic, I wanted cinnamon rolls REALLY bad. I ordered stuff to make them, and the young guy couldn't find yeast. He tried to substitute it with Vagisil."
12."This always happens. I asked for garlic gloves, and they substituted them with a bag of shredded lettuce."
13."I ordered three pounds of Brussels sprouts for Sunday dinner, and he brought me three Brussels sprouts. As in three balls rolling around a veggie bag. I was pissed!"
14."My last shopper completely negated the point of having a shopper. I have an injured knee, so getting around is extremely painful. I was on my way to my friend's house, but it hurt so much that I didn't want to stop at the dollar store for what I needed (masks, plastic cups, concealer sticks, powder foundation, and Naproxen). So, I placed an Instacart order and sent it to my friend's house. I asked that the makeup be refunded if the exact item couldn't be located, but I asked them to pick the best replacement for the others because I needed them more, and the foundation is useless if it's the wrong color. Well, what does the guy do? REFUND all the items I needed and get me the wrong color of makeup. I had no choice but to go to the fucking store on my busted-up knee, which I was trying to avoid in the first place. Plus, now I have makeup I can't use. Zero stars."
15."I ordered cucumbers and got Head & Shoulders shampoo once."
16."I had an Instacart shopper replace yogurt with a 12-pack of Coke during major abdominal surgery recovery. There was no way I could pick it up, and there was no response when I checked if it was possibly for another order. It's frustrating because not everyone can go shopping for themselves. You rely on others, and when they fail, you have no recourse."
17."No, literally. I ordered bacon once, and he got a bag of carrots instead."
18."Last week, I was sick at home, so I placed an order for a bunch of stuff and popsicles. Popsicles were what I wanted most. I picked the store brand, but said substitutions are fine. Any popsicles were welcome. I got the message that they canceled the item. I texted immediately, expressing disbelief and my desperation for popsicles, and immediately got the message he checked out. You can't tell me there were no flavors or brands of popsicles in the entire grocery store."
19."I asked for cumin. Any cumin. I know for a fact the store carries at least four different brands. They came out with nothing. I went to the store the same day, and there it was: all types of cumin."
20."I work in a grocery store doing this kind of shopping. I have a male coworker who substituted Brussels sprouts for tomatillos. I will never forget this."
—Kari
21."I once ordered hamburger meat, and they stated the store was sold out and substituted it with a box of Hamburger Helper."
What's the most bizarre and inexplicable substitution you've ever received when getting groceries delivered? Let us know in the comments, or fill out this anonymous form!
Note: Some responses have been edited for length and/or clarity.
